A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 15 and pregnant with my boyfriend of 3 years. Yes I know I'm silly please don't bring that up, all I'm asking is for help. Anyway, I have been to the clinic as it is half term, I am getting an abortion, both me and my boyfriend are 50/50 about keeping it, he is a hard worker and has saved alot of money, I mean alot! I really wan to tell my mum as my first scan before the abortion is during school time and I have no idea how I'm going to get out of class. My mother has recently gotten Shingles, so telling her I'm pregnant would kill her. Could I tell the school nurse?
View related questions:
abortion, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, maddiee-maii +, writes (8 April 2010):
you need your mam
and i might not be right but if i am you shouldnt be around anyone with shingles being preggas
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (7 April 2010):
 Aha! Thanks for that Anon. Will store that new info away in the memory banks.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): moo's mum - half term is a phrased used to describe a holiday break from school in england.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (7 April 2010):
 Yes you can tell the school nurse, although I am not sure if they are bound by doctor/patient confidentiality like doctors are. You could always visit your GP - they cannot tell your mum anything and at least you could have a chat with an adult who will be able to give you some advice on your situation. It will be good to speak to a medical professional because if you are having a first scan then you will be more than 8 weeks into your pregnancy, which means you cannot have the simple tablet based abortion, you will have to go in for a medical procedure at a hospital/clinic. So you need to talk to a doctor so they can explain the procedure and you can decide if it is something you are happy with undertaking or not.
You should forget about the money your boyfriend has saved up - I'm sure he has not saved up over £100,000 so it is not going to be enough to raise a child. If you decide to keep it then you have to be aware that money will be a struggle probably for the rest of your life, if not until the child is around 18 (providing it does not want to go to university). Plus your boyfriend will be having to work all the hours under the sun to keep both of you so you will be raising this child alone, he will have to work to pay for everything so he wont be around to help you with the baby. And at 15, that will be a pretty big task for you to handle alone, as well as trying to look after your ill mother.
I dont know what the right decision is for you - I know what I would do in your situation but I cannot tell you what is best for you. But dont rely on anyone else in your decision to keep this baby - the chances are your boyfriend will leave you and he will only have to pay maintenance so dont rely on his money or job to help you raise this child. I am not being mean by saying he will leave you - it is just I have been an aunt on this site for a couple of years now and I have seen so many times, where a teenage girl gets pregnant, the boyfriend says he will never leave her and will stand by her, then he even gets excited about the baby arriving - but almost each and every story ends with the teenage girl asking why her boyfriend left her when he said all of these things. And the simple answer is that boys are 1. immature (they do not mature fully until around the age of 30) and 2. They have no obligation to the child - hence they can walk away and leave at any time. Whereas you, as the mother, have carried the child for 9 months, you have given birth to it - you have to bond to the child, not the father. So they can just up and leave whenever they like - and if your boyfriend is around your age then my bet is that he will not be around forever I'm afraid. So please dont base your decision on him, and his help with the baby - unless he is willing to marry you, then that would be a bit different.
So you have to do a lot of thinking, and the quicker you make your decision the better. The longer you leave it the more difficult your abortion will be, and if you choose to keep it well you need to start getting prepared - there will be so much to organise you need to get started now. This is your life, and you have to do what is best for you. The decision needs to be one that you can live with for the rest of your life, plus it needs to be something you will not regret. Talk to your doctor first, then talk to your school nurse if needs be. Get all the information you can as soon as possible, and then go from there.
I hope this helps and good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (7 April 2010):
I'm a wee bit confused with how pregnant you are. You say half term and if by that you mean 20 weeks or over I don't think you can get an abortion at this stage. I'm pretty sure you need to be under 12 weeks to get one. I would definately talk to the school nurse about this as she will be able to give you unbiased information about the options avaliable to you. Mothers can often be a lot stonger than you may think in these kinds of situations. I'm sure your Mum will be a great support to you once she gets over the suprise.
Lots of love to you I know this is a really emotional and difficult time for you, but you will get there.
...............................
A
female
reader, advice angel +, writes (7 April 2010):
 i think it would be a good idea to tell the school nurse,what i would normally recomendd is telling your mam but if she has just recently gotten shingles,im not recomending that in this case,but deffinatley tell someone.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (7 April 2010):
 If you cant tell it to your mom, how about some other relatives like auntie or older sister? school nurse is not bad if you feel you can trust her emotionaly. I think your dicision is ok. youre just thinking of your future. hopefully after this you will be more carefull next time. doing abortion in a right way with the professional doctor is more practical and better way, after that you should not worry so much, you have to make your self ok. relax at least 1 week in your house, bed, rest, make an excuse to your mom, say youre just not feeling well and you need a little time to take a rest. i think she will understand it if you say it in a democratic way. you are doing fine sweety.. i wish you good health ok..
...............................
|
