A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 30 years old but still a virgin. Is this normal?Ive never had a girlfriend.I'm not ugly just very shy.Its more out of circumstance than not been "lucky" ie i work weekdays and look after my gran on the weekend.Will i ever get laid and find someone ?
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never had a girlfriend, shy, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (12 June 2007):
 I cant comment on it being 'normal' as I dont think there is such a thing. For what ever reason you have not indulged in sex before now but if you seriously want to then you need to maybe make some time to go out and play.
Just be careful of people who want to take advantage, it happens however old you are.
Good luck!
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): of course it's normal, each individual goes at their own pace on finding that perfect person. well, in your case it's okay you are shy at times or all of the time but you are getting older and you just need to bust out of your shell and be active in approaching ladies. now, if you do not you will never find true love and you will be a virgin forever. ........... you do not want that to happen base on what you wrote already!! anyways every lady out there in this world would enjoy a sense of humor when dating and after dating. so think about this, and your personality, well, you cannot be boring!!
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A
male
reader, wildturkey  +, writes (12 June 2007):
 There is no such thing as normal everyones different. you sound like a genuine person and i know there are females out there that would love you. Maybe you need to be proactive in you search and fake your confidence, dont stress about needing to be in love ect.
finding true love might be the result of finding what isnt so date anyone and everyone till you find the one for u. gl mate happy hunting. :-P
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (12 June 2007):
 Hia babe wel u do have the right attitude towards getin laid lol as u put it.. i dont think there is anything un normal about you! n i think everyone will agree wiv me.. everyone is different.. you just havent managed to find the right person yet.. to maybe find a girl, and get courage, maybe go out with a few friend to clubs and bars and ur sure to find someone.. well working cant be helped you need to get money!! but maybe if ur not too tired, go out after work.. for a drink or on a friday after work go out with friends like i suggested.. there is nothing you can do to get out of the weekend because that is something you need to do.. hope i helped mail me if u wana talk x x x
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A
female
reader, trizzac  +, writes (12 June 2007):
 hiya hun,
yes!its very normal and also theres some1 specal out there for everyone so don't worry u'll find de right person some day and you never no she might be right under your nose tee hee......
the best of luk to ya hun nd neva give up xxx
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A
male
reader, coprolite  +, writes (12 June 2007):
 A 30 year old virgin is probably on the rare side these days, particularly if you don't have any obvious problems, social or physical. But what matters more is how you feel about yourself. If you recognize that between work, gran, and being shy you haven't found a lot of time to make things happen, then that sounds okay to me.
And honestly, although being inexperienced will make your future relationships more unpredictable (and possibly painful for you), being comfortable being alone has its benefits as well. Think of all the people who are co-dependent. They feel awful if they aren't in a relationship all the time. You have probably developed your sense of self quite a bit.
The bottom line here is that if you continue to do everything as you have done, smart money says you will probably be alone for a lot of your life. That's not to say that things can't just spontaneously happen, but if you are very shy, some opportunities will end up passing you by because you did not act on them. I suspect this happened to you in the past as well. If you want to get laid, maybe it's time to start honing your social skills. If you are very shy, you are going to have a hard time of it at first. But it will definitely pay off in the long run.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): Some people go their whole lives without sex. Having sex isn't the greatest thing in the world, and I think you should look for a relationship before just jumping right into wanting sex.
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A
female
reader, jtaunton5410 +, writes (12 June 2007):
 Of course you will find someone. There is someone out there for all of us who choose to have them. You being a virgin is totally normal, that tells women that you are a kind, sweet, sensitive man who cares about women for who they are and dont just want them for one thing. I commend you. Besides Me and my friends have always thought that a cute guy who is still a virgin is a mjor turn on. I mean you havent slept around so you are very clean and you are a gentleman. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Good luck and hope you find that someone special.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Sarah +, writes (12 June 2007):
 Yes of course! I know you are looking after your gran at weekends, but you could use some of your time to look up on the internet, ways to develop your confidence skills. Perhaps start chatting to females on chat room sites to get the hang of conversation. Alternatively, when you have some leave, you could think about appraoching a escort agency. This may be a good way to build your confidence and if you choose to do so, broaden your sexual experience.
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A
male
reader, Cag Lee "Apollo" Adarma +, writes (12 June 2007):
 hey,
well thats a comendable thing your doing, looking after an elederly relative. Caregivers have it tough as well you probably know. So the dilemma is that your a virgin or that your single?
you ask the question "will i get laid AND find someone" as though these two things are mutually exclusive. If you want to get "laid" there are prostitutes but you;d have to pay and its well...kind of disgusting thing to do to yourself or another person. you could 'lay' a woman of loose or temporarily skewed morals and/or judgement, but that wouldn;t be healthy for either of you.
I suggest that you begin by revaluating what you actually want. In my opinion start socialising- the work and family committments probably cut into your social life as well. Try and meet new people and break down the barriers of your self-esteem that people usually equate as "shyness" its not going to be easy.
I know its a sour thought, but your gran won;t be around forever- she is your dependent not the other way round- make a life for yourself now, because when you no longer have her as an "excuse" you might find it alot harder to get.
Happy living!
The Capt
(rate me!)
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A
female
reader, Manya +, writes (12 June 2007):
Sometimes it happens, but you aren't THAT old! You have to restructure your
free time in order to "get out there" and be socially active. Maybe you just are
waiting for the right person, but you may have to kiss some frogs before you
find your princess! You should just try going on some dates, you don't have
to sleep with anyone. Just being together is the thing. Perhaps try a couples
group or singles group. Sex isn't everything, but if you are lonely you should
try to meet women. Ask one for coffee. Give things a chance to develop.
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A
male
reader, NuVu +, writes (12 June 2007):
Who cares about being normal... just be yourself.
I think your shyness is the barrier. I'm sure you have real obligations to work and your gran, but you can always find a few hours to get yourself in social situations every week if you want to, but i think your shyness is holding you back.
A google search can help with shyness and helping you be a little more polished when you do meet girls. For now though just make sure you put yourself into some social situations a couple times a week.
btw: lots of girls like the shy quiet type, but they still have to meet you, so get out there.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): Unfortunately, you will never will never get laid and find someone unless you go out and look. You can't catch fish if you don't go fishing, right?
You need to make time for yourself to go out and meet people. I, myself, was very shy a year or two ago. I found that it was mostly a self-confidence issue. You need to start thinking positively, even though it seems incredibly difficult at first. You need to want to make a change for change to be possible. Once you WANT to make a change you need to work towards that change. Without those two things there's nothing anyone can do to help you.
My advice is tell people how great you are in a fun and joking manner. Kind of like Gaston in beauty and the beast ;) People find it funny and endearing and pretty soon you'll even start believing it yourself.
Good luck, I know you can do it.
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