A
male
age
30-35,
*irdman21
writes:My girlfriend says she feels bad about us having sex because she feels like I'm doing all the work. Theres no pleasure issues, I've done my anatomy, psychology and physiological homework and have developed some kind of bizarre self control from chronic masturbation. She wants to take a more active role in pleasing me, because honestly all I've done thus far is try to please her.Heres my question: How does she take a more active role? I don't know what to tell her because we're each other's first partner, and while I have an idea of what I'm doing, I have no idea how to explain to her or how to guide her in how she can take over. I know this is a question for her to ask, but she doesn't have an account on here. Any advice is appreciated.Thanks in advance. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Birdman21 +, writes (5 February 2011):
Birdman21 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat do you mean by controlling foreplay?
A
male
reader, countrylover0976 +, writes (5 February 2011):
Foreplay may be what you need to let her control. It is just as much foreplay as it is sex that controls sensations in your body. Touch is a mighty big controlling factor and you might suggestion that she take over that role and you take over in the sexual role. Always change things each time when you have sex so it does not become mundane but you can both achieve equalness by giving things a slight control on each persons part.
Hope it goes well for you both!
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A
male
reader, ivanichiaynus  +, writes (5 February 2011):
 She needs to adopt a better position. As we are not blessed with the means to draw diagrams on here, may I suggest that you look up the "Cosmopolitan" website; they have lots of graphic (in both senses!) descriptions of a wide variety of positions - enough to keep you busy for months!Ivan.
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A
male
reader, Birdman21 +, writes (5 February 2011):
Birdman21 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI figured that would be the answer, so I'm going to respond with this. She likes to go on top and I like when she does it, but again, she doesn't know what to do and I don't know how to instruct her. Sometimes I pop or slide out, when she goes up and down, which I feel is emasculating because thats a sign of a too-short dong.
I'm on the upper-half of average (just above 6,)but tihs makes me feel real down about myself when this happens so I try so stray away from girl on top. Do you have any tips on how to prevent this from happening, aside from me gaining some goddamn self esteem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2011): As long as you're both enjoying yourself I shouldn't worry too much about who's doing what.
When a person first becomes sexually active they rarely know what they want or how to please their partner in the best way possible as you're both still learning.
If you both really want to persue this then communication is key. Show and tell her what feels good, and if that doesn't work then neither of you should beat yourself up about it.
Most guys (especially younger guys) have certain things that simply don't work for them eg. can't cum if a girl is on top during sex, can't cum from a handjob/blowjob. Everybody's different.
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A
female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (5 February 2011):
 Active role means she can go on top and dominate the penetration and the moves. You just lie down and enjoy the show.
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