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male
,
anonymous
writes: I’m a bisexual male. Not totally ‘out’, only ‘out’ to my closest friends. I have had sexual ‘relations’ with both males and females, but I find myself attracted more to males rather than females. Two things are bothering at the moment:1. There is this boy, my age that is a good friend of my friend’s brother. I used to see him regularly while going out and clubbing, also on the train to college. We’d only ever really spoken while clubbing on a few occasions, as I was wearing a ‘Smiths’ T shirt, which he complimented me on, but we never spoke, as there’s always an embarrassment factor of ‘I spoke to him while I was drunk, I must of made a fool out of myself’ if you get my meaning. While seeing him out and about, I always thought, oh he’s nice looking, cute boyish looks, and perfect dress sense, also he has a similar music taste. One night while clubbing he lost his friends somehow, and ended up with me and my friend, who he knows because it’s his friends brother. I was punched outside of the club for no reason (it’s a long story) and this ‘boy’ helped me, took me to a nearby hotel and cleaned me up. From then on it was hard to stop thinking about him, I mean I’d spoken to him before, sort of. But I was head over heels with him now. I later found out, that his best friend is gay, and he’s fine with that, his friend loves him more than a friend, supposedly. And he himself could very well be bi-sexual, he seems not to be straight to me, but I may be delusional, I just can’t tell. He tends to kiss a lot of girls, but so do I while in a straight club, just what occurs, you know. I’ve spoken once to him in about four weeks, as he only lives five or ten minutes from my house, (I see him walking around my village from time to time). He gets on my train once or twice a week, but we have never spoke on the train, as he seems very shy and hides at the back. If I see him out anywhere we say hello to each other, apart from on the train as I stated. 2. Also there is a girl who seems to be very fond of me, she is very nice looking, and has a nice nature, she knows of my sexuality, and understands. Although I don’t find her sexually attractive, I’m head over heels with someone else at the moment, you know.
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best friend, clubbing, drunk, friend's brother, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, juliagulia  +, writes (15 March 2006):
 Well, it is clear that you don't like the girl as more than a friend, so keep it as such so that you don't lead her on and hurt her feelings. We ladies often get attached to gay or bisexual men because they are more open-minded and senstive than most straight men and it is always difficult for us to truly deal with their sexuality, even if we think we "understand". She is definitely not going to take your mind off the boy you are interested in, from the sounds of it. He may be interested, and just shy because he has not had the experiences you have had. Maybe he is curious and just doesn't know how to approach things. If he is spending a lot of time with gay or bisexual men, then that may be the case. I am sure the idea of you bringing him out of his shell is very appealing to you, but I think you should follow the other advice you were given and go very easy on him -- you cannot be sure what he is thinking right now. When you see him walking around or what not, you should definitely say hi to him! Strike up a conversation with him. Be sure to thank him again for helping you out that night. But don't make any moves or obvious signals at this point until you can kind of see whether or not he is interested in more than friendship. If it seems he may be or you are still unsure, then ask him to do something with you sometime. He does seem very open-minded, so at least if you do make a move, he most likely will only say "Thanks, but no thanks - I am straight" and I am sure you can live with that. Good luck!
A
female
reader, addison +, writes (15 March 2006):
 Id hate to be the bearer of bad tidings but it sounds like this guy is open minded, but straight. Maybe he is aware of you intentions and that is why he is keeping back a bit on the train. Play it safe. Be a mate first. Get to know him a bit better. He sounds very caring, but perhaps don't confuse that with feelings of lust! Im not gay, so don't take my words as gospel, but from what you have written, just take it easy a bit! Good lucK!
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