A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I cheat but I don't feel like one. I am in a steady relationship with my boyfriend of 8 months, and we are great together, the connection is intense. The level of sex is, however, nowhere near enough to satisfy me.We have sex maybe once a week, if he feels like it. This is his first serious relationship and he has requested we take it slow, and I respect that.But the one time I tried to tell my boyfriend there wasn't enough sex, he got really upset so I've never mentioned it again.I've slept with four other people while being with him. They were slightly more than one night stands (I know them all and am on good terms with them still). I expected to feel awful about it but I don't.I have no intentions of telling him, as it will only depress him further.Is it wrong to cheat even when it allows me to take the pressure off him? Or should I go and see a doctor about my high sex-drive?
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male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (7 May 2009):
 Why don't you think about someone else other than yourself?
It's clear you have no respect or love for your BF...so why don't you have the respect for him to break up with him. Really it appears you are way too immature to be in any relationship. Let him be happy with someone who will actually respect him, since you dont.
would you want this to go down the way it is if the shoe were on the other foot? How would you like to be cheated upon?
You basically just need to grow up.
A
male
reader, mytwocents +, writes (7 May 2009):
 You're hurting TWO people right now. You're not getting what you want, and he's getting something I'm SURE he wouldn't want. Who wants their girl going behind their back with some guy, never mind four?
You have to be the bigger person and take action here: find someone that you have sexual compatibility with (i.e. level of drive), or become single so you can sleep around till your you-know-what's content. You can also tell him (as one previous poster suggested) that you want to have an open relationship, so you can meet your needs. My guess is that he won't go for that. Most guys wouldn't, probably.
Having said that, it's important to remember that while sex isn't EVERYTHING, it is still very important. I've dealt with a male-version of your problem, since I have a gf with a low drive and my drive has steadily increased in recent years. I've seriously considered looking for (cheating) with someone that's like you. Let's say, "more motivated." But, for the moment, I've sucked it up and put up with the difficult conversations with her and the consequences of making her upset. I'm not cold or mean; I try to be sensitive, but honest. It's not a good thing to hear, I imagine. No matter how you put it, it comes across as, "you're not satisfying me in this important way." I've negotiated things that will make the diminished AMOUNT of sex more interesting and satisfying for me (i.e. experimentation). Right now, that stage is in progress.
If this doesn't work, I may have to consider the next stage: moving on; or doing something more drastic, like talking with her about introducing an acceptable third party. I suggest you take a similar approach.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): Yeah, you need to let the BF go before you hurt him. You don't respect him enough, it's clear. Also, by continuing this type of behavior dishonestly, it will erode your self-esteem. I also think having 4 partners will erode your self-esteem, particularly overtime, but, hey, I don't know you... I know I myself would love to have a partner with a high sex drive (as I have had in the past; my wife isn't so highly driven:( ). Anywho, I don;t think it will be a problem finding a man to keep up with your demands. But cheating on this scale... that ain't good for no-one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): If your a serial cheater. why not be in an open relatonship or wait till you feel ready for a relationship. Why keep hurting people
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A
male
reader, happylife +, writes (6 May 2009):
By the way, just in case it wasn't clear, before you can develop the relations with multiple partners, you must first break up with your current boyfriend.
Good luck again,
Happylife
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A
male
reader, happylife +, writes (6 May 2009):
I would recommend that you focus on developing relations with multiple sexual partners that you can rely on for constant sex. However, you should not get into an exclusive relationship with anyone. Tell your partners that you are looking for a sexual relationship with no strings attached. This will allow you to satisfy your sexual cravings without having to cheat on anyone or breaking anyone's heart.
Good luck,
Happylife
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): It's not much of a steady relationship if you've been off with four other people during it, is it?
Maybe you're just not compatible, but there's a lot more to a relationship than sex. You telling him you weren't getting enough has probably put him under pressure to perform and it's had the opposite effect.
I'd say do him a big favour and break it off. If he finds out what you've been doing - and it's likely he will - I suspect that he'll do the breaking up anyway. Not to mention you'll be getting quite a name for yourself.
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