A
female
age
30-35,
*insley1888
writes:Am 17 and i have been going with a 57 year old married man for 6 months. We really love each other to bits, but i feel that he is never going to leave his wife for me! He says all the time that he wishes he doesnt have to leave me when hes going home and that he wants to be with me and not his wife anymore. A dont know what to do, i hate beening second to her and feeling that he must not really love me the way he says he doesnt if he cant leave her for me! Can someone please help me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2007): Hi Ainsley,
Instead of stating what the previous people have commented on, I'm going to start off by saying that if you truly love the guy and he loves you, despite the age difference, a steady, long-lasting relationship can be formed. But only if you're both willing to work on it. Relationships do take alot of work!
Now if you have doubts of his feelings towards you being geniune, either through the age difference or feeling as if you are second-best, first of all ask yourself whether you are really comfortable with being with him. Maybe try and talk to him about how you feel. Let him know your doubts about the relationship. If he loves you he will be willing to listen, if not don't waste another moment with him if he isn't interested in how you feel.
Marriage is one of life's biggest commitments, so being able to tell his wife that he's seeing another woman and explaining that you are 40 years his junior, will probably come as a big shock to his family. If he has children through this marriage he is also entitled to look after his children and it may only make matters worse if you were to stay together if he and his wife were to separate. There may also be other reasons why he is having an affair with you. A term we call the "mid-life crisis", which usually affects males between the ages of 45 onwards. During this stage men find it hard to grasp the fact that they are ageing and are no longer as young and energetic as they used to be. This can often affect their sex life with their life long partners, and often an affair with a younger woman can revive their ego and make them feel attractive again. Be careful that you are not getting yourself trapped in this situation, as it can be very hurtful.
But if in the future, you and he are able to work things out and eventually be a couple, I wish the best of luck to you both.
A
female
reader, x.Helpful.Cupid.x +, writes (19 February 2007):
 Hiya.No offence but this guy is TOTALLY using you!!He says hes gonna leave, but trust me hes not!! I think what you 2 are doing is wrong and totally discusting.I suggest you move on to someone your own age.Good luck xx
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A
female
reader, mum2be +, writes (19 February 2007):
I'm sorry babes, but your being used!You need to tell this creep that you don't want to be with him anymore...You are still young and can find everything you need in a relationship with someone younger.You need to think of what his wife would think if she found out that her husband was seeing another womean!...What could this do to her, and there children if they have them?I don't mean to be rude, but i think this guy has got some serious problems.Hope it goes well for you!xxx
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A
female
reader, luvme247  +, writes (19 February 2007):
 He is using you & he has no plans of leaving his wife. He just tells you that so that you think that he actually cares about you & so that he can keep using you. He is way too old for you & should be in jail for what he is doing to you. I know you don't want to hear that but he is totally in the wrong here & you should end this. That is my opinion. You are young & should be having fun with people your own age.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (18 February 2007):
 I think the other posts have summed this one up for you. What on earth does a 17 year old see in a 57 year and vice versa.
If you both got together when you are his age he will be 97, It dosen't sound so attractive then does it.
I say find someone your own age, or early to late twenty's, and give the pushing sixty's a miss.
Good luck x
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (18 February 2007):
 Wow! That's a pretty big age difference. How in the world did you get hooked up with someone 40 years older than you? And married t' boot? What the hell is HE thinking? What he's doing is criminal in a lot of places.
I'd say to most people, "Wake up and smell the coffee", 'cause he isn't leaving his wife for you. In your case I'll say "Wake up and smell the Kool-aid". You're way too young to be involved with a 57 year-old married man!
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (18 February 2007):
 Please listen carefully to what I have to say to you okay? HE NEVER WILL LEAVE HIS WIFE FOR YOU! You are only his bit on the side and you always will be love. He has absolutely no intentions of leaving her for you or for anyone else, you are nothing more than an ego boost to him. You will ALWAYS be second best with him and he'll only drag you down. Get out of this relationship NOW before it ends up destroying you.
Eve
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