A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:im a 27 year old women that has a boy friend that is the man of my dreams but when it comes to sex i am so insecure of myself do to past issues of rape. he is a gorgeous man and is 44 years of age he has been popular with many women in porn and yes he has been tested so no worries there but im in love and want to be the women of his dreams he says that he loves me i just really want to know if there is anything i could do to get over these fears before i push him away is there anyone that hypnotizes to turn people in to sex fans i would like to actually enjoy sex please if you can help please do thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): Hi there, I was raped as a toddler and I do understand how you might be feeling. Frankly I don't think this is a good relationship for anyone to be in regardless of your feelings about being raped, this is not a good man for anyone to be with. Being in the porn industry is not going to help your feelings of self worth. I am sure that in time you can find a good stable life with a good man. Are you able to face yourself in the mirror and imagine a good life, I would try that for a start and see how you go.I hope you don't mind me suggesting that it seems you are putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself to enjoy sex, that is not actually the whole part of a relationship.I do have a partner who it does not make a difference to that I was raped, he is patient and would not pressure me to do anything at anytime. Our relationship is not based around sex. I hope you do find the happiness you truly deserve.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni really appreciate the response i have recieved i am looking in for help and am truly grateful im talking openly to a few girls that i know im also in search for a coucelor been to one but it was when i was a child so i will definitely seek help thank you again and i will follow up
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you i will take this simple suggestion and put action to it and thank you for the advice
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your response and oddley i understood exactly what you are talking about i have been to couciling and i suppose i do kinda hold a resentment but i was not in the picture when all this has gone down but whats really crazy is that he does not pressure me we have been together for about a year and im cofortable with him i guess i just am comparing myself to those porn stars me not looking up at him during diffent situations and just tying to do different things its very akward
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): He's a man over a decade older than you who has a history of casually dating women in the pornography business? I don't want to make want to turn this into an argument about porn being right or not right, but you should acknowledge that the women in the pornography business experience some pretty rough stuff.
You also have a history of being physically exploited. Something tells it's not an issue of you not enjoying sex, it's just that your not enjoying sex with this guy in particular. Obviously I don't know him, but don't you think that's a bit of pattern...do you think perhaps he thrives on that in some way? Maybe you're not "frigid", maybe you're wary of him for good reason.
How to get over your insecurities when it comes to sex, get counseling for your past experiences and for you, but don't do it for this guy. Obviously I don't know him, but something tells your lack of sex drive has more to do with the sort of person he his and your misgivings about his past rather than any incapacity on your part.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): You need go see psychologist. You are not the only one who have this problem with sex. And my advice is to go see specialist because you can't deal with it without any help.
I'm hoping you will be okay :)
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female
reader, Aunty Honest  +, writes (25 February 2011):
 I'm so sorry to hear about your awful situation. It sounds to me like you really need to talk to a therapist of some description to help you deal with your feelings about your past and the impact they are having on your sex life. Look for someone who specializes in this area as they will be the most helpful. Sometimes, women find talking to someone who has been through a similar experience helpful and many charities help arrange this. If you have already tried this then my only suggestion is to keep going until something works for you, councilling, support groups, sex therapists. As for the man-he says he loves you, so would this really push him away? If you feel able, try and tell him how you are feeling and if he really cares he will be patient, and you may even get there together. Don't feel you have to do anything you are uncomfortable with. All the best.
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