A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a member of a dating site, however I never know what different things to say in a reply that is mentioned in my profile. Here is my profile (is this too bland?):I am a happy-go-lucky guy with one life motto: Live life to the max!My friends and family mean everything to me, I enjoy eating out with friends, or just relaxing in front of a film. I like going to the cinema and listening to music - I have a pretty eclectic taste - everything to pop to rock (except opera and classical!) I have a great sense of humour and a personality to match!My goal in life is to be successful, and grab every opportunity with both hands.I am looking for a girl who loves life as much as I do! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHaha - no, I don't think I'll go for the flawed description!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's the trouble - I never really know what different things to write in a reply to in a profile!
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (16 July 2013):
I think that you should just embrace the bad profile descriptions, it seems to be your destiny, and more honest than a flawless one. Think of it as part of your charm.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (16 July 2013):
 I dont think you need to change it, unless the website you are using gives priority to users that have 'updated' their profile (i.e. it moves your profile higher up in the search listings if you update it). If there is no benefit to updating i.e it wont move you up the listings, then dont update it. Updating your pictures would be far more beneficial than updating the words in your profile.
After all, your personality, your likes and dislikes, your job etc are all going to remain the same. Unless anything major in your life changes then I dont see why you would change your profile - you are still the same person so dont worry about trying to change it every few weeks.
If you are not getting much interest then try approaching more women - women like men to make the first move so try broadening your search when you look at women online, maybe a wider age range or consider people who live slightly further away. Message as many girls as you can (as long as you like the look of them and like their profiles) and that gives you a better chance of getting someone interested in you.
Spend more time and effort on the messages you send to the girls rather than what you are saying in your profile - that is way more important. Dont just send a message saying 'hi how are you' - make sure you read her profile, pick out something interesting from her profile and ask her about it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow often should I change my profile? (in some way)
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (16 July 2013):
I would run a mile if I read a profile like that. here's why:
1. If it is a template I will have seen it on other guy's profiles, therefore I would think you are unoriginal, cant be bothered to think of anything to say that is actually about YOU and that you are lazy (because you cant be bothered to think of anything to write so you take the easy option and use a template)
2. It is very badly written in poor English - I personally like a guy who can spell and string a sentence together
3. The first paragraph makes you sound arrogant ("I'd hate to bore you by telling you how wonderful I am"), and then it quickly turns into lots of negatives without ever finding anything interesting out about you. Admitting you cry at the notebook is never going to win a girl over, I'm a girl and even I hate that film so I'd be a bit worried if a guy I was dating had even watched it, let alone cried at it. Girls dont like men that cry - it is not manly and not cool. If you were in a relationship with a guy and he cried at the death of a family member, that is different, but knowing a guy watches chick flicks and sits there crying at them - that's a bit weird. Staying up all night 'hanging out' or working is not appealing either, that makes it sound like you are either a workaholic or someone who spends way too much time with their friends so if you ever did get a girlfriend she'd have to put up with your mates being over at the house 24/7.
Basically this profile lacks decent grammar and a good standard of English (ironic when it asks for a girl that can spell!), it lacks personality and comes across as arrogant and overall a little bit weird.
Dont use templates - for the simple reason that it is not designed for YOU! When a girl clicks on your profile she will have decided that you are in the right age range, in the right location with a picture she likes - all you need to do is to be honest and tell her a bit about you, not what some random weirdo has written and then shared for the world to copy.
I used online dating many times and met my now fiance online. What did I want to see on a profile? The following things:
1. A bit about your job. Nothing too detailed, but its good to know that a) you do have a job and dont bum around all day and b) that you are passionate about your career (if you are in a job you hate talk about what you are planning on doing in the future, its nice to see a guy with ambition and passion)
2. A bit about you. What music do you like, what films do you like, what do you do with your spare time, what are your hobbies, favourite place you have been on holiday....this is to see if we have anything in common.
3. What do you look for in a woman - I would want to know if I would be the kind of girl you are looking for. Dont be too specific, and dont say you want a girl with blonde hair and blue eyes - stick with personality traits and if you are into fitness for example, say that you are looking for a girl who is into fitness too so you can go for long hikes together etc.
Your original profile was much better than that generic crap you have found online - never copy other people's work, its not original and if a girl eventually met up with you off the back of the template profile she would soon find out you are not who you said you were in the profile.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've just found a profile template on a search using Google: What do you think?: would hate to bore you by telling you how wonderful I am by attaching to my name a bunch of flattering adjectives. I am sure that you have already found this about two hundred times in all the other profiles. I believe that words are cheap, but actions speak much louder, so why bother? So, why not start with a bad stuff – I am impulsive and restless at times, I can’t kill a fly, I cried twice like a girl when I watched “Notebook,” I cuss too often, and stay up way too late way too often. There is something about the nighttime that I find magic, if you will, which keeps me up working or hanging out aimlessly. Can you relate? I have little patience for flakes and fake people – those who smile while being angry on the inside, as I never know what they keep up their sleeve. How about you? What annoyed you today? And what made you weak in your knees from joy and pleasure?About You:You are curious about the world around you. You can take a joke and are not easily offended. You believe that sarcasm is a spice of life. You can spell, and are generally happy. The rest is negotiable.First Date:I don’t think it matters what we do on a first date, and I am a big fan of simplicity, so a coffee and walk would be just fine.”
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (5 March 2013):
I don't think the picture being a year old matters as long as it's accurate. I look the same as I did 5 years ago, so if I had a nice head shot from then I wouldn't feel bad using it. Come to think of it I think I've been using the same Facebook profile pic for that long.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (5 March 2013):
Yes I'd definitely put up a new picture, the key with dating sites is to always be honest so rather than picking a photo from years ago where you look great, show a picture of how you look now. And if you can upload more than 1 photo, then that is always recommended - 1 picture makes it look like you can only find 1 good photo so the rest must be terrible. Try and put 3 or 4 photos on there to give women a better idea of what you look like.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have replaced that with 'beverages'!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2013): Yes OP definitely put up a new picture. A year is a long time in terms of appearance (weight, hair style, etc.). Don't want to look too different than the picture that attracted them to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 March 2013):
 The revised version is good, but I would not use the word " happy-go-lucky " , I'd seek for another word.
It's not your fault, but by now personal ads parliance has generated some easy to crack codes ,like :
" curvy " = fat
" classy " = I drink my coffee keeping my pinkie curled
" spontaneous " = I am a jerk who will flake on you last minute
" happy go lucky " = irresponsible, debt-ridden ne'er-do-well.
And, as others have said, maybe less exclamations marks.
Personally , the mention of washing down lasagne or spaghetti bolognese with vodka would make me VERY wary , but I guess it's an Italian thing, - probably in UK if you drink hard liquors with pasta it does not mean you are a raging alchoholist as it would mean here :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree, and I've made those changes thankyou
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (5 March 2013):
That's much better, I'd just lose the 2 references to crying (men crying is not particularly attractive to women!) and remove the part about 'washing' your food down with alcoholic drinks. Makes it sound like you cant eat without having an alcoholic drink! Dont mention your favouite alcholic drinks, its not really important and doesnt add anything to your profile.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can't see how I can condense it!
Would it make some of you enquire about me more than my 'blander' dating profile did?
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (5 March 2013):
 Hi
Better yes, I like the amateur dramatics story and the career update. You could try and condense it, a shorter introduction to you, so the women can ask questions. Also never appear to be so busy with friends,family and other commitments you don't appear to have *time* to date.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI got rid of most of the exclamation marks and replaced happy-go-lucky with kind and caring.
Couple of things left:
First Date: Should I fill this in or leave it blank?
My nickname is WhiteFlag79 (White Flag apparently denotes you don't know a real person before you meet them).
The pic on my profile was taken April last year - should I take a newer one?
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (5 March 2013):
Exclamation marks are the crutch of weak writing; I'd recommend losing some of them as well as some of the clichés like "happy go lucky"! Also, you mentioned crying two times!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2013): That's miles better OP.
You get a real sense of your personality from that and a hell of a lot of talking points too when making contact with people.
Just don't forget, you're selling you. You won't be to every woman's taste and that's the whole point. You want one that's interested in what you have to offer.
The teacher in my sees too many exclamation marks though haha.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat about this:
I am a happy-go-lucky guy with a zest for life!
Friends and family are very important to me; I couldn’t do without them. I have a great sense of humour, quite zany, quirky and cheeky at times – laughter is the best medicine! A sense of humour is a must in a relationship for me, that and a great personality. Sometimes, I laugh until I cry!
I enjoy food a lot, nothing like a good old steak or roast dinner, but I also like the following, washed down with either cider or vodka and lemonade / coke:
Toad-in-the-hole
Lasagne (got to be with chips)
Spaghetti Bolognese
One of my favourite breakfasts has to be pancakes with maple syrup and butter served with 2 rashers of bacon and a cup of tea!
On to another of my can’t-live-withouts: music. It makes me dance, cry, or just feel good. There are too many artists I like to list here, but here are a few, one of which I am going to see in concert, answers on a virtual postcard please!:
Micheal Jackson
Meatloaf
Queen
Emily Sande
Jessie J
Tegan and Sara
Jake Bugg
Rizzle Kicks
and (I know!) Little Mix
Def Leppard
I love films, and going to the cinema; again, too many good films I like to list, but here are a few:
The Shining (both versions)
Crocodile Dundee
The Hangover
Unstoppable
I am a self-employed computer engineer, my goal in life is to become more successful in my chosen career and maybe work for Microsoft. I am doing a BSc (Hons) in Computing and IT for me to be able gain the extra knowledge so I can further my career.
I am also an amateur actor, have played Mercutio in Romeo and Juliet, have been a witch in a tree and (this was a really hard part) a dead person!
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (4 March 2013):
I think it is just lacking in details really, it is very generic and I bet most males or females could use your profile to describe themselves. There is nothing on this that makes you unique, or would give a woman any idea what you are interested in.
You say you like eating out, films and music - so do the rest of the world! So elaborate a bit more - what kind of food do you like? What is your favourite cuisine? Are you a pie and a pint kind of guy, or do you like Michelin starred restaurants? What is your favourite film? What have you seen at the cinema recently? What do you want to see? You could add a bit of humour by saying who would play you in a film (could be a really hot superstar, could be Ricky Gervais....you know that kind of thing). What music do you listen to frequently? Women dont want to know what you dont like (and ruling out any genres is a negative, most women would secretly like to get dressed up and be taken to the opera and you never know you might enjoy the expererience, so dont rule it out!). Name a few of your favourite bands, artists or songs.
This motto thing of yours - you dont really explain 'how' you live life to the max so that might be a bit off-putting. I for example (as a 25 year old female) would think you are a bit of a 'lad', who likes clubbing, going out drinking all the time, spending loads of time with your friends, working out in the gym every spare chance you get etc. I personally dont want a gym obsessed clubber for a boyfriend, I like a guy who can chill out, venture outdoors for exercise occasionally and who isnt always on the go, I'm a bit more laid back. Of course there will be girls who like to live life to the 'max', but is that the kind of girl you are trying to attract?
What job do you do? I know that is a bit dull but gives an insight into your personality and what you spend your life doing.
What do you love about life? What do you want to do in the future? What 'opportunities' do you want to 'grab'? Giving a few aspirations for the future is always a good thing - you could mention some places you want to travel to, a certain sport or hobby you have always wanted to try, something you want to learn more about....that kind of thing.
A girl would struggle picking out any info from your profile to start a conversation about, and while jannipeg is right in saying your profile doesnt offend and no girl could rule you out based on your profile - it doesnt make a girl think 'ooh wow I like the sound of him' either.
Ok so adding more info like I have mentioned will probably rule some girls out, for example if you say you love travelling and want to go to the Far East, that might rule out the kind of girl that only wants to go to Marbella to get a tan so she wouldnt contact you. While you might reduce the pool of women who may be interested in you, at least you would get women who you are actually compatible with contacting you rather than a bunch of unsuitables.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (4 March 2013):
Hi
Hmmm its not bad,just bland, I would question 'living life to the full' and 'relaxing in front of a film' - in the same paragraph too.
May I suggest *demonstrating* your sense of humour, mention your most embarassing moment maybe...or introduce yourself as 'The dating sites answer to all your prayers Weak heart,but generous with huge bank account'
Keep it light and fun,enough for a woman to smile and want to know more.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2013): Okay, you asked for it so I'll analyse it, don't take it personally.
Sounds a tad generic OP. And forgive me but the 'live life to the max' isn't going to appeal to very many women our age, sounds like you copy and pasted that from the pepsi website too. Kind of conjures an image of a guy living in his mother's basement who spends all his day skateboarding and surfing, a guy not really settled sounding. Plus your whole middle paragraph isn't as "totally rad" as your motto seems to suggest, frankly those are things everyone does and they're slightly mundane.
Your goal in life is to be successful? At what? You're in your 30's and you're still not successful? That's not a judgement at all OP but it's probably what a woman our age with her bio-clock ticking down fast is going to wonder.
You want to grab any opportunity that comes your way? Well if you're not successful then perhaps you just "want" to.
Look I'm cutting you to pieces here, but women on dating sites get lots of attention from a lot of guys. You're not really selling yourself as anything but a generic guy stuck in the 80's.
What sets you apart from any other guy who likes movies, music, eating and wants to be a success?
OP you need to sell yourself as an individual. Other than your ambiguous pepsi commercial motto, you don't really show any passion in your description. What do you love? What are the hobbies you're passionate about? You're trying to attract a potential partner to share your life, is all you want to share music, eating and movies? Name the one thing you're most proud of. Name your favourite memory of all time.
OP treat this like a CV, without going too far and sounding arrogant of course. You want to show what you have to offer. What are your specific goals and what are you doing to achieve them? Have you got your own house and car? Do you have a well paying job, any exciting hobbies?
OP you want to sell passion, confidence, independence, dependability, excitement and some of your personality. Your motto is a good one, just not well put for your age. Just reword it a bit but say the same thing, just make it sound a little more mature.
Liking every type of music is fine, list your 5 favourite bands, 5 favourite movies, the most recent gig you went to. What's your favourite other country to visit in thew world?
You know. You don't have to write an essay but you do have to set yourself apart.
Me? I'm a teacher, I own my own house, I'm a dog breeder with 4 dogs, I'm a trophy winning MMA fighter (which makes me very athletic in terms of my physique), I have achieved all my long term goals in life and could retire tomorrow as I'm a self made multi-millionaire but I love teaching and do it more so for the challenge and fun of it than any financial need, I travelled Europe for 3 years in my 20's and still love to travel, I own a holiday villa in Italy, am in the process of buying a boat, want to buy another home in Norway and one in the Netherlands, I volunteer the odd time as a community radio DJ, I love nature and love to spend time wandering the great outdoors just taking it all in, I love any gadget you can imagine and can fix almost anything on my own.
You get the picture OP, I'm selling what I have to offer. All those things are true, but I'd only tell them about my wealth if I was only looking for casual sex, I'd switch that to "financially secure" otherwise and just list the tonnes of other things I love to do in life that set me apart from others and make me seem exciting but stable at the same time.
One other thing OP, you're looking for a woman, not a "girl".
...............................
A
female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86 +, writes (4 March 2013):
I've re-written it.
I am a happy-go-lucky guy and my main motto is: Live life to the max!
I enjoy eating out with friends (include what you mainly like to eat) I sometimes like just relaxing in front of a film. I like going to the cinema and listening to music - I have a pretty eclectic taste - everything from pop to rock (name some bands you like) I am told I have a great sense of humour but I'll let you be the judge of that!
My goal in life is to be successful, and I grab every opportunity with both hands.
My family and my friends mean everything to me and I am looking for a girl who loves life as much as I do!
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 March 2013):
 Oh no, I like opera and classical. Yes, it is bland but at least you are normal or try to sound normal.
Do you really love life that much?
You can't really know people from profiles. I dated a guy who said in his profile that he is reliable, will be with a partner through ups and downs. Turns out he has borderline personality and anxiety attacks.
You present yourself well in the description and that's all you need for a woman to not delete you off as a psycho or weirdo. You just have to respond to a woman's profile, ask for a number and go on a date as fast as she is willing. Don't fuss too much over a profile. Your length of the profile is just perfect. Not too brief, not too long. No one wants to read your life story on a profile.
...............................
|
