A
female
age
30-35,
*maa1476
writes:Hi. Im 16, nearly 17 years old and i want a baby. Im in a very stable relationship with my boyfriend who i have been with for almost two years, and i just feel i am ready. at the moment i am living with my boyfriend and his parents as me and my mum dont get on. however i am worried about what my mum will say when i tell her that i am pregnant. what would you recommend i do?
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female
reader, ChristineBzb  +, writes (8 February 2010):
Hi. I hate those people that say live your life your still young and have fun. I had a baby already with my boyfriend and i wouldn't change it for anything in the world, he's the most amazing thing to ever happen to me, to love someone as much as your own child is jut amazing. I wasn't finished school but i carried on in school and got my qualifications with my child and i still go out with the girls. Having a child is starting your life! Do what will make you happy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009): DON'T GOSH YOU'LL END UP ON BENEFITS AND LIVE ON OUR TAXES OR END UP BEING A BURDEN ON YOUR PARENTS! YOU'RE YOUNG LIVE LIFE.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): to be honest, i think the comments below are shoking and it is your life and your desion and it dosent matter what anyone says on this if you have your heart set on somthing you are gonna go a do it anyway.i'm not saying its acceptable but you have your own mind babys are a lot of money though.talk to your mam about it first before you do go doing it unprotected, see how she reacts and if you can do that you can tell her when you become pregnantgood lookxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008): Hi i can see you have more than enough advice above and i think just about everythings been covered. I just wanted to add to it as im going through the same thing, almost. Im 17 and have felt the strongest urge to have a baby recently, for about 7 months+, but have decided against it as i have no financial means besides my parents and also have no boyfriend :| which could potentially stand in the way lol. I have done my first year of college studying law but im not sure its the path im going to continue along. So i have high hopes for the future and have decided to have a baby at around 19/20 assuming il be in a steady relationship by then and a good job etc...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): im 17 years old and i kno how u feel. i want to start a family now but i mostly think and gettin out of high school first and goin to college for 4 years. and ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we want to start a family to but we have our whole life before us. but the only thing i can say if you if and ur boyfriend really love each other then ya'll should wait till yall have a good ass job and a good home for the two of ya'll and your baby right after high school and college.....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): Don't do it. Live some more first - even if it's only 2 or 3 years. I've just turned 18 and have been with my boyfriend for 4 years - we BOTH want to start our family. So I know how you feel.
But think about it, at 17 what qualifications do you have? How are you going to provide for your baby? They're seriously expensive things (I know how much my friend has just spent having one) and that's only the start of it. Surely you want the best possible life for your child? and honestly, I don't think we (anyone our age, unless both of the parents have steady, decent jobs and can easily support themselves) can provide the best quality of life for a child.
And think about the pressure this puts on your relationship. Have you and your boyfriend ever been through very rocky patches before? I mean, so bad you came a hairs breadth to breaking up, or even actually did so? Do you know you can talk through anything with him? Does HE want a baby? If things went pear-shaped and you had to move out from his place, what would you do with a baby to support too?
There's so much to consider. I know how you feel. Honestly, I do. I have been dreaming of my own since I was little older than you. I know my boyfriend wants it too, and I know we can get past anything together (in the last 4 years we've been through hell and back). But most importantly, you have to think about what's best for the baby. Having a child cannot be a selfish thing.
So, my advice is wait. Get some qualifications, get a job. Save some money. Experience life before you get too tied down being a mother - how could you help your child through the tumultuous experiences of it's life if you'd never had the chance to experience similar things yourself? You're so young and you've got so much time. Just wait a while and see how you feel.
If it gets that bad "borrow" a baby from someone you know i.e. see if you can look after it for a weekend or something, to get a taste of what it's really like to get up in the middle of the night to change or feed a screaming baby. That sort of thing.
Hope that gives you something to think about.
As for your mum, I think she'd be more worried about you being pregnant than anything else, for the same reasons I mentioned above.
Take care =)
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (18 November 2008):
 These answers may have read a little harsh, but they're all completely COMPLETELY true. We Aunts are giving you a little tough love, my sweet. For the time being, why don't you just buy a bunch of really cute baby stuff to soothe the urge? Keep it in a super cute box for the future - and believe me, when the time comes and you ARE ready to have babies, you'll be thanking yourself for preparing!!
In the meantime get a puppy. I've been wanting babies for awhile (though I know that I'm not quite ready to give up my independence yet) with my man, and he decided to surprise me with something small and fuzzy and adorable to hug, name and love. Seriously, it has completely soothed my maternal urges for now. The puppy is a lot of work!! I look at that puppy and think, "oh my GOD a baby would be like, 25x more crazy than this".
You'll get to do all the same things that you would do with a baby. Feed the puppy, take the puppy to the vet, name it, play with it, get up every two hours at night to take care of her... and if you're into that kind of thing, I guess you could dress it up.
Anyhow, just throwing that thought out there. Good luck!
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female
reader, Rob-x-x-x +, writes (18 November 2008):
hi. you obviously think that things will work with this baby and your boyfriend but just think what will happen when the baby comes? will you still be living with his parents? i think you not only need to think about your mum but your need to worry about what will happen when the baby comes. you cant spend your whole life away from your mum so you need to tell her. you should ask her for help and see how she reacts. you also need to remember to not rush into things. two years maybe long to you...but thats only because your young. you need to spend some time on your own thinking of all of the consequences and all the possible routes you could take.
you may find my advice partly harsh and i am sorry if you do but you need to face the reality.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008): dont be foolish you idiot how can you have a baby now without a job and a house how are you going to maintain the baby im only 12 i know im insulting you but i dont think youll be a good example to your child so dont have a child now (iketle) wait until its the right time.
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female
reader, samsmommy +, writes (18 November 2008):
 First off if you don't have a house/apartment and you don't have a job, DON'T have a kid.
And secondly, do you WANT to wake up in the middle of the night every 2 hrs to feed a SCREAMING infant? do you really WANT to be spit up on, never have a second alone, have to drop out of school? etc.(i'm guessing, well kinda hoping, that by your age you're still in high school)
Or do you just want a cute cuddly baby that everone thinks is SO cute? And you want to dress them up in cute clothes? And do you want to buy them a bunch of cute toys?
Somehow I think you would prefer the latter. Not to be harsh but do youself a favor and just get a doll.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008): This is TOO funny! You can't afford your own place but think you can afford a baby?! GROW UP!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008): How can you consider having a baby when you can't even afford your own place to live? Moreover, are you ready to make a life long committment to your boyfriend? If so, then get married first so that the baby will be born into a stable family nucleus. And if you say that you can't afford a wedding then you certainly can't afford a baby. Try and be realistic. And have you asked your boyfriend's parents if they actually want a baby in their house or do they not get a choice in that?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008): Having a child at that age doesn't mean you ruin your life. Or that you can't do everything you planned to do in the first place.
It just means it will be far more of a challenge to do those things.
It annoys me how people think a 17 year old doesn't know how to take care of a child. It's written into your DNA how to do it.
Now ideally, I would suggest waiting, as this makes things easier.
But in the end you must make the decision about what is right FOR YOU. Not anyone else.
If it is right for you, then all the best.
Don't let anyone decide for you.
Flynn 24
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008): I really wanted a baby and then I realised like your guna be raising that child until it's 20 it hasn't put me off wanting one but i think after university i will go on a gap year and then have one i mean then you can party and have fun. i think once your with someone you really love you just wana commit to them 100%. but yeah wait a bit longer that way the fights between your mum and bf may have stopped!xgoodluck
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male
reader, Bryanz +, writes (18 November 2008):
Far to young too have a child. Do not have a child at that age, you'll throw all your life away. Wait untill your AT LEAST 20. And for you're parents, they sure and the hell aren't gunna be by your side for the child.
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female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (18 November 2008):
do you really want to have a child yet? it may seem all fun and games with having a little baby. but the reality is very different. if you're not ready for a child it could tear your relationship apart and as for your social life..well don't expect to beable to go out with your friends as much as you would like. you can't expect your or his parents to care for your baby when you feel you have had enough. you're far too young for that sort of responsibility. how would you even have the finances?
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reader, baddogbj  +, writes (17 November 2008):
 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Babies are wonderful but they will be just as wonderful in 10 years time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2008): That you reconsider this decision strongly and try to go to one family member who has a baby 's house and try out what it's like looking after a baby for 48 hours, and then you'll see what a tiring exhausting relationship ruining thing it can be. Obviously it seems ideallic now but are you sure you are ready, it isn't all laughs
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