A
male
age
30-35,
*atinoontheprowl
writes:Well I'm an 18 year old total bottom, I'm gay and well recently I've discovered than when I'm having sex with guys (with different guys, one at a time) I don't get a boner, I don't even cum, if the guy (the top) cums I'm okay with that, it feels as if I cummed too, is that normal?? I don't tell the guys I sleep with because I'm afraid they're gonna think I'm weird, I have even pretended to cum when I didn't, because well now I'm not looking for a boyfriend but when when I was I was dating a guy and we had sex for the first time he was rock hard and I wasn't, he cummed and I didn't we just played (made out, oral), after this, he stopped calling me, is it a turn off for you top guys if the bottom you're having sex with doesn't get a boner nor he cums?I've just recently discovered too that I like being dominated and submissive in bed, maybe that's why I wasn't turned one with the guy I was dating, he refused to insult me (I know it sounds crazy but I want to be insulted in bed) Ok just wanted to know what you guys think, Thanks Reply to this Question
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male
reader, latinoontheprowl +, writes (3 November 2009):
latinoontheprowl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionheartfullalove, you're right, I just realized that I don't wanna be a slut, I mean, I wanted to try new things and I've done that but I realize that I'm just not gonna find happiness that way, the thing is that I've been wanting to date a guy but every guy in this city just wants to fuck and I'm no saint cuz my sex drive is thru the roof so I just went after the quick gratification but I'm gonna change, right now a guy, well a man, he's 42 years old wants to date me, maybe I should go out with him but I won't have sex with him right away. Thanks for your advice and I really appreciate it and I know u're not condemning me Thanx XoXo P.S. In the future I wanna travel to Ireland lol completey off topic LOL :) Thanx, buddy
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): I just re-read your post and suspect part of your problem is that you don't seem to be having sex with ANOTHER PERSON because you really want that person at that particular moment. It sounds like a narcissistic thing where it's entirely about YOURSELF. It sounds as if the actual men don't really count or are seen as accessories that might as well be dildoes.
I sense you're probably not inclined to get swayed by old-fashioned advice to the effect that you should take weeks/months to get to know a man before you consider sleeping with him. Neither am I. But I do think if you take the time to at least get a nice conversational rapport going with a guy before taking it further, then you'll find exploring the guy's body and worshipping at its altar after a nice feverish wait and build-up of anticipation is ultimately more fulfilling than being banged by a procession of strangers with your back turned.
In no way am I trying to judge or condemn you. But what you're doing now doesn't seem to be doing you any favours.
Best of luck
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male
reader, latinoontheprowl +, writes (2 November 2009):
latinoontheprowl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI posted my ad with a face pic on cities with a larger population like Chicago, L.A. forgot to say that*
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reader, latinoontheprowl +, writes (2 November 2009):
latinoontheprowl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey heartfullalove thanks for your opinion, I appreciate it, I enjoy sex it's not like I suffer I enjoy it but a enjoy MORE to think that I'm doing something wrong, lol, and the thing about my parents, I know it sounds like sick, but I don't have sex because I'm thinking what would my parents say?? I think that after having sex, that doesn't turn me on thinking about my parents, what turns me on is the fact that I'm doing something my parents would not approve off, maybe I'm wording it the wrong way but trust me it's not like I'm a sick pervert haha, and I don't have sex with a lot of guys (I tend to discriminate based on how hot they are) so there's not a lot of hot guys around here, haha so I don't hook up a lot, well I think I'm really narcissistic, cuz I'm not out completely so when I post ads on Craigslist for example I don't upload my face pic but what I did was that I posted my face pic on the personals section m4m with a description just to see how much replies would I get haha hundreds it felt so good, but I'm able to function in society being narcissistic so I don't pay much attention to it lol
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): Hey, calm down there and take a cold shower! You sounded a bit over-excited there on a few of your follow-ups.
'I think I'm so hot'...this won't be news to you: you sound more than a little narcisstic. Not being a top, I can't directly answer your original question.
What concerns me (for your sake) is your statement that 'I don't enjoy the sex itself... I enjoy it because I feel like I'm doing something wrong...because I have sex with strangers'.
You shouldn't be having sex if you don't enjoy it. And when you do, it should feel more right than 'wrong'. If you're not even aroused enough to experience erection while you're up to no good, it clearly isn't turning you on in the way it should, and you're doing it for the wrong reasons, whatever they happen to be.
If you are having constant compulsive anonymous sex with total strangers, I wouldn't say that's at all healthy (not judging you of course). I'm not totally averse to first-night sex with a gorgeous stranger, but it should be genuinely enjoyable. You sound driven by some kind of emotional masochism that isn't healthy.
Case in point: the stuff about your parents??!! I am pretty open-minded, but I've got to say that sounded WEIRD and a bit disturbing.
Not trying to attack you, but sweetie...talking about your parents in the way you just did? Having raw submissive sex you DON'T EVEN ENJOY with people you don't know because you're turned on by the thought of what your PARENTS would think??? I honestly suspect you need help above and beyond what anyone can offer on this site.
There's a difference - whether you deem it a fine line, a slippery slope or a gaping chasm - between healthy kinkiness and seriously troubling sexual deviancy, and I'd be worried about which side you've landed on.
As a submissive whose particular sexual tastes aren't exactly a million miles removed from yours as you describe them, I do understand the thrill of some situations feeling illicit, unspeably kinky, or whatever you want to call it...but not 'wrong'. The only time it ever HAS felt wrong was when it was with two guys as opposed to one. I don't think that's a coincidence. I regret doing it. A bit too close to the bone. Wouldn't say never again, but I don't recall the experience with great warmth.
Within gay and BDSM circles, there are people who like to be sexually dominated (submissives) and some who in the right mood MAY get off to a certain extent on being watched by others in an appropriate context (exhibitionists). If the stars align perfectly, these preferences can sometimes combine to delicious effect (example: a three-way of masculine bi male, horny female and submissive gay/bi male.) This stuff can be fun and nobody's entitled to judge it.
So I don't judge you if you choose to be lined up by an identity parade of men you don't know, I just think it doesn't sound very pleasant. If you were a girl asking about gang-bangs, I'd say the exact same thing.
The mind is a powerful sex organ, and there's plenty of scope to thrill to the psychological as well as physical implications of what one gets up to in the 'optional privacy' of the bedroom. Name-calling during raw sex is an acquired taste, but I've found it's a nice one to acquire - the phrase 'mind-blowing' didn't come about by accident, as lots of submissive gay males can testify. But if you're not PHYSICALLY enjoying it too, there's something seriously wrong.
I recommend professional help. But if you do choose to keep doing what you're doing, please KEEP using protection.
Good luck
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reader, latinoontheprowl +, writes (2 November 2009):
latinoontheprowl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx StevenRoss, then it's somethin normal lol, your boyfriend is very lucky to have u- cuz the fact that it worries u that he might not be enjoying it when u have sex shows that u love him- that's really cute :) Thanx again
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reader, StevenRoss  +, writes (2 November 2009):
hey, i'm a top and my boyfriend is a bottom. because i'm a top (and i've never been a bottom) the thought of being a bottom is unnatural to me and i don't understand why my boyfriend enjoys it and why it turns him on. ALSO, like you he isn't hard when we have sex and doesnt come during it. At first i thought this was my fault and thought i was doing something wrong, especially because i dont understand why my boyfriend enjoys this i couldnt get my head round what was goin on, to be honest i thought he was lying about being a bottom or enjoyin sex with me. he was hard before and after and will get hard during sex if i touch/play with him just not during it. we spoke about this and he assures me he enjoys sex, i believe him, he wants it more than me honestly. it's just what happens, can't explain it, it's not a problem we both enjoy sex and because he doesn't come during it he gets to afterwards.
i think i've babbled on a bit there, basically i'm trying to say it's not unusual and it's not a problem unless your unhappy with it.
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reader, latinoontheprowl +, writes (1 November 2009):
latinoontheprowl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah I cum and I get hard when I masturbate lol, it's just while I'm being u know f*cked lol
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): Maybe it's something to do with your position as a bottom? You're taking a submissive role. I hate to say a feminine role, but a role where you are receiving. So maybe that's why you don't get hard.
Do you get hard and ejaculate when you're masturbating? Do you have morning errections? If not it might be something you'd want to ask a doctor about (do they have free sexual health clinics in America?)
If you don't want to do that, and it's not otherwise a problem then just show the guys you're with that you love it. Talk to them about it if you like but otherwise just show your appreciation by showing them how much you love it.
I have no idea what gay guys think about it, if it turns them off or what. But I would think it's probably quite common and as long as you're into it then what's the problem?
I also don't think there's anything wrong with being submissive and wanting to be dominated and talked bad to in bed. I err, admit to having that side to myself as well. As long as you're not letting people treat you badly or walk all over you in life.
So see a doctor if it continues to be an issue for you, but otherwise enjoy yourself and of course always practice safer sex.
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reader, latinoontheprowl +, writes (1 November 2009):
latinoontheprowl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I enjoy it but I don't enjoy the sex itself (well I do but it's a small percentage of the total pleasure I feel), I might sound kinky and narcissistic but I enjoy it because I feel like I'm doing something wrong (like people say that sex should be with someone you love) because I have sex with strangers (I met them online and we just have sex,safe sex, of course) and I'm doing somethin I'm not supposed to, that turns me on and I'm afraid of sounding narcissistic but I consider myself hot, pretty hot actually and when someone's hard rock because of me I feel even hotter (klike a self-esteem boost, I don't have low self-esteem some people might en say I'm obsessed with myself)and I enjoy that like I think I'm so hot and other people think I am too, I also fantasize or maybe that's not the most appropriate word, but I think what would my parents say (they love me and everything) if they saw me having sex with a MAN! I just met!! on a parking lot!!! inside his camper!!! and having him cum on my face !!!! (I've done it) like I get turned on by the thought of what would they say, my parents, if they knew, that their son is a dirty little wh*re. I also like to be called, I already say it, derogatory terms and having the other guys to ask me Do you like this little *****?(lol) and then I answer yeah I love **** (I think that's normal because of what I've read haha)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): Maybe it's the situation, that you want someone steady, but end up with different partners and thats why you dont get hard? You didnt write if you enjoyed the sex when you weren't hard or if it was just ok. If you enjoyed it a lot, then I dont think you should worry, just explain it to your next partner.
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male
reader, latinoontheprowl +, writes (1 November 2009):
latinoontheprowl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh! I enjoy anal I love it but I just don't cum but I enjoy when a top's on top of me, it really turns me on, I just don0t cum and I'm concerned that the top would think I'm not enjoying it
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reader, latinoontheprowl +, writes (1 November 2009):
latinoontheprowl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's the same as if I asked you why are you straight? I didn't choose to be gay, but I don't feel bad because of it :)
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female
reader, ShadowGoddess231 +, writes (1 November 2009):
 Try a girl, girls are more mean and more like a cat, so see if you will cum with that.
Why are you gay???
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