A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so this isn't much of a question but more of a way to vent and hopefully some of you will give me a word of advice or encouragement. I recently broke up with my ex and this time I don't want to go back. What happened is we had a good relationship but one day she decided to up and leave with another guy. We had been together years but she didn't care and went and ran off with this guy. 6 months later she came back and asked for forgiveness and said she was stupid and I'm the one she really wanted. Stupid me accepted because I still loved her but I'm a really curious guy so i asked her ?s about y she did this and stuff about what she did with the other guy.She told me some pretty messed up stuff and I just cant get over it. One of the major things I cant get over is she was intimate with him many times and she said he was really good. Now thats not the only thing. She did so many things with him it was as if she was married to him. But that was over a short span of 6 months and now she's crying for me back but I cant get over all that. We tied to be friends and even re-conciliate but my jealousy and trust issued keep getting in the way. also shes changed and shes not as loving as she used to be I don't know why.Today I told her I just can't deal with her anymore and we need to go our separate ways but I feel terrible. I think it was the right thing to do but something just doesn't feel right.
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female
reader, hopexx +, writes (11 June 2011):
You probably dont feel right because of all the hurt she caused you. Its one thing for you guys to break up and go your separate ways, but it kinda sounds like she went off with this guy, to come back and rub it in your face. Or she could have just figured you needed to know and shes coming to terms with her mistakes. Theres no doubt that what she did was awful, and you must be hurting. But you should realize that there is plenty of girls out there that you havent met yet that mostly likely wont hurt you, and youll be happier than you ever were. Breakup stuff like this sucks, especially what you experienced, but take some time for yourself, hang out with your friends, and then you'll eventually be happy again. If she changed, then you know shes not who she used to be, and its best that you did what you did.I hope everything works out for you, best of luck :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): I think you had to do what you had to do. Which was stand up for yourself. And how you had jealousy and trust issues with her, I think you did a good thing..
Because you need to trust your partner to the fullest and also the jealousy should not be their. You saved a heart break from happening with you or her.
I think the reason why it does not feel right is because you love her alot. And knowing she hurt you. Must be really under your skin.
I wish you the best.
Just be optimistic and put your head up high.. :). best wishes
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): I think you need a little separation from eachother. What she did was wrong, yet it seems like you still care for her. Maybe some time to clear your head will do you good. Afterall, if she genuienly wants you back, she can wait.
You are young and she is young too (probably), so give yourself some time to get back to YOU.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): If a mirror is broken you can still see your image on it. but it will be a broken image. Trust is just like that. Something is broken and is so beyond fixation nowI understand you, and maybe you're a very good guy, and maybe also she's a very good girl, but the trust between the very two of you is broken.To break up and move on will hurt, but the hurt is much less than the hurt in trust that would never go away, especially with the possibility of it happening again. Even if it didn't happen again, however, it has happened already.People are different mate, and I know neither you nor her, but I am speaking about how "I" see things, and I would never be able to accept her back, because I give all my love, all my trust, and my faithfulness, and expect and want the same. If this is what you have given to her in prior to that incident then the most genuine and brotherly advice here is move on now, suffer with some pain and memories, and resist getting back, rather than suffering deep inside from a deep scar for the rest of your life.
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A
male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (11 June 2011):
 You made the right decision by you and the hardest part normaly is the emotional highs n lows that follow such a choice. You were loyal but she decided to risk it all for moments of pleasure and the hope that it would lead to more with this other guy only for reality to hit home that she wasnt going to get more and despite the temporary sexual n emotional satisfaction she got...well the grass wasnt really greener. You will find a more suitable partner,so just take what lessons you can n keep moving on,gd luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): Well, she left because she wasn't getting what she needed in your relationship with her. The old "grass is greener on the other side of the fence" thing.But, that has little to do with you, probably less than you think, a lot less, and probably mostly to do with her and her feelings about herself.She came back because that didn't work out. It wasn't so great and he wasn't so great, and they weren't great together. You weren't perfect, but you were damn reliable and steady, and until you realize what "good old damn reliable and steady" is worth, you think things are better somewhere else. When you find out how bad things are with some other people, you then realize what you lost.Now, she realizes she made a big mistake, she's afraid of being alone, and she probably hasn't told you the half of it, and she still has a lot of issues that she needs to work out, and you can't trust her, and she can't get over what she did, etc, etc.Obviously you loved her.She knows that.The other guy probably never did, and she probably never loved him.? is, did she love you, and does she love you.If she does, she will stop crying, work on herself, give you space, be true friends and not "boyfriend/girlfriend" or "lovers" and let come what may. You can't tell what will happen, but you and she may end up married with 6 kids and 36 grandkids some day and perfectly happy. But, you can't force it.Begging and crying and emotional stuff don't work. Just be friends, and stay out of the sack with each other.You did the right thing.
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