A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,My best friend and I are really close. We tell each other our fears, secrets, hopes, likes, and dislikes. We even share with each other the unnecessary. We text/talk from the moment we wake up to the time we fall asleep. We can hold seven hour conversations with each other and never get bored. We even talk on the phone while we're taking a shower and using the restroom. You get the point. My best friend has never had a serious girlfriend or his first kiss and he's at that point where that's all he thinks about and desires. And now, he's talking to this girl he's interested in. Let's rewind. Before he became my best friend, I used to be secretly utterly in love with him, but I realized that we were not going anywhere as far as boyfriend and girlfriend because I'm not the most attractive girl. I'm chunky. I've never had a boyfriend myself, and my low self esteem eased the pain in trying to get over him, and we became the best friends we are now. After my feelings for him had blown over, I told him that I used to like him. His answer was that he knew...He's really a good friend. He is constantly helping me with my self esteem and helping me lose weight. He told me that I had the perfect personality he wanted in his girlfriend.He told me I was beautiful. He also said that the only thing that stopped him from seeing me as more than a friend was my weight. I'm 5'4" and weigh 163 lbs. We laughed about it and moved on. I guess I had never experienced my feelings for him again until he told me about the girl he's talking to. At first I was angry (never showing him). Then I wanted to cry. I don't know if it was because I was jealous or because I never got that reaction from him. So he continues talking to this girl and he turns to me for advice. I encourage him and help him out because he is my best friend and even though it hurts, I want him to be happy. If this girl makes him happy, than so be it. So one day, he calls me and tells me that I need to drive over to his house because its an emergency. I drive over as fast as I can and when I get there, he has this big smile on his face with open arms. He then hugs me by the waist, picks me up, and starts spinning me around and around. He's happy. Then he tells me the "good news". He asks this girl out and she says yes... I'm happy for him. Really. I realize that I don't like him and that its just jealousy. Jealousy. He's my best friend and I love him. Not in love. But i love him. Now I'm scared that I'm gonna lose him. I know he's wanted this for so long and I know that he will get so caught up in his relationship, that he will forget about me. I saw a preview of it while he was in the "talking" stage with her. I don't know what to do. Do I meet the girl? Do I support him as much? Do I keep a close distance? Or do I slowly erase myself from his life?
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best friend, has a girlfriend, jealous, lose weight, never had a boyfriend, self esteem, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Aunty Abzy  +, writes (15 June 2011):
 this is exactly what happened to me only i was and still am in love with my best friend only thing is we dont talk any more we havent for a year because he had a baby and moved on and pushed me out his life !He knew i liked him and he always told me i was beautiful and he loved me but im fat so he couldn't go out with me. Everyone at school always said we would get married and be together forever but its not tured out this way. Because i never let him go before things got too far i still imagin him coming back too me and spending the rest of our lives together, but listen i know how hard it is but if he's your best friend you wont be able to 'erase' yourself from his life you wouldnt be a BEST friend if you didnt help him out and give him advice. It would break your heart too let him go, you just need to understand that he has someone else now so just sit back and work on finding yourself someone who will love you for who you are (dont lose weight for any man/boy - only lose weight for yourself) If your friend cant go out with you because your weight then you dont need him as a boyfriend but you'll always need him as a friend I really hope things work out better for you than they did for me. Good luck and hold your head high ! xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): Awww, you are such a lovely person! I read your message, and I my immediate impression was 'Wow, what an amazing, self-deprecating, sweetheart she is!' Also, you seem super mature and really in tune with your feelings: to admit that you felt jealous is a big step, and many people wouldn't have the courage or self-awareness to get there.
So to answer your question, I think you need a two-pronged strategy here. First of all, it's good that you accept that your relationship with this guy will now change. He might not have as much time for you in the future - but that doesn't mean that you have to lose him altogether. Rather than seeing this as a loss, try to see it as an opportunity to broaden your circle of friends and move forward. Try to accept his new girlfriend as far as you can, and make her your own friend too (this is much tougher than it sounds, but you might just find that she's well worth knowing if you persist!). Take the chance to broaden your circle of friends, talk to more people... live your own life! Realizing that you don't like him is a step on the way to meeting someone that you DO like! However, sometimes really close friendships, especially with members of the opposite sex, can 'block' us from being open to Mr Right when he does come along. Make sure that doesn't happen to you!
Second of all, I think you definitely need to work on your self-esteem. There's absolutely nothing unsexy or wrong with 'chunky' - at 163lbs, you're curvy, not fat!! The fact that this friend can't see beyond your weight is not your issue or your problem - it's him being a superficial idiot! Trust me, there are plenty of guys out there who would love to be with someone as sweet, kind, and fun as you. This guy missed his chance - and I suspect he may realize that with regret in a couple of years - but that's his loss.
Second of all
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): I agree with the previous reader.Although it might appear like a good relationship he is in fact mildly taking advantage of your good nature.Stick up for yourself internally and move on, start spending less time with him immediately - find some good things to do with your time and find a couple of good new friends who you have things in common with.It sounds like you fell in love with the 'fantasy' him and carried the feelings over into something else to boost your confidence - when you don't need him. To be frank he actually does not sound very nice. I would never tell a friend to lose weight - everyone is beautifuly to me and the only time weight is an issue is if it affects your health. This is coming from a slim person btw, so rest assured that just because you think another person is more attractive or skinnier does not mean by any means anything at all and certainly not that they have 'more' than you!I sincerly hope you will use this advice to swing your life in a new direction and lose this guy out of your life for good in the long term, he's prettty shallow!
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A
male
reader, goalstopper +, writes (9 June 2011):
It sounds like he isn't that great of a friend. He pities you. He doesn't want to be the overly mean guy and reject you because he doesn't feel the same way about you as you do to him. He says that he is helping you with your weight issues and you low self esteem. But honestly, if he really liked you it shouldn't matter what your weight issues are. There is nothing you could do now. but he rejected you and thats a bad friend. He is causing you to have low self esteem. Don't let him win. Find someone else who finds you beautiful on the inside and the outside. If I were you I would distance myself away from him and be happy that he found someone else and not sabotage his relationship with this new girl.
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