A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:HiI`m asking for some advice. five months ago I started an affair with a woman 20 years younger than me.I`m in a 6 year relationship with another woman who has constantly accussed me of having affairs.I have never had an affair until now.It started with just meeting up and going for walks.Then one day I met her at her house and we went for a drink, not been a drinker i had a few got drunk went back to hers and things happened.I txt my partner and told her I was working and wont meet up until the next day.The next morning I woke up with this other woman and had a huge feeling of guilt.I phoned her 2 days later and asked to meet. I explained the feeling of guilt and told her I want to stop this situation as I feel so guilty and dont want to upset my partner.She was very upset and left. Then I bumped into her she gave me a hug and a kiss. It started again and we were intimate throughout.This woman has now left the area and I miss her.she says she does not think we have a future together, however She wants to meet up for a weekend. I cant get her out of my head and have tried to stop txting her. Any advice,
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (4 March 2013):
 Seriously you arn't worried about hurting your partner of six years...you just don't want to get caught and have your own life disrupted.
It just makes me crack up when people have affairs and blame others for 'making' them do it...nobody makes anyone have an affair, that's just an excuse. Now you have had a 'thing' with one young girl, it won't be long before you want another and another...big ego boost...right?
There is absolutely no point in anyone here trying to advise you of the right thing to do because that's not why you are asking...you just want us to salve your conscience. Sooner or later, your partner is going to find out and then you will reap it...and lets be honest, she'd be entitled to do her nut!!
The good news is that a growing number of women in their 40's are proving on a daily basis that they can live, full, peaceful, productive, successful lives without a man by their side. They have learned to let go of the dissapointment and devestation that lying cheats of husbands and boyfriends leave them with after they go chasing some bit of skirt (often younger). These reams of single living women have embraced the idea of being free of trying to satisfy and 'work out' some 'confused' 'sexually delinquent''partners' and are able to cut the strings and lay down the burden of having to trust someone who simply cannot be trusted.
Life is too short to allow a cheat to ruin the potential for happiness.
I make no apologies for being rough on you...your a man and we live in a man's world where the odds are stacked favourably but remember this...
When you do find another 20 year old to 'be with' eventually your gonna get real old and shake off the mortal coil and you will leave her, a woman now in her late 40's or 50's alone. She won't have someone to grow old with because you'll be old aready and she will just be another middle aged woman who had to probably go it alone.
You want what you want, so have it, but do your partner a huge favour and let her go...that way she can find the peace she deserves and not have to accept 'love' from you which isn't really love at all.
Em.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (4 March 2013):
 You obviously dont love your partner otherwise you would not have had the affair, so the first thing you need to do is end your relationship. It is not fair on your partner to remain in this sham of a relationship, she clearly struggles with trust issues with men and you have proven why - you are a cheat just like the rest of the men she has had experience with in the past.
If you cant bring yourself to end the relationship, come clean to your partner about what you have done and she will end it for you.
The idea that you didnt want to 'upset' your partner is laughable - upset wont even come close. You have DESTROYED your relationship, BROKEN the trust completely, you will have pretty much broken her heart. Upset is nothing compared to how she will feel when you tell her - but she deserves a lot more than you, no-one should have to put up with a cheat and a liar. Do the right thing for a change, man up and come clean about your affair, she deserves to know.
As for the other woman, clearly she is too young for you, she knows it and doesnt want a serious relationship with you, but she is willing to meet up occasionally and have a bit of fun with you. So it is up to you what you do next, do you want a casual bit of fun with her if she comes back to your area? Or is that not enough for you and you want more? If you want more from her and she cant give you more, then you are going to have to tell her that you dont want to meet up as it will only make things worse for you, and you want to stop contact with her and move on.
Take some time out and try being single for a while, you sound like a confused man who doesnt really understand the consequences of his actions. You dont love your partner otherwise you wouldnt have done this, so you need to put an end to that relationship. The other woman isnt right for you either as she lives too far away now, she is too young and she doesnt want to make things work with you anyway. So the best thing to do there is to cut her out of your life too so you can move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 March 2013):
 My advice, MAN UP and end your relationship you are in. Even if she has accused you of cheating for years (and you didn't cheat for years) this is not fair on her. You are basically blaming your current GF for your own actions. YOU CHOSE to cheat. None one MADE you drink and alcohol didn't "MAKE" you cheat. You pants didn't magically drop and your dick landed in the other chick's vagina. Stop making excuses.
You are obviously not really interested in your current GF or the relationship, maybe you have outgrown it, or got bored with it, but to be frank.... Cheat is NEVER a good or viable solution when you are having problems in a relationship.
As for the "lover" she doesn't give a shit about your relationship with your GF either, she just wants No Strings Attached SEX from you. Which means she doesn't really love you, but she sure like your penis. Is that a relationship? She is being honest when she says she can't see a future with you. She is having some severe double standards though. She doesn't mind YOU cheating with HER on your GF, but she doesn't want to date you because she fears that down the road YOU will cheat on her.
So, break up with your GF, look over your own behavior and try and find out why you think that cheating was ever OK.
Basically, grow a set.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2013): I suppose if she has been accusing you of having affairs, whether you did or not, there must be something in the way you carry yourself or handle yourself with other women that isn't appropriate.
You made a choice to cheat instead of walking away and doing the right thing. What's done is done. You now have another choice.... You can either learn from your mistake and never ever do it again...or...you can continue your easy and temporary solution and when things aren't going so well, you do it again because you got away with it.
There are no excuses or justifications for cheating on your partner. If you cannot be in a committed relationship and you find yourself gravitating to other women and want to have sex with them, then don't be in a relationship. Be a man and do the right thing and end what you are in before you do anymore damage then you have already done. The relationship you are in has run it's course...you've tarnished it and have feelings for another women. Just remember what got you there in the first place...she didn't have any problem getting involved with a taken man, she will probably do the same with another.
Hopefully you will think before you act in the future and you learn from your mistakes and dishonesty.
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