A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why would a woman feel the need to gush about what an amazing man I am rather than just tell me straight that she doesn't want me? Telling me that she would be happier with me but she can't leave her current relationship is what is really stopping me from moving on. I would like to think that she did agonise over her decision like she says but it just rings hollow. It's as if she used every cliche in the book yet still wants me to be "a big part of her life." I can't realistically be friends with her as I feel she used me while deciding what to do, but the thought of not having her in my life is scary. I feel like an idiot and seriously doubt whether she took into account my feelings at all. I think she's been honest but I didn't need sympathy or praise. That just makes me wonder even more what the real story is. A simple 'No thanks' would've been easier for me to accept rather than an ego boost. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCheers fellas for the advice. The Capt, you are one guy I'd definately down a few beers with! One thing I didn't say is that we work together. How awkward do you think this is going to be? I want a career change and this seems like the perfect excuse to get the guts and leave. Can she be serious in thinking we can only be friends? That's what is stopping me from forgetting about her and thinking that she still wants me. Believe me, she's left this guy and gone back to him more times than the sea to the shore. I know something might happen in the future and maybe she does too? Surely, she can't be that naive to think we can be the "closest of friends" as she puts it without something happening?
A
male
reader, coprolite  +, writes (12 June 2007):
 Sounds like she wants it all. She wants to have her relationship, and then string another potential relationship along in the background just in case. If she really thinks you are an amazing person who she'd be happier with, then maybe she should act on it. Otherwise she's manipulating you, or an idiot. If you're smart, you won't be waiting around for her forever. I mean, imagine you and her current boyfriend's positions were reversed. Does that sound like a cool relationship you'd want to have? Cuz it sounds like that's the kind of future you're seeking out.
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A
male
reader, Cag Lee "Apollo" Adarma +, writes (12 June 2007):
 Hey,
i have been in this same situation,bro, and i understand , its a noggin' scratcher. However, after really stepping back from it and seeing it happen to other people i realised a pattern.
The "ego boost" as you called it is used NOT to "let you down gently" but to keep you interested even when your not even in the picture. Women like to feel wanted even by men they don;t want (not saying that she doesn;t want you in some way, platonically or romantically) and so will even implicitly say things to allow you to entertain the idea of attraction while not saying definitively thats she's interested.
It hurts because it leaves questions unanswered and you feeling too much like a fool or too needy to ask for them to be calrified. right?
so here's my advice- keep your distance.
Start relying more on other friends, try and keep contact with her to a minimum- try and meet other women and just enjoy their company.
I KNOW...She's seems "perfect" feels you couldn't live without her but thats because;
1) she what you've built up for yourself and has the focus of your attention for so long and
2) ( and most importantly) you can;t have her
there's no greater aphrodisiac than a love unrequited
the best thing to do is too move and answer those unanswered questions with "ce la vie"
Happy Living!
The Capt
(rate me!)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): A no thanks would've been nicer for you maybe but more difficult for her. A lot of times people will lie in order to avoid (or think they're avoiding) hurting someone. Like telling someone you're allergic to fish so you don't have to eat their mom's cooking. Or saying you love a Christmas present, though you may not ever use it.
She could either be trying to make you feel better about it or doing what most people do. Lying in order to avoid a situation that makes them feel uncomfortable.
Don't worry, you're probably better off without her ;)
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