A
female
age
26-29,
*aseball222
writes:okay so now my boyfriend isn't really talking to me and when we do talk it's for like 1 minute and most of the time we're just standing there until one of us says k got to go bye! and i also want to know if i'll seem untrustworthy if i ask him why he likes me?because he doesn't really show emotion but his dads in the military and he is telling me about how his brother is always beating him up.is that abuse?and is it bad that i'm kind of butting into his life?or does that just mean i'm concerened?i need help! please answer me i have no idea why but i feel like i'm gonna cry!!!!!!! :'(
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male
reader, The Realist +, writes (29 November 2011):
 Sorry to hear that things didn't work out but now you never know who you will meet.
I got dumped over the summer and now I met such a great girl and things are going so well.
He probably had too many issues and to be honest they are things that he needs to deal with himself. I know you still care about him and I don't know when things ended with you two but it is time that you just worry about yourself and make sure that you are happy. You never know what the future can bring.
A
female
reader, baseball222 +, writes (29 November 2011):
baseball222 is verified as being by the original poster of the question things didn't work out too well. he dumped me :'( i still really like him though anyways thanks for the advice i may need it in the future!
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A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (25 February 2011):
If you start asking him why he is with you is does give off insecurity within you which isn't good for the situation. You have to ask yourself instead why are you with him and should you bother continuing it.
If his brother is beating him up then yes it is abuse and if you are talking to him about it then I would call it giving him support although it may fall on to deaf ears. It also depends on how you are butting in. Support is one thing but you can't be telling him how to handle the situation although you may still over advice.
At your age and given this situation I would say that you are better off without him. If he is not talking to you then don't wait around for him. If he comes around later on and needs someone when you are free then you can consider things then but I don't think you should spend your life dealing with him.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Honest  +, writes (25 February 2011):
 Dear Baseball, It sounds like your boyfriend has some real family issues, and don't internalise them. He's not being the way he is because you've done something wrong. All you can do is show you're concerned and be supportive. Perhaps just let him know that you are concerned and are there if he wants to talk about anything, that way you don't pressurise him but aren't ignoring the elephant in the room. Ask if there's anything you can do to help (within reason of course.) His ignoring you isn't really fair, and don't take it personally. I don't think it seems untrustworthy to ask why he likes you, if he's not showing you that he appreciates you why shouldn't you ask? There's only so much you can do. Gently show your support but at this point you have to think about yourself too. Try and resolve it, and if you can't, don't think it's because of you. As for the abuse question I'm afriad I don't know. It would probably depend on the extent of the violence and the age gap? If he is finding it upsetting then I imagine it is abuse, which of course is very sad. Hope things look up soon and feel free to write back.
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