A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I would like to ask this to both male and females out there. I've just recently been on a date with a guy I met online.I'm a single mum and my job is 99% female so I find it difficult to meet men the normal way eg through work ,bars etc .I always seem to be attracted to men who are by their nature tactile and passionateHere is my problem, although I like the fact they are warm and passionate but they seem to feel they can touch me and make advances on a first date. I mean touch my hair try and kiss me. I am not flirty and I feel annoyed that they think im going to jump into bed with them soon. I don't dress tarty or wear loads of make up. I wish men would respect my boundaries.How do I stop this vicious circle ?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (8 February 2013):
 You want a tactile and passionate man, just not on the first date. I'd make that clear enough. This will weed out any guys who are looking for a more casual relationship.
I don't know what your communications are before the date but I would make it pretty clear that you want to go very slowly in the physical aspects of the relationship. A guy who is okay with this will stick around; the ones who aren't will weed themselves out.
A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (8 February 2013):
 I don't really understand what you mean by being too tactile, as if it's something you are doing that is giving these men the green light to make advances that you're not comfortable with. Do you tell them that you like to be touched? Is your profile headline "I like to touch, and I like men who like to touch?" I'm guessing not. I think these guys are just trying it on and if you don't like it you need to be honest about it and tell them to slow down. If you don't they will think you want them to keep doing it.And if you don't like men who try it on right away, and you would prefer it if they took their time and got to know you as a person, well that comes down to the men you are choosing. If you go for the good looking, knows what to say, cocky as hell type then that's what you're going to get.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (8 February 2013):
 Hi
This is the nature of online dating, even if you don't advertise the fact you are attracted to tactile men on your profile,they will still give it a go.
I found the majority of men on these sites thought single women equalled 'gagging for it', so I gave up.
You could try sitting opposite them,rather than next to and always pick somewhere really busy.Meet them at the venue and leave before them,then your never in a situation where they can grope.
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A
male
reader, pschitzo n not +, writes (8 February 2013):
a lesson to try is to listen to yourself as you talk feel the way you walk n posture, if you rely feel somthing may be alerting them to act this way their lyies the problem, hope its a bit helpfull.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2013): unfortunately men think women online are desperate and most are. they are only trying. For all they know you could bn dying for it. they wont know unless they try.
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A
male
reader, Eli_B80 +, writes (8 February 2013):
Well, first of all I can say that you sound like a breath of fresh air, because its getting hard to find respectable women like yourself anymore...But if you do find someone who you are interested in, and he feels the same towards you, just be up-front from the start, about your stance on things...I know it is easier said than done, but if it is getting on your nerves, than you will have to go that route. I am a single father myself, and I have been looking for a respectable woman, like yourself, but they are hard to find, at least for me anyways...
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