A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im really stuck here. My girlfriend was recently diagnosed with viral encephalitis which is irritation and swelling of the brain. She had it before and nearly died from it but recovered. I have felt that the relationship has been over for a while for me. She cheated on me several times for money and caught her chatting with people on 3 online dating sites last month. And I stayed with her against my best judgement. She has been in Spain for the last month and I have been living happily without her as a single man even though we didnt break up. I didnt cheat on her during this time. Recently she called me and told me that she is coming home from Spain because she felt sick. Today however she called and said that she has encephalitis again. And I felt nothing towards her. I just said 'that sucks'. I could care less if she is sick. And I feel bad that I dont care that shes sick.I have wanted to put an end to the relationship for so long but I dont know what to do now. Im afraid that if I was to end it she would get worse. I dont want that to happen. Please help me. What should I do?? Im not usually this heartless. And I absolutely hate myself for it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all for the advice. I do still love her deeply but I can literally feel my mental health deteriorate when im with her or think of her. Shes a chore of a person. Im going to wait a while until shes better to break up with her because even if she is the way she is i dont want her going through too much at once especially seeing as this illness is in the brain. But rest assured it will be done.
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (5 April 2011):
 I'm sure you don't want her to die, and I don't think you're a terrible person either. Once a person cheats and hurts you, its like something dies inside of you. Things just aren't the same. Sometimes the love can be stoked back into a flame with hard work, but other times, it just can't. I think she hurt you too deeply and now you just don't want to be with her. No one can blame you for feeling that way. My ex husband of 16 years become an alcoholic. He was very cruel and mentally abusive to me during the last couple of years of our marriage. I left him. 2 years later I found his alcoholism was so bad that they gave him months to live. I wanted to care, but I couldn't. I felt sorry for him as a human being, but not as someone I had once loved. He had killed my feelings for him with his actions. (He did get better by the way). You see? I think the best thing for you to do is to not do anything right now, and if/when your girlfriend gets better, have a talk with her and tell her that things aren't working out and you need to be free. She should know why. I wouldn't do it right now when she's sick though. I do hope she recovers, but sweetie, you do need to walk away from this relationship. FOR YOUR SAKE. If the love is gone, then its gone. Don't be hard on yourself, ok? She killed the love with her actions.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 April 2011):
 Dont hate yourself for it. At the end of the day it is clear that you do not love her and dont want to be with her, i know that it must be hard especially since you say you dont really care that she is sick. I understand that you dont want to hurt her. But I really think that the best thing you can do is apologise to her and say that it is not working for you but that you will support her as a friend. You need to be honest with her because you will only keep beating yourself up. Yes it probably will make you feel bad breaking up with her, but it is not fair to stay with her out of pity, as believe me she will sense something is wrong and it will only make her more unhappy. So just tell her that it is over and concentrate on your own life. Yet offer your friendship to her if she needs you. Goodluck.
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A
female
reader, Yetilicious +, writes (5 April 2011):
 You can't just stay with someone because she's sick. If you know you don't want to be with her, then leave. You're not heartless if you leave her, you're smart. It shows that you actually respect yourself enough to not want to be in an unhappy relationship and it shows that you respect her enough to not lead her on. Would you want to be in a relationship with someone who didn't care about you? Don't feel bad about it, She didn't care about your feelings when she cheated on you multiple times, you should have left her then...always listen to your instinct.
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (5 April 2011):
Sounds like you should have had the guts to break up with this girl ages ago. You should stop prolonging the inevitable and just break up with her. You'll feel much better about moving on, and so will she.In my opinion, if she has cheated on you multiple times then it would seem to me that she can't have any deep feelings for you so I don't know why you are beating yourself up about it.Move on!
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