A
female
age
36-40,
*odelCitizen
writes:Hi everyone, I'm looking for some second opinions on my situation if that's ok? So I'm 28 and I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. He is 26. He has just asked me to move in with him but I'm not sure if I want to or not. The main reason for my feelings is that his life still revolves mainly around his friends. He is very sociable and has a lot of friends, which is something I do love about him, but it also means he spends most of the weekend with them. He works all day Saturday which is not his fault, but most Saturday nights and Sunday afternoons/nights are spent either in the pub or drinking at a friends house. So I usually see him 1 night of the weekend and that's it. I feel horrible for saying this because I would never want him to stop seeing his friends or anything, but I do feel the balance is off a bit. It doesn't help that he works so late during the week (up to 10.30pm) and I'm up at 6am for my work too, so if I see him during the week it's only for a couple of hours max.I guess I'm just scared I'll move in with him and spend most of the time by myself. He thinks it will be better because I will be there every weeknight so we can spend time together then. To me that's not real quality time though. It's that awkward time before I go to bed and he is having a late dinner, so we don't have time to actually do anything together.Please don't get me wrong on this either, I do have my own friends too but a much smaller group and most of them are settled and doing 'couply' things now. Also, his get togethers consist of a group of guys so it's not like I can tag along (I don't think any of the girlfriends go).I'm guessing this is because he is a bit younger than me, and I know he doesn't have a lot of time and he is trying to balance everyone in his life too so it's difficult, but something is telling me not to move in with him just now.What do you think? Thanks in advance :) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ModelCitizen +, writes (28 August 2013):
ModelCitizen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone it's the OP here. Many thanks for commenting it's been really helpful. I think your answers basically sum up everything I've been thinking. As sad as it is, I think it's time for some hard decisions :(
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2013): Agreeing with cindycares and ciar...dont be convienent for him...he needs to balance more for you both as a couple otherwise you will be alone and you will be the wifey while he goes out like your teenage child...not looking good from here. Sorry.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2013): Trust your gut. If you don't want to move in, don't :)
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (27 August 2013):
 I hate that....
Anyway, OP, I have to agree with the others. Your boyfriend's priorities are clear and there is nothing wrong with them as long as he is supporting himself and not expecting someone else to make a him a big priority in their life. The others have already covered this so I'm not going to dwell on it.
I do feel compelled to add that you have got to overcome whatever guilt you have about this. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking stock of a situation and deciding whether or not it works for you. You aren't betraying anyone by doing it but you would betray yourself by not doing it.
Don't move in with him. You do that when things are working out great and the bugs have been ironed out. Things might be great for him but they aren't for you.
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female
reader, Ciar +, writes (27 August 2013):
OP
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 August 2013):
 I think that you are a smart girl and you have smelled a rat, consisting in the fact that living together would perhaps benefit him, but not you. In the sense that you probably would end up playing wifey, doing chores,keeping everything tidy, cooking (... who's going to prepare that " late meal " ? )AND providing quick easy no frills sex on demand in that short " awkward " time before your bedtime. Which would be convenient for him, but, what's in it for you ? Nothing, because you still would only get one night a week of quality time , which you already get anyway without having to sacrifice your comfort, privacy, habits and social life.
Then again, as the other posters say, that's more about the relationship than about cohabitation itself . You say he is trying to balance everybody in his life.. well, if he is tryng , he is not tryng hard enough , because he is not actually " balancing " , he is living as a single guy and graciously fitting you in one night a week. It does not strike me as such a big effort, I mean, I am all in favour of keeping friends and a social circle also when you are in a relationship, but at 26, so , not exactly a gregarious teenager, does he still have this huge need for " hanging out with the lads " EVERY Saturday and Sunday ? Isn't he sick of that- aren't YOU sick of that ?.
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female
reader, R1 +, writes (27 August 2013):
 this is more about your relationship than whether you should move in. Are you happy with the way it is? Do you want someone who has more time for you?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (27 August 2013):
 I wouldn't give him "credit" for his age ("...I'm guessing this is because he is a bit younger than me..").
Instead focus on the detail that he doesn't make you much of a priority in his life (AND, you are not insisting or expecting that he ever will......).
Decide if you want to be "second fiddle" in his life... or, if you'd rather have a boyfriend who covets you a great deal more than this one does....
Good luck....
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