A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid,There’s this guy that I’ve been hanging out with and texting for the past couple of weeks; for security purposes, we'll just call him X. I invited two of my friends to a concert next month, and one of the friends, in turn, invited her boyfriend and his roommate--X.We’ve all hung out together a few times, and X and I have hung out one-on-one a couple of times as well. From what I’ve seen, he's a pretty good guy--he's sweet, he's cute, he's funny, he's country as all get-out...you get the idea.Even though we've only known each other for a short amount of time, X has expressed interest in establishing a romantic relationship with me. At first, I thought that I might be interested in doing so with him, but I wasn't sure because I recently just got out of a relationship that continued on-and-off for a little less than two years. It was my most seriously relationship; I lost my virginity to him (which was a huge deal for me, because I had always promised that I was going to wait until marriage) and truly thought that we were going to get married someday. Basically, I poured my heart and soul into making it work...and since it didn't work, I’ve been struggling with trust issues and just don't feel like I’m ready to move on and be with anybody else.I’ve done a lot of thinking about it, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I am, indeed, not ready to take another try at love. I am still associating with my ex and trying to reconcile with him; in fact, I was with him just last night. I know that I really need to tell X all of this, but I’m scared of hurting him. And I really don't want things to be awkward at the concert, because we're all really looking forward to it, and it's his very first concert, and I don't want to mess that up for him. I definitely do still want to be his friend as well, and I’m afraid that after I tell him that I don't want to be anything more, it's going to keep friendship from happening. How would you suggest that I break the news to him? Any help is greatly appreciated! ")
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (9 February 2013):
Just tell him the truth that you are trying to work things out with your ex. If you lie to him, he will eventually find out (since you want to continue being friends. If you hide it from him, everyone will eventually find out and people will begin to look at you differently. Lying just isn't the way to go about these things. Be straight and tell him the truth. Yes he will hurt but this is the reality of the situation.
The thing is he also has the right to chose if he wants to remain your friend or not...it is not only your choice. Afterall, he has feelings for you and you do not for him.
Personally I feel like you are lying to yourself because here you say you aren't looking for a relationship but you are trying to reconcile with your ex? What is there to really reconcile? I mean if you were really trying to reconcile then you wouldn't be hiding it from your "friend". You are young and you feel like this is the only guy for you. I just hope that you aren't being manipulated but if things do work out with your ex, then good for you!
Al the best I hope it works out. Just needs time.
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