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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I've been having sexual problems lately. I've been with this woman for 4 years and never had anything like this happen, but for the past two or three months or so I've been going soft during sex and sometimes we have to stop altogether because I can't get it going again. It's very frustrating for both of us. So I've been looking at ways to fix it... we've tried new positions and places and all that, but it doesn't really help... and now I can't masturbate either, it's going soft. I tried watching porn (which I haven't done since I was 14) but that didn't help at all, I couldn't get it up, gave up after about 2 minutes, but I kind of expected that because porn's never done that much for me. I'm starting to think that it might be a physical problem rather than a problem getting aroused because my girlfriend still turns me on and I really want to f*ck her but once I get started... it just fizzles! She's starting to get sexually frustrated... all in all.. it's just a bad situation and I'm very stressed out. I even considered ordering pills or something but I'm a young guy and I should be able to do this on my own... SO... basically I'm going insane and need urgent advice from men who have experienced this or even women who have experienced this problem in their partners. How do I make it stop!?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008): might want to try herbal suppliments too. Maca, Ginseng, and Yohimbe work REAL well.... but if you have a heart condition, stay well away from yohimbe.
A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (20 August 2008):
 You might be psyching yourself out a bit, on top of any physical problems you have. Maybe you're so worried that you won't perform, that you don't? I experienced a minor hiccup one night with my girlfriend and every time we went to make love after that I was worried about it happening again... and it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. We stopped trying for a few weeks and focussed on other things, cuddling, kissing, bonding in nonsexual ways. Eventually I was so pent up that going soft wasn't even an option, and the problem went away once I stopped thinking of it and my confidence came back. Haven't had the problem since, it only lasted a few months, and that was... a couple years ago now. So, it worked for me. Try it.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (20 August 2008):
 I'm not inclined to believe that you need medical help at this point, as "LonelyButNotAlone" suggests, but you are indeed a bit young to be experiencing such a problem. As suggested, stress can certainly affect the situation. It can build and build over time. However, I agree with you that this will likely pass and that you can handle it.
From a personal perspective, this kind of thing sometimes occurs with me, but probably because I am much older and sometime intake too much beer. My likewise older girlfriends are thankfully willing to "suck" me back to erection when needed, after which we can usually reach mutual satisfaction. That is my suggestion - simply let your woman help you keep going with some nicely placed kisses and attention "you know where." Works for me, maybe it will for you.
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A
female
reader, littlesuziepie +, writes (20 August 2008):
 Hi. I have had this happen between me and my boyfriend for 3 years now. Its very discouraging for both people. I know. I don't know what will work for you. You need to talk to your doctor because if its physical it can be fixed. Don't delay. The mental issues it causes for both of you will become a relationship breaker if it is left to go untreated.
Also. I got really great advise from this site so check out the questions I have and some of the answers I have gotten.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, LonelyButNotAlone +, writes (20 August 2008):
 It may be a lot of stuff. It could be stress related. It could be diet related.
I would suggest you go see a doctor about it.
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