A
male
age
30-35,
*riim
writes:Needed to get this off my chest. Enjoy.I am a 21 year old male living in the US as a student and my name is Aiden. Girls confound me and I know virtually nothing about them and I have very limited experience around them. I have a female best friend who I've known since I was 11 called Becky. Becky has a female best friend called Claire who she has known for an equally long time when she lived in Australia. Becky and Claire ended up attending the same University here in the US. Claire has a boyfriend of 4 years.Last summer Becky brought Claire back to our hometown and Claire mentioned that she needed to do some research over by my University but that she didn't have anywhere to stay. I didn't know her very well at this point but I told her she could stay with me whilst she wrote out her paper.A few months later and Claire came round to begin her paper. At first it was a little awkward but we ended up being quite compatible and over time we started spending every day together. Things took a turn for worse when Claire got dumped midway through her stay at mine. Clearly she was very upset so I did my best to keep her busy and console her since I was the only person she knew in this city. Becky ended up ringing me and the gist of the conversation was basically; "She's just broken up with her boyfriend, behave." Claire hadn't seen a lot of films and I'm fanatical about them so now and again I'd make her watch one with me. She would get closer and closer to me as the films progressed. 2 weeks after the break-up and during her 5th and final week at my place she kissed me and I've developed a pretty deep crush on her.Now I'm at a loss of what to do. Becky doesn't know anything and I feel as if I've betrayed her. I also have no idea what Claire thinks of me however she does keep in good contact with me! Claire also has a reputation for shooting well below what she could have - since she was 13 she has only been out of a relationship for a total of 12 months whereas I am a forever-alone. I have a reputation (unfairly, I think) to have too high standards in my choice of girls. If anything did happen with Claire then neither of those stereotypes would be broken. On the other hand if I'm right with my hunch that she reciprocates my feelings to some small extent then I think I'd have to be insane to not pursue her further as much as I do cherish my forever-alone status.I'm pretty sure it probably meant nothing and nothing will come of this and I'm blowing it well out of proportion but I'd really appreciate any advice. Thanks.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaptainObvious +, writes (21 December 2010):
 I suspect Becky's concern was simply that you not be an opportunist scooping Claire on the rebound.
There has now been a cooling off period, so if you want to pursue a relationship with her now, and objections from Becky would be unreasonable.
Be honest.
A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (21 December 2010):
 Why do you feel that you've betrayed Becky? Claire may be Becky's friend, but in the end both you and Claire have developed your own relationship. It is to the point now that what happens between you two can stay between you two.
There is no simple answers when it comes to girls or relationships in general. Nobody has it completely figured out. All you can do is take chances and hope for the best. There's a chance the kiss didn't mean much to her, especially since she just got out of a relationship... but you never know. Why not take a chance?
As for Becky? She's a friend. That's it. She's not your girlfriend so it's not her place to tell you and Claire what you can or cannot do.
Take a chance and go for it with Claire. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (21 December 2010):
 If you like her, let her know. No harm in that. The problem I see is the distance. How far away is the university that Claire is attending? How would you make a relationship work?
The reason I ask, is a perpetual dater (someone who is rarely single) won't be satisfied in a long distance relationship. She may like you back, or she may have been feeling flirty, lonely, horny, or any number of things that caused her to kiss you. It could have even been a thank you.
I feel your pain. I went to visit a friend when I was in college. Her roommate and I ended up having a couple of drunken make out sessions. The problem was, I developed feelings for her, and to her it was just some drunken kissing. Still, when I told her I liked her she let me down easily and we remained friends.
Becky may be of some insight here. Claire kissed you. Sure, you didn't stop her, but at the same time you're both single so there is no rule against it.
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