A
female
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anonymous
writes:Please help, my insecurities are driving me crazy!!!I have noticed that in the last year or so, I have this tendency to be needed to be told that I am loved every single minute of the day. If that doesn't happen, I get really insecure and down on myself and think bad things and become just really upset, mad, angry, frustrated and depressed. I used to hardly even need to be told that I was loved, until sometime, I don't know what changed it, but now I am so insecure I need to hear it all the time. But what i have realised is that even hearing it every single minutre doesnt help. Because after its said, it wears off and I need 'another fix'.I have also become exstremely jealous with people. In particular with my best guy friend, who I care for a lot. If he talks to another girl, i get really insecure and feel soooo threatened and feel like i'm not good enough to be his friend because hes talking to someone else.As you may have already assumed, I like him a lot more then just a friend.I hate feeling so insecure and jealous. Its making me a person I dont wanna be. I hate havign to depend on other people to say they love me all the time just so I can feel good. but then that doesnt even work cuz it soon enough wears off and I feel bad again.Can anyone give me some guidance on what to do to stop feeling like this? I hate it sooooo much.I've tried positive self talk and all that but it just doesn't work. I still don't beleive in any of it I guess. I just dont understand whats wrong with me. LIke if someone asked me ot list all the goodqualities about myself, I could do it, easily. But i still feel really bad about myself. Most of the time this downess about myself is brought on through seeing that friend i mentioned before with other girls. I feel like I am just another friend, nothing special. I don't see why he would need me as a friend we he has a million other girl friends who are probably way better then me.thanks for taking the time to read this, I really do appriciate it :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey, thank you all soooooooooo much for your help. I really appriciate it that you all read it and replied.
A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2006): I am 17 years old, so yeah i am a teenager. I've always been a shy person and never outgoing, but i wouldn't say ive always been insecure. I think i started geting a bit more insecure when i was around the age of 15 and it really started when I turned 16 and its been the same ever since. Yet i do have good 'patches' where i feel good about myself then suddenly ill fall down again. it almost seems random.
A
female
reader, Wolf Paws +, writes (11 October 2006):
 I Hope This Will Cheer You Up-
Every night , someone thinks about you before they go to sleep,
At least fifteen people in this world love you.
The only reason someone would ever hate you is
because they want to be just like you!
There are at least two people in this world that would die for you
You mean the world to someone.
Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it
When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look,
Always remember the compliments you've received.
Forget the rude remarks.
Someone is thinking about you at this very moment
You Are Loved!
Wolf Paws -x-
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2006): Hey sweetie, how old are you? A lot of people go through the "nobody loves me" stage at some time in their life and strangely enough it’s something you just get over. I used to have the insecurity of thinking I constantly looked ugly and used to flick my hair all the time. It was only when I actually scratched someone’s eye (they had to go to casualty :S) with my hair that I finally realized I had to stop doing it. Driven by fear that I might hurt someone else I stopped flicking my hair and soon came to realize how stupid I had been. I stopped doing it out of CHOICE then and now have a lot more friends and even a boyfriend! That was more to show you that you're not alone in feeling this and usually it’s a teenage hormone thing that will eventually pass. But I don't think you say how long it’s been going on for? if its been going on for a v. long time you need to talk to a real close friend on how you may be able to solve these insecurities and make yourself feel better about yourself. You may even need a professional councilor. Perhaps try to take a holiday abroad with your family or on your own. No matter how short or long you are away, being in a different country makes you feel SO much better. It really does. You can waltz through the streets looking HOWETHER you want to and gibbering in any made up language you want to. After all, nobody knows you do they? All in all you just need to accept that you are yourself and nobody else can change that. Believe me, people love you as long as you love them, you don't need to be told every second of every day do you? You really don’t. Love yourself for who you are. I hope this helps hun. :) Wolf –x-
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Eddie. In reply to what you said, its hard for me to think of anything that happened me to cause me to feel like this. My mum has always told me she loved me and that im beautiful etc and I always got more attention then my sister as i was youngest in the family. But my dad never said he loved me. Maybe thats something? We aren't very close at all.
I wasn't overweight or anything, in fact I know i'm really pretty but I'm still so insecure.
But I was left out quite a bit in high school. About 2 years ago, my group I hung out with at school started excluding me and making me feel really bad. they emotionally bullied me and stuff. if ever i was to speak they would make fun of me, gang up on me, ignore me or tell me to shutup. i guess that made me feel like i wasn't worthy of anyones time.
and last year, my parents took in a troubled teenage boy to look after who was on drugs, smoking and drank alot of alcohol. he was really troubled and i went from having all the attention to having barely any. i know that affected me a lot.
so i guess maybe those are some reasons? what do you guys think?
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (11 October 2006):
 Perhaps you were trated badly as a child or younger person and you buried the hurt feelings then. Sometimes we deal with things by hiding them and then they resuface when something happens to stir up old feelings.
Were you ridiculed as a child, left out, overweight, felt unattractive etc? Did you have an overbearing parent that wouldn't let you blossom and left you feeling starved for attention? Perhaps the combination of liking this guy and not getting the response you hope for is shattering your self esteem. These things can build up like a volcano and erupt unexpectedly.
You should talk to a professional about this. Get the answers to help you deal with what's inside.
Good luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2006): Your problem got my attention because i used to be the same. Theres one thing you need to take into account and that is that there is NOTHING wrong with you! Your problem is that youve fallen in love with your best friend it is unhealthy for you to feel like this you need to talk to him about it, trust me even if he doesnt like you in the same way which is proberly very unlikly that he dosent then you will be able to carry on your friendship as normal you will find that you will wb able to get over the rejection (if thats the case) alot easyer than you think. and you will be able to get over this desprate need for love and attention. i sincerly hope this helps.
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female
reader, steemo  +, writes (11 October 2006):
 if you were that bad you wouldnt have any friends for a start you are lucky you have a good frined that puts up with you .....
you need to tell this guy how much you like him you never no he may feel the same and if he dont at least you will no and will be able to get your friendship back on track
SO COME ON SORT YA SEN OUT GET A SMILE ON THAT FACE AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS C YOUR SMILING NOW
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male
reader, Don_Navarro  +, writes (11 October 2006):
 Ohh I'm real sorry to hear you feel like this. Have you comminicated this to your special guy friend? He may be unaware he's causing you hurt. Maybe you could tell him you like him more than just a friend, as he may be unaware of this also.
Another thing, why not get out there and do a hobby you really enjoy? Like meet some new people who are into the same stuff as you. That'll help lift your confidence a bit. I know the feeling well and it took me a while to get over it. Have you talked to your mum about how you feel? Or a close family member? They'll be able to help you feel better about yourself.
You sound like an on-to-it and kind person, I'm sure people would see this in you if you let them!
okay all the best :D
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