A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So, I'm sixteen and I have a boyfriend who I am completely in love with. We get along great and though we have some issues (mainly being that my parents are irresponsible and leave me to take care of my five younger siblings which my boyfriend thinks is wrong) I would never want to leave him.Here's the thing though... I think I might be, or more than likely I am, pregnant. This wasn't an accident.We had agreed a few months ago to stop having sex until we're older which I was fine with and so was he because we love each other much more than just our physical relationship. Then we started jokingly talking about when we're older having a baby together, how beautiful the baby would be and well... one thing led to another and next thing I know we're trying to get pregnant. We tried maybe three times and I haven't had my period in over a month.He's so excited that we might be having a baby but... I've asked a good friend what she thinks of this and she thinks we're being so irresponsible and frankly I agree. I know this is stupid and I don't know how we'll support this baby. Neither of our families can even support themselves, much less another mouth to feed. I just don't know what to do. I can't tell my boyfriend that I don't want the baby because it will break his heart but I can't handle being a mother.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): The planned Parenthood people can help you obtain good ciunselling prior to your decision. Please make use of it.
Ar the same time it is very normal for opponents of abortion to try to tie you up in doubts and delays for as long as possible. Take care. It IS your decision.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've been trying to get my mom to take me to a Planned Parenthood nearby to discuss my options with a professional, but it's just difficult because of her work schedule and she's obviously still freaking out about the entire situation. I have a bit of a rebellious past so her trust and opinion of me aren't exactly the highest. :/
But from what I've read online and my own gut feeling about this, I'm leaning toward abortion. I just think it may be the best choice for me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): Hi again dear, be careful before making a final choice. It is often very difficult for girls and woman after abortion to deal with the long term emotions and feelings involved.
I know no choice is particularly easy, but it seems to me that you need a little quiet time away from everyone to make 2 lists about the pros and cons of abortion vs adoption, to make sure that your feelings are guiding you in the right direction for you.
Hang in there - there would be plenty of support outside your parents should you choose adoption.
Can you speak to a free community counsellor tomorrow and tell them it is urgent?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh dear God. I just took three pregnancy tests and not one came out negative.I think I've made my decision. I'm going to take my parents' advice and get an abortion because, well, I'm not prepared mentally or physically for pregnancy, much less parenthood.Thanks to all of you for your amazing input and help. It has cleared my head fairly well and I know (or at least sincerely hope) that my boyfriend with understand in the long run. It's just a relief to know really... to not be wondering if I am, but at the same time I feel like I just got hit by a train.But again, I can't say thanks enough. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): If you finish your education, go on the contraceptive pill and get yourself to college you can later go on to build a career, then marry and have your children when you are financially stable and emotionally ready to have a baby.If you have a baby when you are so young your time being able to suit yourself and find time to just hang out with your boyfriend is over. Suddenly you have a baby crying during the night. Expenses you never dreamed of. Less money for clothes and fun.A baby is not a toy. They have 24/7 needs. Masses of laundry. In another five years more expenses but little left over for you. And other kids who always have more than your kids because the other parents are older and bettter off financially. Then your kid will be whining why can't they have this or that? And the truth will because you can't afford it.You are old enough to get pregnant so you are old enough to ask for an abortion. Stop thinking you have to ask permission. It is your body. Your body that will get the stretch marks. It is no one elses business but yours.Abortion done early is safe and reliable.Find a reliable Doctor who is not fixated on being anti abortion.All this so called sin and guilt thrown around about abortion is designed to destabilise the pregnant woman long enough to make you delay long enough so that you end up not being able to have an abortion.
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reader, person12345 +, writes (11 June 2011):
 If you think abortion is the best option you shouldn't not get one to spite your parents or to avoid hurting your boyfriend's feelings. It would be the same blow to his ego to give a baby that's his up for adoption. He should support you whatever your decision is, since it is your body and your choice.
You seem to be basing this entire decision on how it will affect other people, you need to make this decision on how it will affect YOU. You are ultimately the one who makes the choice, it is your body. You should not let your grandma or your parents or your boyfriend pressure you into any decision, as it is your decision and yours alone. You should not base the decision on how it will affect them or how they will react. Many women's clinics offer counseling to help find what is the best choice, as they are less biased than friends and family and are able to help you with the next step, whatever that next step is (finding a family or setting up the procedure).
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reader, maverick494 +, writes (11 June 2011):
My best friend got pregnant at 16 and wanted to keep the baby, but also her parents were pressuring her to get an abortion. She came to me to complain about that her parents were being unfair and that is was her decision, but I told her she hasn't thought it through. The moment you get a baby, your life changes forever.
When that moment is at adult life, when you have your own place, your own career, a steady partner who wants to take on parenthood and has the means to support you, getting a baby is a good thing. At your age, still in school, still living at your parents, no career (and with a baby college is pretty much out of the question) and a boyfriend who is alround your age, what your doing is in my opinion short sighted. You are going to thrust this baby into the world in less than ideal circumstances. You are going to cut your own potential short because you are getting a child on a whim.
Your parents are just looking out for you. They have much more life experience and though at your age the last thing you want to do is listen to them, you should--they have been your age too and they are a product of the decisions they made back then. So talk to them and ask them why they think it's a bad idea, and listen to their side of the story. They raised you so they know about parenting.
My sister, who also thought she was ready for early parenthood, curses her life 3 years later. My parents couldn't talk her out of having a baby. The father of her baby has left even though their relationship seemed steady (to her) at first. She hasn't got any education aside from high school and she works a crappy job. Potential love interests are scared away because of the baby and so she is alone and struggling, a far cry from the life she wanted to lead. My parents slip her money and come by to help around from time to time, but they aren't a constant because she needs to learn to stand on her own legs and that actions have consequences.
I'm against abortion when the circumstances for having a baby are good. But in your case, the circumstances aren't good.
Think it over and think it over well. Don't have a baby because you're afraid to tell your bf your rational mind has caught up with you. Be responsible and mature like you say you are and tell him exactly what's on your mind. Raising a child is no picknick. Whatever you choose, weigh your options well and make an educated decision.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): Although you are young YOU do have the power to influence and make this decision there is no one that will force you to abort a baby. Do what is best. :)xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): Hi honey, it is good to focus on the positive and of being independant. So do a home pregnancy test, after you have taken a deep breath. The good news is that you and your boyfriend made a baby out of a loving moment and that is quite nice for the baby to know when it is older that it was wanted in the world.
Considerig adoption can be good, to give the baby a good start. Alternatively if you feel it is best you could get a benefit and finishing studying in a flat while you support the baby, you might have to realise that your boyfriend is young and in reality has not idea how to be a Dad..yet.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): You have options you can do. 1. Adoption.2. abortion.but first make sure you are pregnant. Because when you try to get pregnant. Your body will actually make you feel as if you are pregnant when you are not. Having a baby is a big thing. but also a happy gift. But you also should have thought about this a little more better with a open mind.And if you are pregnant,They do have programs that will help you out. - Which is a really good program for 1st time mothers. Food stamps - Helps out a lot. Now i dont know where you live but im sure you can find plenty of programs out there that will help you out. :).best wishes and keep us updated..-- Mother of 3 children.
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reader, hopexx +, writes (11 June 2011):
From watching shows such as 16 & pregnant and teen mom, having a baby at 16 is not what you and your boyfriend think its going to be. You need to have a serious talk with your boyfriend and ask him how he plans on supporting this baby. In your situation I would consider an open adoption, so that way you still have contact with your baby. Having a child at such a young age takes a lot of responsibility, and I would hate to see your boyfriend leave because he cant handle it, which in most cases guys do. I wouldnt consider having an abortion, because most people never end up forgiving themselves, depending on how you view it, and even though I dont know you, I wouldnt want anyone to have to go through that guilt. If you go through with the pregnancy, or even choosing adoption, everyone will know youre pregnant and that can be very tough knowing how high school can be. Not to mention the fact that youd miss school due to morning sickness, etc. You should probably go to planned parenthood, which is where everythings completely anonymous and find out for sure if you are and discuss your options with them, which would spare you telling your parents.
I hope everything works out for you, don't make a decision you'll regret. I really hope this helps you, good luck and stay strong :)
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reader, person12345 +, writes (11 June 2011):
All that's left to do is take a pregnancy test and decide what you'd do with either outcome. Just being pregnant doesn't have to mean you've ruined your life. You can terminate the pregnancy, and within the first time period of pregnancy it's possible to do privately and non-invasively. If that's not something you'd consider you can give it up for adoption.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): Well, your hindsight is 20/20. Go with jmc930. And never try to get pregnant unless your married or at least finacially stable. Your still living with your parents. Your 16. Who you love now is way different then who you'll love in a few years. You have five brothers and sisters. Why did you think this was a good idea? Have you seen 16 and pregnant? If your lucky enough not to be pregnant don't do this again. Jeez, I'm fourteen and I know that!
I'm being hard on you because i care. My sister got pregnant in college and i know how hard it can be. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy parents are actually pressuring me to have an abortion if I am pregnant. My boyfriend and I had been writing notes back and forth to each other about it and his grandma found them, brought them over to my parents and yelled at them. His grandma is entirely against abortion though, plus I don't know exactly how to tell my boyfriend that I don't want this baby. I'm not against getting an abortion, I just hate my parents pressuring me to get one. I think adoption would be the best bet though because I know if I get an abortion my boyfriend will see it as a blow to his ego ('You don't want to have a baby? Is it because it's mine?!' Clearly, no, but still).
I took one pregnancy test that came out positive, but I don't trust it because it was from the dollar store (I had no money to buy a better one).
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): You need to take a pregnancy test soon. If you've missed your period already, you should already be able to get a pretty accurate reading. Then, you need to go to a doctor to get a confirmation test (better than peeing on a stick). If you are pregnant, you'll need prenatal care to help make sure your baby is healthy.
You have a few options.
1. Get emancipated from your parents, get a job and some government benefits. With your age and income, you'll be able to qualify for help, like WIC (women, infants and children) and also probably food stamps.
2. Consider adoption. If you get hooked up with an organization NOW, well before the baby is born, you're way more likely to find an adoptive family.
3. Consider abortion. It's technically legal because you're still in your first trimester, but there might be a parental notification or permission law in your state. It's a decision only you alone can make.
Please, though, do take a pregnancy test. Keep us updated!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): I'm 16 and have a baby, me and his father didn't try, but it happened. It's the most hardest yet rewarding thing that you can receive. Being pregnant and having a baby is no joke. Both my family and the fathers family are wealthy and it's still hard. If you are pregnant don't abort, but if it's too much to handle maybe let your boyfriend take the the responsibility since he is happy he wouldn't mind.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 June 2011):
 Well, now it's time for serious reflection.
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