A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I've been single for so long I can't even remember for how long exactly. I haven't exactly had any actual relationships before either, just 2 hook ups and a relationship that lasted 5 months but was long-distance and the guy was abusive.I'm currently studying in a university far from home; I wanted to live alone to get independant and because I was having some serious trouble with my parents. Now that I'm in college I'm supposed to meet a lot of people, but I'm in my second year, and nothing good has come my way.It's really depressing, because I really feel the need to feel loved and cared for, and just to be with someone I love. I don't want it to be a fling or something meaningless like that; I've had enough of that.One of my main problems: I keep falling for the wrong guys. I was in love with a guy who had a girlfriend for 1 whole year, god I can't even describe how it affected my life. The worst part is, he was actually flirty towards me and gave me hints that he wanted to be with me, even though we both knew he had a girlfriend. I knew it was wrong, so I told him to stay away, and it hurt like hell each time I thought about him. The moment I met him, we connected instantly. At first I thought that it must be some kind of a dream, or that something or the other will go wrong, because it all too fairytale-ish to be part of my life. I began to think I wasn't good enough for him, his family is much more wealthy than mine will ever be (I work 2 part time jobs)and every member of it, including him, is a succesful musician -his father is kind of famous, no reason to mention any names though-. All in all, I felt intimidated by him, and it crushed my self esteem even more when I learned he had a girlfriend...At this point in my life, I meet a lot of people, yet I'm still single, after more than 2 years..And honestly I don't think there's something wrong with me. I'm quite intelligent, do well in my studies, and I act happy and bubbly when I'm around people (I'm a really good actress when it comes to hiding emotions) and I'm being sociable..I'm also considered attractive, and I don't have any problems with how I look. I've had guys hit on me, yes, but it's either that they just want to get into my pants, or I don't like them back. There was this one guy who's a friend of a friend's who has asked me out a couple of times by now, but I refuse each time, because I just can't date someone that I don't feel I connect with... The ones I do take an interest in, however, instantly put me in the friends only zone.I'm honestly sick of being single and feel like I'll stay so forever...I know being single can have it's pluses too, but not when you've been alone for so long..I feel played and betrayed by the majority of guys that have entered my life. Tell me, is there something I'm doing wrong, and is there something I could do to get out of this position...? Thanks..
View related questions:
crush, flirt, self esteem, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, WilliamJConn +, writes (22 December 2010):
I agree that you're entirely too picky. It doesn't matter if you're the most beautiful girl. The ugliest guy, while not attractive, could be the most kindred and beautiful soul you've ever met...however, according to you, you simply wouldn't take the time to know him.My suggestion is to quit acting like you're better than people and start dating those you regularly wouldn't. I think you'll find yourself surprised by how many guys have been around you trying to gain your interest while you - supposedly alone and wanting love - conveniently ignored them because you don't think you'll like them.You seem clever so you must know that guys at our age really seek nothing more than to sleep with the girl they're with. It's neigh-on proven fact and it's something I'd bet that every 9 out of 10 guys looks forward to in their relationship. The easiest way to weed the users out is by denying them sex for the first month or so of the relationship. It could help if you're not attracted to the guy you're with at first, especially if he seeks to use you. However, it's also possible to fall in love and become attracted to a guy that you didn't like before.
A
male
reader, sexdude +, writes (21 December 2010):
You're obviously just too picky. I would love to date Katherine Heigl. Unfortunately, she doesn't know me , and is married to someone else. If I sat around, comparing every girl I meet to her. I would be single forever. That's an extreme example. It seems like you compare every guy, to the musician dude. If he really wanted to be with you. He would have dumped his girlfriend long ago. Most guys your age, will act like they want to get in your pants. Especially since you're cute. If you reject a guy, based on that alone. You will spend your next 2 years alone. There's nothing really wrong with you. If you want to meet a better class of guys. Go to a coffee shop and study. The guys might be a little older. But they will be more charming, and less horny. I hope this helps.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaptainObvious +, writes (21 December 2010):
 I would ask yourself why you feel the need to be in a committed relationship at this point.
Dating is a way of learning the art of relationships.
From your description, that's a lesson at which you've failed.
Perhaps if you stop to realize that you don't have to sleep with someone just because you went on a date or two, you can start taking dating a little less seriously and have some fun.
I'm not accusing you of sleeping around - I'm just concerned that you are feeling pressure from the notion that we all expect sex on every date.
Do we men hope that each date will end in sex?
Sure.
Every lottery ticket purchaser would also *prefer* to win, but their world doesn't come crashing down when they don't, and they still enjoy scratching the ticket.
Relax, mingle, and get your ticket scratched.
...............................
|
