A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a homosexual male but I am acting as a heterosexual to remain accepted in my society. People around me seem very judgemental and so I am afraid of being judged for my sexual orientation.I have a girlfriend which makes it worse as I don't want to hurt her by telling her.I have no idea what my next step is as I don't find anyone trustworthy enough for me to tell them. I feel like I should tell someone but I just don't know who to tell.What should I do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, AvgGuy1  +, writes (26 February 2011):
 This question reads just like...
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-begin-to-tell-people-that.html
but the poster is older.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the answers. They really helped. :).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2011): I don't think you will ever be happy until you are honest about the person you are. My nephew has said he is gay - he is 16 years old. He has been worrying about telling people for months. Ok he didn't have a girlfriend but he was not sure how people would react. Fact is people have been better than he thought about it. I am very proud he is such an honest young man and also since coming out he has grown in confidence. Remember - the truth will set you free.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (26 February 2011):
 You got great advice. No, it's not fair to your girlfriend and you should end that immediately. But, if you aren't ready to come out - you don't have to. You can break up with her because you aren't attracted to her, or because it just doesn't feel right. As for coming out, you can and should do things at your own pace. When you feel ready and that the time is right, it'll happen. I come from a place where the GLBT community is thriving and happily accepted and embraced, so it's hard for me to tell you to come out if you don't feel ready and like you'll have acceptance and support. But in the meantime, it is not fair to your girlfriend in the least. She deserves to find someone interested in her. She may be sad, but happier in the long run with someone else.
Good luck, sweet and I hope you can find someone to tell the truth to. Even just telling one person will help lift the burden of living a lie. Try to find someone you can truly trust and let them be a friend to you!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2011): I agree with Honeypie that it is unfair to your girlfriend having to believe you love her. I would assume that she would rather you be honest with her then to keep it a secret until she finds out herself, which will hurt her even more. I understand that the LGBT community have a difficult life because of how the community are being outcast, bullied and teased but I honestly believe this is why it makes homosexuals stronger spiritually. You can't hide forever because then you will feel like something inside of you wants to release itself and you're not allowing it because of your insecurities. It doesn't matter what people say because you were born gay and you should be proud of that and embrace your sexual orientation which can influence many other people who are struggling today. Don't rush anything, take your time. It is YOU who decides whether or not you're ready and comfortable. Stay strong!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2011): I had a friend who was in exactly the same situation as you about a month ago. He had a girlfriend (whom he'd seen for 2 years) and was denying the fact he was gay. Then when he was a wee bit tipsy, he came out to me and at that point he decided it was best to tell people the truth. He was petrified of losing his friends and telling his gf. However, he was strong and came out to them, his friends were totally cool with it (certainly where we are everybody seems pretty cool with homosexuality) and has never been happier. I would probably start off by telling one friend you are particularly close to, or a sibling. Then you can slowly progress from there. I'm sure your mates will understand, if they reject you then you know they weren't true pals. I wish you the very best of luck, you will be fine!! :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 February 2011):
 First off, I think you are being unfair to your GF. You are basically "pretending" with her, it's not a "real" relationship for you as it is for her. Not fair. You say you don't know anyone trustworthy enough? Doesn't that tell you something about your relationship with your GF?
You are sort of damned if you do and damned if you don't. You are hurting her in the long run by pretending, but you are also hurting yourself by not accepting how you really feel and being honest about it.
How about your family? You think they will judge you harshly?
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