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I'm 20, and my Muslim parents are too overprotective. What should I do?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family, Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 February 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 11 February 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, *kullsAndRoses writes:

Ok, to make a long story short, I come from a Muslim family and my parents are way too overprotective. I’m 20 years old and I’m not allowed to go out with my friends or anything, I can’t even go to the corner shop on my own. Everyday I go to college and then come straight back home. I love my parents and wouldn't want to do anything behind their backs, but I’m sick and tired of being trapped at home all the time. I don't even know my way round my own town. I would literally get lost. In fact, I have on occasions. It's really embarrassing for me when I have to decline invites to go out.

I've tried talking to my parents, but nothing I say gets through to them. I've been depressed for the past 4 years and I’m thinking being trapped at home all the time is one of the reasons I have been. I really don't have many friends. I have considered moving out, but I worry that I won't be able to survive (I am currently studying and not working).

So does anyone have any advice for me? As I've said before, talking to my parents is out of the question since they never listen to a word I say. Do I run away or stay? If I do run away, how do I do it (I know it’s a silly question, but I really don't know where to begin). Thanks in advance.

P.S. Muslims don't move out from their parents house unless they get married, especially women, it’s from the parents house straight to their husband’s house. I wouldn't be able to move out this way without them disowning me.

View related questions: depressed, muslim, trapped

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A female reader, coolbeans United States +, writes (11 February 2011):

coolbeans agony auntI agree with FloridaGirl. Join some clubs! Your parents will not likely decline your advancing your educational opportunities and you will make some friends.

Also, seek out part time employment. It will give you a sense of the monetary part of the world so if you ever did decide to move out you would have an idea of how much work/money you would need to survive.

Don't move out on bad terms! Even if you feel they are extreme, they are your parents and are trying to keep you safe and do what they think is best for you.

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A female reader, FloridaCatGirl United States +, writes (11 February 2011):

FloridaCatGirl agony auntWhatever you do, do not run away! That will only create more problems. So get that idea out of your head.

First, you said you are feeling depressed. Have you gone to see a doctor at school? Most schools provide mental health services to their students. Take advantage of that immediately! They have experts who will help you work through your problems.

The next thing you should do is join some clubs at school. This is a wonderful way to meet new friends! They may even have a club for Muslim students. Join several clubs and figure out which ones you enjoy the most. You may not meet anyone the first time you go, but if you keep going, I guarantee you will make new friends!

Finally, you are still very young. Concentrate on getting good grades, so you can get a wonderful job after you graduate.

Keep your chin up and stay positive! Please keep us updated. Good luck!

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