A
male
age
30-35,
*nonymous_jp
writes:heyi just turned 17 and im going out with a 14 year old girl, have been for about a week, is that weird? 2 years 8 months difference.i really like her though, but shes grounded for a month and i cant have any contact with her even txting.she isnt grounded because im going out with her but her mum is angry that she is and i think maybe grounding her for a month is her mum trying to get rid of me as well as punishing her for what she did. my girlfriends best friend told me her mum thinks "what would a 17 year old guy want with a 14 year old girl" meaning my girlfriends mum thinks my motivation is just sex.how do i tell her mum that not what im all about?how do i pass the time with no contact, its been a few days and im missing her like crazy.thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2009): haha thank you, this is an update. that 14 year old girl liked her ex the whole time, that whole thing was stupid and now im going out with another 14 year old, sounds bad but shes nothing like the other, i thought she was 15 :s i dont know how that happened but yeah its 2 year 4 month difference now and her mum like completely approves which is awesome. Shes very mature for her age and everyone who knows us or sees us hanging out doesnt think us going out is weird at all. i dont care what people think anymore, the relationship is going amazing. thanks for your help.
A
male
reader, IrishDude22  +, writes (3 October 2009):
 Listen I hate to say this but... It really isn't smart to date with that age difference, although your intentions may be pure, people REALLY get the wrong idea... However, I love to say this. But if you really like her, GO to her house, BUT FIRST, make a huge romantic speech that will make her mother cry and make your girl fall in love with you lol. BUT, of course, don't walk up there with a piece of paper in your hands and read it off like Obama. Best of luck bro.
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male
reader, anonymous_jp +, writes (21 July 2009):
anonymous_jp is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok thats cool. the law is in place for a good reason i guess but its not right for everyone. i think there should be special considerations. like for that story you just said, thats definitely wrong. but theres no point to arguing it i know. if i cant wait i guess ill break up with her (last resort) or keep it a secret, id prefer secret but theres a huge consequence as you guys said. it seems like this is just a choice of consequence. thanks again, i was really lost when i first asked.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): Hehe no problem, no I didn't take it personally at all, some of the replies you got I felt were a bit misleading that's all.
I know a guy that was imprisoned for unlawful carnal knowledge, he is only a year older than the girl, they both consented and are even still together now after his release from prison, but the girls father hated him and brought him up on charges. He now has a criminal record and is a registered sex offender.
I guess your situation just kinda reminded me of that.
wish you luck and I hope it all works out for you.
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female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (21 July 2009):
 best of luck to you :)
hope it all works out for ya!
x ilovebowsandcherries x
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A
male
reader, anonymous_jp +, writes (21 July 2009):
anonymous_jp is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust an updatei guess the younger you are the more of a difference it seems. thanks guys and cerebus or something, it looked like you took this question personally but that might just be me. i appreciate all your views on this, i get tormented by my friends though haha. her mum told her i just need to prove im not just in it for a root. still grounded and i cant see her for 9 days... better than forever i guess.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): no you are not a paedophile.and even so it is not like you are 47 you are 17 and the age gap is 3yrs,which is minuscule x
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male
reader, anonymous_jp +, writes (19 July 2009):
anonymous_jp is verified as being by the original poster of the questionergh well thats not fun.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): No, but if you're caught you will recieve the same treatment. The term for a teen lover is ephebophile.
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male
reader, anonymous_jp +, writes (18 July 2009):
anonymous_jp is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok thats good im not a paedophile, i probably shouldve checked dictionary.com before i asked. freaked me out for a second haha.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): Not unless you hang around by her school gates eyeing up any girl from the age of about 8 upwards in a sexual manner. Look up 'paedophile' in a dictionary - she should have one in her school library.
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male
reader, anonymous_jp +, writes (18 July 2009):
anonymous_jp is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwait one last thing, when/if i do "anything" with my girlfriend does that make me a pedophile!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): not all 14yr old girls are easy.i should know i was 14 once and i was nothing like many immature girls today.i wont go into detail.now dear cereberus-the law i would apply to 13+ i believe anyone above that age should enjoy sex provided they keep safe and dont be stupid about it.-age is only a number to anyone of any age,but i wont go into detail.only that in a loving relationship if age is the first thing you look at instead of love,commitment etc why bother getting into a relationship?-and if a 14yr old will go around and spread rubbish then she shouldnt be in a relationship.i know there are mature etc 14yr old girls out there as i was one of them.i hated anyone under 25 since i was around 5(for numerous reasons).if i were a mother i would support my childs decision not hinder it.of course i would check out any man or woman they are with but other than that if i find no faults then i would support and guide them.i do hope iam now understood.
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male
reader, anonymous_jp +, writes (17 July 2009):
anonymous_jp is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni think its way too early to have said some of those things yet, like i haven't even met her mum yet so an impression of me would be made by her imagination and she hasn't exactly made anything clear to me shes just being protective of her daughter and warning her and i respect that, and maybe i will wait til shes 16 but a fair few girls have sex by then anyway. The more i argue this the more it seems like im only after sex but just a reminder im just arguing my view on it. youre definitely right about 14 year old girls are easily persuaded, led and pressured but id never do any of those things because you dont know if its real or just them being naive but she does seem very mature for her age. Ive actually seen this age difference more now lately since i have it myself but i guess i cant compare to others to prove a point. why should i back off if her mums imagined impression of me is distorted by paranoia? i doubt she has an impression of me yet anyway. so youre saying her mum gets to decide the fate of our relationship that is perfectly fine if you dont take the 2 years 8 months into account?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): I don't think it's controlling or bossy to want to protect your daughter from a guy who will soon be an adult, that in her mind, only wants sex from her 14 year old daughter.
Generally speaking, 14 year old girls are very impressionable, easily led and easily pressured, her mother knows that, she was a 14 year old girl herself once, that's also why we have age of consent laws.
Trust me once a parent has made up their mind about a boy dating their daughter, it is incredibly difficult to change that opinion and sneaking around behind her back will only confirm to her what she thinks of you.
You can't change the fact that you are, a soon to be adult guy that wants a sexual relationship (even if that's not all you want) with her 14 year old daughter.
Yes, you are screwed. Nothing you have done will indicate to her mother in any way that you're not just another guy after a root and asking her daughter to find out if her mother thinks that, will be viewed as a sneaky ploy if her mother figures out what you're up to, then she might see you as being a persistent creep that doesn't know how to take no for an answer, which makes you look worse.
Trust me when I say the more you pursue this, the more her mother will freak out and this could potentially make your girlfriends life very tough indeed, if her mother thinks that grounding her doesn't work then she might take even more draconian measures.
If you ask me you're going the opposite way of what you should be in this, how can her mother trust your intentions if you won't back off when she made it cear that's what she wants you to do? How would you react to someone who not only ignores you when you ask them not to do something, but actually tries harder to do it?
Be very careful anonymous_jp, it is never a good idea to back someone into a corner concerning the well-being of their child. You could be playing with fire.
Firestorm please don't take offense, but I don't know where to begin on how wrong you are, a lot of what you have said is vastly cliched in its sweeping generality and seems copied directly out of a fictional romance novel.
1. "the so called law shouldnt tell others what they can or cant do with thier own body" would you apply this view to a 5 year old or a mentally challenged 14 year old? I think not
2. "age is just a number" Nope, it's not, this is the real world and in this guys situation, age is one of the main reasons her mother is completely against it.
3. "who will know?as long as no one knows then have fun." You really think that a 14 year old is not going to at least tell one of her friends? Do you really think her mother won't, in two years of her daughter sneaking around, put two and two together and/or then just suddenly change her mind about the whole thing? Any parent here will tell you they know far more about their kids lives than their kids like to think.
The only thing I can agree with is the waiting 'til she's 16 thing, backing off and waiting 'til she legally can make up her own mind seems like the best idea plus that time could be used to properly gain her mothers trust.
Please! Don't take personally anything I have said firestorm this is not a personal attack on you, I just disagree with some of your views, it's not my intention to offend you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): it seems to me her mother has a very controlling nature and is too bossy for her own good.no you are not screwed either see her secretly or wait until she is 16 if you are that commited.then her mother cant do a thing about it.
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male
reader, anonymous_jp +, writes (16 July 2009):
anonymous_jp is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey thanks um well this is kind of an update, i talked to my girlfriend if her mum has said anything about me just wanting a root because her mum said something to her now ex best friend about me only wanting a root. anyway my girlfriend ended up asking her mum if she thought all i wanted was a root basing it on what her best friend said to me so now it seems like i asked my girlfriend to ask her mum if her mum thought all i wanted was a root. am i screwed?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): age is just a number. and a 3year gap is nothing. and if you both want sex have sex.
i believe 1: the so called law shouldnt tell others what they can or cant do with thier own body and 2:who will know?as long as no one knows then have fun.
but good on you for not just thinking of sex.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): hey its christina again..
so far ur thinking on the right track,im glad u have a plan..and thats gud that ur not sex driven bcuz i think thats wat her mom is most scared about..but of course its in ur mind and its in hers but let this relationship carry on for awhile before any intamacy but im sure that was already ur plan..u seem smart and honest, which will be better for ur girl..and telling her mom about ur past relationships could help..but i think earning her respect would have to be shown to her..by treating her daughter with respect[which im sure u do]..and u kno wat i mean the whole act on ur toes with parents thing..but im sure everything will go great for u..ur smart and u seem really dedicated to ur girl =]
--christina
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male
reader, anonymous_jp +, writes (15 July 2009):
anonymous_jp is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey thank you guys so much for your help, its most likely that she is grounded for the other reason but it would make sense if it was keeping me away too. ive heard more towards calling her mum so ill probably do that but just be careful. i was going to take it slow like we haven't even kissed yet. sure i cant say the sex thing hasn't crossed my mind but its not what drives me like a lot of guys, most girls in my experience, you may disagree but this isn't a guess, lose it at 13-15, and it isnt unlawful til it becomes known. i havent even brought up the sex subject with my girlfriend but shes brought it up with me and i told her no rush. would it be ok if i told her mum ive only had one other girlfriend? would that prove anything?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): this just reminds me of my boyfriend (ex for now) and me.
same age difference. I fought with my mum for him and we really had a strong feeling, he was a gentleman, but after a week he just left me. I still can't get over it. Now I see, that my mom was concerned about the fact that 14 year old girls are more sensible, and expecting more of a relationship, since we are kinda new and unexperienced. (I always knew the possibilities that he would leave me) but when i just started to find out i had this feeling for him (which he had for me too), everything was over. i was broken. And yes, your sexual instinct still is somewhere there, believe me, months later, my gentleman and i...got caught by the moment, you just can't say no when you're attached by an ilussion (or at least i couldn't), don't worry, we didn't go too far, but it changed the situation. Just know the consequences of setting a relationship too fast, and remember, you've lived 2,8 years full of experiences that she hasn't.
Go slow and make sure to let her know you like her, but there's still a looong way.
Yes, the best would be to talk to her mom but wait a little.
hope i helped.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): Just to make it clear to you OP, I'm not trying be an asshole standing in the way of your love or trying to be a killjoy, I just feel you'd be better equipped to make an informed choice on this matter if you know the potential consequences of any action you choose to take.
Again, I wish you the best and good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): Hi Christina, no offence but my post regarding the age of consent isn't a matter of opinion, it's not something to which you can disagree. The fact that he's legally a minor would have no bearing in a statutory rape/unlawful carnal knowledge charge against him.
Age of consent laws in Australia are strict and strictly enforced, he would face a mandatory jail term.
Also there are no "Romeo and Juliet" laws in Australia. If her mother were to press charges against him under the premise of an actual sexual event between the two of them, then he would be prosecuted. The only benefits to being a minor in this case would possibly be a lesser sentence and shorter term on the sex offenders register, but seeing as he has been previously warned away from her and is aware she is below the age of consent this would be unlikely.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): yea i know what you mean.Yes maybe calling her mom and talking for a bit maybe about how her daughter is or how she is and things like that. but after talking for a bit bring up the real reason why you called. im hoping that her mom will see where ur commin from and maybe give you a chance but if u do get the chance dont ruin it.take wat u have into consideration and use that to win over ur girls mom and ur girl
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): hi im christina. i happen to disagree with someone who commented your post. you 17 not 18 there shouldnt be any charges because ur still a minor. but i understnd that her mom is still worried that her daughter is dating an older man.and i think talking to her mom would be way better than leaving it alone.maybe you and her mom can make up an arrangement where u guys hang at her house so her mom wouldnt be so worried, at least until shes old enough to be more responsible.Also getting to know her mom would be better because she could feel more comfortable. its common for a parent to freak if their little girl or boy is dating someone older than them because they've been there and seen that but its worth a shot for you and your girl
good luck =]
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): Some great advice here already, I'd like to add that I think it's bad idea to contact her mother, there is nothing you can say to alleviate her worries and you'll most likely just end up digging a hole for yourself.
Personally I don't think her mother cares what else you want from her daughter, the fact that you are pursuing a sexual relationship with her will be bad enough in her mind, even if that's not the only reason you are with her, it's an undeniably big part of it, I mean otherwise it's just a friendship, right?
Now nobody has mentioned this yet but it's perhaps the most important aspect of your situation.
The legal age of consent in your country is 16 which makes you legal and your girlfriend not. This means that having intercourse with this girl is considered rape and having any sexual contact beyond kissing (not sure about french kissing) is considered unlawful carnal knowledge, both of these carry very heavy penalties including lengthy mandatory jail time and a heavy stigma for the rest of your life as a registered sex offender.
Her Mom seems dead against this relationship which means any sexual contact with her daughter might lead her to bring you up on charges, there seems to me to be a high risk of this happening.
I normally would advise people to follow their heart in matters such as these, but I cannot in this case for ethical reasons. My advice to you would be to do your best to get over this girl or be willing to keep your relationship on a strictly friends basis with absolutely no sexual contact for at least two years or at least until her Mom has given her approval.
Don't push this too far!
Good Luck!!
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female
reader, izzyabella +, writes (14 July 2009):
heya,
it's dificult being a teenage guy because people especially mothers seem to think one think about you.
I personally think you should talk to your girlfriends mum and explain to her that you don't want your girlfriend for that one thing.
You may need to set some boundries for yourself for example, staying out of each others rooms, because until you have gained the mothers trust, you have no chance.
As for passing time not being with her, you need to keep your mind off her, as hard as i know this is it's got to be done. Otherwise you'll go insane.
Try playing computer games, watching films or even just having a lads night in/out, that's bound to keep your mind off her.
just make sure you make the effort with her mother.
Good luck.
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female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (14 July 2009):
not at all why should you call for her permission?
its her daughters choice.
just leave it for now and see what happens.
don't try to meddle into the relationship with her mother a the moment.
just give it time and see what happens from then on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): It's not weird, but I'd be very surprised if you see her as simply a playmate and the thought of having sex with her hasn't crossed your mind at least once in the past week. No doubt her mother is well aware of what goes through a boy's mind!
However, being grounded for a month is quite severe, and I wonder what she did to upset her mother so much. If it was intended that this grounding would have the effect of making her forget about you, her mother could be going about things the wrong way because it will most likely have the opposite effect. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.
You can't do much about it though, except perhaps to hope that her mother softens up a bit. It would probably end up in the rubbish bin, but you could try writing a letter to her mother explaining that your intentions towards her daughter are of the most honourable kind, and that you would protect her rather than harm her. Worth a try if you think that much of her.
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reader, anonymous_jp +, writes (14 July 2009):
anonymous_jp is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for helping but its kinda hard to meet her right now, should i just call and talk to her mum? not getting straight into the point of course but like ask her if its ok or something?
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female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (14 July 2009):
i guess the mother is just being protective of her young daughter i mean it's probably nothing against you but things going on nowa days you can't be too sure.
i mean the mum is just going to have to get to know you and get used to the fact you and her daughter are together.
she should respect the fact you're not intending to do anything you shouldn't do with her.
see it from her mums point of view she's a young vulnerable girl and you're a guy in her eyes horny teen most guys are from ages 13 forever more.
all she is doing is looking out for her daughter and keeping her best interests at heart.
you can't really do anything at the moment to convince her mum as she isn't giving you the time of day but perhaps maybe when her daughter isn't grounded and she realises how happy her daughter is with you she'll get to know you and realise you're not like all those guys out there and that you are genuine within yourself.
hope this helps :)
good luck!
x ilovebowsandcherries x
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