A
female
age
36-40,
*ashmellow
writes:I’m a single mum of 2. I met this partner online and he sounded like a good guy on the phone. 2 months into emails and phone calls we decided to meet. By the way, it’s a long distance relationship. He separated from his wife 2 years ago and they have 1 kid.So I travelled by coach 4hrs to go and see him, he was everything a woman would want from a man. I fell for him right away and he did the same with me. A month after that he came to visit that's when we started to get intimate. He and my kids got on well, and everything was too good to be true.Six months into the relationship I discovered something. This day we were relaxed and I saw that his trouser pocket was bulging, which got my attention. I asked what was in there and he took out his wallet and started playing with him, asking him to show me what was in his wallet. Then suddenly a pill dropped which he quickly picked up and threw away in the kitchen bin. He said it was given to him when he suffered with a sickness called Colitis. The way he acted when the pill dropped made me curious he could be hiding something. I went to the bin to find the pill, it had gone in deep as he had tried to hide it. There was no name on it, just big 123 imprints on the other side. It was pink-like in colour and oval in shape. After a long search on the internet I managed to get the name (atripla, it is).My biggest shock was to know it’s used for HIV patients. I tried to link the pill with the colitis sickness he used it for, but I found none. He agreed to take an HIV test with me the following day, and the results came in a week later. He was found to be HIV positive and I was negative. I am going to take another test after 3 months and again after 6. Do you think he knew about it? He is the type of person who doesn’t show emotions, so he seemed shocked when he heard the news, and a few hours after that he was back to normal.I told him I'll be there to support him, but I can’t continue the relationship. All he said he wanted was to continue hanging out with me as a friend. I agreed since am not planning another relationship soon. We still do a lot of things together but not sex. We share the same bed when he is here and now it’s 1 and half months since we stopped the sex. This week my craving for sex took over me and we ended up doing it. We used a condom though. What can I do if I want to be safe? Can I stop him from coming? He is a good guy and I also like his company. Men like him are hard to come by. My problem is did he know he had this disease? He denies it, but it’s hard to believe. How can I move on? Please help! Sorry my English is not too good. Thanks.
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condom, hiv , long distance, move on, the internet, the pill Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): OMG. You're obviously blinded by the attraction you have for this guy. Good buys might be hard to come by, but dating one's with HIV is not the answer. There are NICE guys out there that DON'T have HIV. It's just a matter of placing yourself in situations that allow you to meet someone decent. This guy definately knew he had HIV and and has lied to you. This particular medication is NOT used for Colitis and is ONLY prescribed for HIS condition, which a week or so later was confirmed by the test that he INDEED, had it. Hello???? You need to discontinue contact altogether with this poor excuse for a human and definately don't allow your children to be around him. There are other ways to contract the virus other than sexually so be responsible and don't put your children at risk.For you to be allow yourself to continue on in a relationship of ANY kind with this man, I think, shows that you must have some sort of issues with self esteem. If you thought yourself worthy enough, you wouldn't settle for a intimate relationship with a man that lies to you about such important things, like your life for example. Each person who has made comment on your situation is dead set right, he has played roulette with your life. HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU!!!!!HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN!!!YOUR CHILDREN NEED YOU TO BE RESPONSIBLE!!!Wipe your hands clean of this guy. Do some soul searching of your own. Set some goals and work towards them each day. Improve your own life and in turn this will attract someone who is more decent that isn't going to lie to you and potentially pass on some life threatening disease. Your life is WHAT YOU MAKE IT. You're in charge of your own quality of life. You're in charge of your own destiny. No body has to settle for anything they don't want to and if you do........there's only one person that you have to blame and that's YOU!!!Good luck and I hope you truly take on board what everyone has said.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 February 2011):
 Are you kidding ? Of course he knew ! Do you think any doctor would give him HIV medications telling him it's for colitis ??
You don't say it specifically but I get the feeling that he made you have unprotected sex with him for 6 months without telling you he was HIV positive, and if you had not caught the pink pill he was probably never gonna tell you.
This is simply criminal, there's no other word for what he did.
You need to drop him - you owe that to your 2 kids.
Not because he is HIV positive, - but because he is a selfish irresponsible liar !
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2011): I say run run run as fast as you can, get yourself checked out and leave this liar along, he knew he was HIV positive and where did he get it from, another man? He has a smooth tongue telling you all them lies and stop sleeping with this criminal,He knows what he doing and Lord knows how many other women he has given this to, if it was me I would turn him in because he is spreading this diseased around. God bless you and your children.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): Run, you have kids, this guy is a liar about a death sentence that he could have given you.
Get tested.
If you are positive don't do the same thing.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): All I can say is that it's bloody good job that guys like him are hard to come by - but not for the reasons you think. Atripla is an antiretroviral. That means it is a medication that is used to treat infections caused by a retrovirus (a sub-group of viruses that replicate in a distinctive way in the body) - in this case, it's a medication that is explicitly for HIV. It is HIGHLY unlikely that a doctor would have prescribed it for any other condition, and certainly not for colitis which is normally treated with steroids and anti-inflammatories. I'm afraid that your partner has DEFINITELY been lying to you. What's worse, he has put your life at risk. In recklessly sleeping with you while he had HIV, he has committed a criminal act and an appalling abuse of your trust that is absolutely unforgivable. I don't care how nice he SEEMS - fact of the matter is, he doesn't give a flying monkey whether you live or die. It concerns me greatly that you are still having sex with this man. WAKE UP! What on earth does it say about the quality of his care for you that he is prepared to put you through that risk. Condoms are not a 100% guarantee - they are not always effective (even if they don't actually split on you, they're not 100% proof against infection). Nor can you prevent transmission of HIV by 'pulling out' prior to ejaculation, because pre-cum also contains the virus. HIV leads to AIDS, which is a terminal illness. But AIDS doesn't kill you fast and painlessly - it's a sickness that often leads to great debilitation, huge pain, and disability before death. Stop putting your life at risk by throwing yourself in the way of temptation, get rid of this man who has lied to you and put you at risk. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your kids. By having sex with this guy, you are risking not being around to see them grow up - and sentencing them to a lifetime of having to care for you as you grow weaker and weaker.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): He willingly lied to you about his HIV status, so what else has he lied to you about.
This man is definitely NOT a keeper.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): walk away..not because he HIV positive but because.. he lied to you...if he cared about you like he said he did he would have told you, he would not want you to have it, he would take every step to be safe..wow thank god you dont have it. . .
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): Are you crazy ? You are risking your life and your kid's. Do you imagine what would happen if you contract the disease ?
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female
reader, FloridaCatGirl  +, writes (11 February 2011):
 Of course this man knew he was HIV positive! Why else would he have that pill in his pocket? In some places, it's a crime to have sex with someone without revealing they are HIV positive.
If I were you, I would be furious with this man. He played Russian roulette with your life. He lied to you about his HIV status. As wonderful as you may think he is, nobody with a conscience would knowingly put another person’s life in danger, like this man did. Think about it.
If he can lie to you about being HIV positive, what else is he lying about??? How could you ever trust someone like him? If you don’t mind me asking, did you have sex with him prior to your test? If so, did he use a condom?
What do you want from this relationship? And do you plan on staying with him?
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female
reader, TEM +, writes (11 February 2011):
 OH, this is a tough one. He sounds like a nice guy, but he wasn't honest about the fact that he had HIV, so...how honest is he, really? He he was being treated for it he knew he had it. You know the pill (which he tried to hide) proves this.
The good news is, you did not contract it. The bad news is, he was willing to have unprotected sex with you knowing he had a deadly disease. I'm sorry sweetie, but you know that really wasn't right. To put you and your children (should they lose their mom) at such risk is so wrong. I'm not sure there is any getting over that.
Trust is an important part of any relationship. He was probably desperate and didn't want you to be put off by his condition. He could have used condoms from the get-go though. To not do so is more than inconsiderate. He is playing with your life here.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): He knew he had it (was taking meds for it) and kept it from you, allowing you to get intimate with him, and putting yourself at risk. Stop dating him, do not have sex with him. You are putting your health and life at risk. Your kids need a healthy mom. What else is he keeping from you?
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