A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am so hurt. My ex boyfriend is with another girl even though he knows i'm 5 months pregnant from him. He tells me he loves this girl. He phones me all the time and tells me he will be there for the baby, but he doesn't want to be with me.I feel used because occasionally he will come around and sleep with me. I love him so much, so i find it hard to say no.We were together for a year living in the same house and i never thought he would treat me like this.I need some serious advice what to do, 'cause i'm confused
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): I undersatnd your pain and confusion because I am currently in your position... rather, I'm trying to get out of it. I'm six months pregnant and last week spent three days and two nights crying my eyes out over this person who once meant so much to me (and I to him, or so he said) and who wanted to "focus on establishing his life with our child" last month, but has changed his mind. Found someone else he loves, somone else he wants to marry. So I really am feeling you pain and can only offer you the small bit of advice that it helping me recover from this huge dissappointment from such a jerk... He's a jerk. You have so much more important stuff to focus on, and a precious someone who is going to depend on you soon, so get to work.
I know this is hard, it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. Being heart-broken and preganat is one of the cruelest situations I can imaging; you're already a little "crazy" from the hormones and feeling vulnerable, that son of a is a true creep for putting you in this situation at this time. He's selfish and wrong, even if you once thought he was a "nice"guy. So you have to say no, for yourself and for your little one (a person above mentioned that the extra stress is harmful to your pregnancy, and they are absolutely right. If you can't stop feeling overwhelmed or sad, focus on that).
Spend time with a good friend, either current or old, or family member, someone you know that truelly loves you. When you can't see your own value, these people are life-savers at reminding you who you are. My big mess up was that my ex was my best friend, which complicated matters. I asked him, as a good friend, what advice he would give me if I was in this situation with someone else, and his response was "F him." He then tried to plead that since the situation dealt with him and not someelse, there were special circumstances, but that is when I cut him off. He was wrong and he knew it, just as your ex is wrong. But since they are selfish punks, it's up to you to regain control over your life, your future. I told my ex it would be great if he were involved in our childs life, but for now and perhaps until she's born, I couldn't have him in mine. It's a little difficult, losing that person for a period, but so much better than experiencing the sad-anxious "when will he be over to see me again" followed by the agony of when he leaves and the thoughts of him with someone else.
You know what, that someone esle can have him. I have stuff to do, a future to plan, and a child I can't wait to meet. And perhaps a beautiful man later on (why is Bradd Pitt taken?).
And so do YOU!
Good luck and go hug someone.
A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (13 May 2008):
why are you letting him do it to you?? thats the real question
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2008): he's using you!! tell him NO say yes he can be there for his baby but YOU ARE NOT HIS LOCAL SLAPPER. you deserve so much more than him apart from being there for the baby move on and find someone better.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (10 May 2008):
 So, you're saying you don't know why he is making this decision? I know you hope his decision would be to remain with you. With it not being that way, his decision still needs to be respected.
What I would do is not let him come over and sleep with you anymore. My ex-wife cheated on me. We divorced. She was with this other guy and wanted me to sleep with her. I told her, I was not going to help her do to someone else what she did to me. Made her mad, but cheating or helping someone cheat is against my beliefs.
If he keeps repeating himself when he calls. Tell him to call when he has something new to say. I feel rubbing these facts into the ground is manipulative behavior. With him coming around and sleeping with you. He is using you. He knows you won't say no, so he can have a bit of variety. It's up to you to stop him, and tell him that while he's with the other, access to you is closed.
You may love him, but you need to care enough for yourself not to be played.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2008): Wow. What a jackass this guy is! Was it the whole pregnant thing that made him leave? I understand your problem, I too was kind of in the same boat 5 years ago. I ended up raising my son entirly without his fathers help. It hurt me so bad that he couldnt be there for me and my son, too wrapped up in his own selfish needs. Does this girl he's with know you are carrying his child? Does she know anything about you? Do you ask him why he is coming to you for sex when he claims to love this girl-which, seems to me he has no clue what love means. The thing about pregnancy, too, is that the hormones going through you will mess with your mind. You will feel lonely, you will break down, and the fact is, his doing this to you will really make it bad, for you and baby. The most important thing now is the child, and you feeling stressed out and worried about this guy is bad for your pregnancy. Once I gave birth to my son, and looked him in the eyes, I knew that I didnt need his dad. I would be a stronger mommy without him bringing me down. There are plenty far better lovers, husbands and daddy's than him. I know, cause I found one, and am now married with him and have a sweet baby girl. As for my sons biological father, lets just say karma is really kicking his ass right now! Congrads on your pregnany. Enjoy it, take care of yourself:)
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A
female
reader, :):):) +, writes (10 May 2008):
You deserve so much better than this. He is irresponsible and selfish. It may be difficult, but you must stop allowing him to come back to you when he wants.Giving in and sleeping with him is giving him permission walk all over you.You're primary concern now is for the baby, him messing you about isnt helping you.Tell him this has to stop right now.Please, think about yourself first.Good luckxxx
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