A
female
age
26-29,
*eenloveie
writes:Hi I'm fourteen. Me and my boyfriend have been trying to get pregnant for a while now! i finally got pregnant. But now my boyfriend (hes 16)left me. I really don't know what to do now. we were going to move in together and start a life. How should i get over this and now that I'm pregnant what do i do? My parents are drugies and i live in a foster home so i really have no one to talk to. I really need some advice Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 June 2012):
 Good for you OP.. be brave and strong...
and best of luck to you and your baby no matter what you decide to do.
Be aware as a birth mother that gives up her child for adoption you will give your child a life in a home with two parents that at 14 you cannot provide.
There will be a process by where the parents that are picked are approved and checked out so that the baby is in the BEST possible place...
Adoption is a WIN WIN and if you like you can find a place that allows open adoptions so that later on in life the child can find you and re-connect with the birth mom...
A
female
reader, teenloveie +, writes (15 June 2012):
teenloveie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell thank you for your help.... I am most definitely going to tell my foster parents.... Maybe they will be willing to help.. I know that abortion is out of the question I will think alot about adoption.
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (14 June 2012):
what were you thinking?? what makes you think you and your boyfriend were going to be able to look after a baby at your age?? you need to talk to someone professional about what to do with this, but first you need to tell your foster parents. this is really serious, you cant delay in telling them as you need to see a doctor.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (14 June 2012):
Hi. As you want the baby, well that's all the more reason to tell your foster parents right now.
They will be able to advise you and you can all come up with a suitable solution.
They might be willing to help you bring up your baby.
The other real issue for you to consider here, is that you are going to be bringing up that child for at least 16 years.
And as a result of that, there will be many things you simply cannot do because of being a mother to that child.
Bringing a child into the world is a HUGE responsibility, and at this point in time, it seems clear that you are not fully aware how much your life will change the moment that child is born.
You will inevitably find that you have very little time to yourself and will have to put that child's needs before your own - most of the time.
You may then start to feel a bit trapped.
Then in 5 years' time, you will be taking that child to school.
And all the expenses that go along with education.
You really do need to think this decision over very carefully indeed, as to whether you can afford to keep the baby.
However, in the meantime, DO speak to your foster parents ASAP.
It's really important that you do not delay in doing this.
You will then have to be seeing an obstetrician each month, to make sure that both you and the baby are in good health.
If you smoke you will have to stop that straight away, for the sake of your unborn baby's health - and your own.
There really is a lot to think about here, so let your foster parents know now, so they can assist you in getting the whole process started with seeing the obstetrician.
Then the maternity hospital will have to be booked at the same time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2012): "The problem is I really want the baby and I will never be able to get an abortion and I highly doubt I would be able to give away"
If you were your unborn child, would YOU want to have an impoverished, uneducated, immature, essentially homeless, knocked-up fourteen-year-old girl as a mother with no father in the picture and druggies for grandparents?
Wake up, grow up and smarten up, you are even more incapable of providing for a child's most basic needs (shelter, food, clothing) than your druggie parents are of providing a suitable home for you. You're not playing with dolls, you're playing with a human life. If you decide to keep the baby then it will likely grow up in foster homes apart from you, because if you don't give it up for adoption the state can and will take it away since you're already in the system and they know you have no way of taking care of yourself, let alone a helpless infant.
I'm sorry that you've had a tough life beyond anything I could have imagined at your age, but my sympathies end with your childish unrealistic fantasy that having a baby will solve all your problems. It will NOT, it will make your life even more miserable and unhappy and hopeless than it is now, and you will just be perpetuating a cycle of poverty and dysfunction that will make you a grandmother before you're thirty when YOUR fourteen-year-old gets herself knocked up for all the wrong reasons just like you've done.
Wake up, grow up and smarten up, and do what's best for the child's sake, which is ANYTHING besides "keeping it" for yourself as a toy to play with.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 June 2012):
 Think outside of yourself and outside of what you want. Think about what is the right thing to do. Think about what you can do, and what you can not do. Think about what your best options are, and what the best options for your unborn baby are. It's not all about what you want now. You got to be mature and think about what is best for others as well, not just yourself.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 June 2012):
how are you going to afford this baby?
how will you support it?
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A
female
reader, teenloveie +, writes (13 June 2012):
teenloveie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe problem is I really want the baby and I will never be able to get an abortion and I highly doubt I would be able to give away
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2012): Get an abortion immediatly. You're too young and in no position to have and raise a baby. Doing so would be cruel to the baby. You can have a child when you grow up and are ready.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2012): I'm sorry, but while you were trying to get pregnant your boyfriend was just using you for sex. He never intended to move in with you to start a life together, he was just taking advantage of your very difficult circumstances and your desperate need for any sort of stability in your life, and you thought getting pregnant would magically give you the family of your own that your druggie parents failed to provide. Now that you are pregnant, he has no further use for you and he's gone off to prey on other naive and vulnerable girls.Agree with fellow aunts and uncles, you must confide in your foster parents and caseworker(s) and other professionals involved in your care to arrive at the best resolution to a very sad and difficult situation.I feel so sorry for you, at 14 you've already endured more heartache and sorrow and misery and anguish than many adults experience in their lifetimes. Don't make a bad situation worse by bringing a helpless innocent child into your life, it will only make things much much worse for you and the baby. Hopefully you now realize you are in NO position to even consider raising a child, at this point your decision is strictly choice between adoption or abortion.Best wishes for the future, it won't be easy but you can overcome the obstacles life has put in your path and grow up to become a well-adjusted, emotionally healthy, loving, productive adult.
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A
female
reader, Neverjudging +, writes (13 June 2012):
I know your not in the right situation to keep the baby and support it, but i would definately NOT recommend abortion. After all it was your choice to have sex and get pregnant. So I say to keep the baby and as hard as it may be give it up for adoption if you aren't stable enough after having it. There are plenty of people who would LOVE to have a new born baby to call their own, especially if they can't have one!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 June 2012):
 Let's start with the least important problem , even if perhaps it does not feel the least important to you : how to get over being left by your bf. Don'y worry, you will get over it in time, because everybody gets over the end of their 14 years loves. At your age you are changing fast, in just two years you may be a totally different person with totally different wants, needs, and tastes in men. If you have trouble trusting that... just remind yourself of what abominable , coward, superficial flaky little jerk you have chosen. Trying on purpose to get pregnant a 14 y.o. ( it's against the law btw, he should be in juvenile ) and then dumping you when you ARE pregnant. Disgust should help you to get over him fast.
As for your pregnancy, contact your case worker or social services or whatever is the agency that put you in the foster home. They'll be able to assist you and help you evaluate your options. Which atm I think are only two : terminating the pregnancy, or put up the child for adoption. You have no means ( no money, no physical space even ) to keep this baby and raise it.
Though situation, totally dsproportionated to the strength and experience of a child like you, and I feel for you. But also a very valuable lesson, which basically can be summed up in : don't bite more than you can chew. There is a time for everything, and 14 is not the time for making babies EVER , regardless of your difficult situation.
If you become sexually active again , makes sure you ALWAYS use protection. You can't really be ready to have a baby unless you have an income, your place to live in, some stability ( both financial and emotional in your life ).
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (13 June 2012):
Hi there. As you are living with foster parents, it would be wise to tell them what has happened.
Out of respect, at the very least.
As your foster parents, they can advise you and help you as well.
I am guessing that they had met your now ex boyfriend over the months, had they?
So they must know what he was like as a person.
The very first thing you need to decide as you are now on your own, is whether you are going to keep the baby or pass it up for adoption.
A termination is probably not a very good idea, as it may cause some fertility problems later on, when you really do want to start a family, and you are in a committed relationship.
So it's not a good idea to consider terminating the pregnancy unless there was a good medical reason for it. Or there was a serious problem with the pregnancy.
You are probably still in school, I suppose, and a lot of schools these days have facilities for young mothers to continue with their education and have their babies with them.
Ask your school about this.
You don't want to fall into the pattern, where you never work, and have to live on social security all your life.
You would miss out on so much if you took that path, and down the track you would have many regrets, I'm sure.
And the chances are, that you would never reach your full potential in life.
Your education is just so important, and it's the basis of living a happy and successful life, so don't ever underestimate it's importance - whatever you do.
At 14, you have your whole life ahead of you, so don't destroy the chance you have been given.
And don't consider the path your biological parents have taken, as a way out.
You are much better than that.
It seems that your boyfriend, got very scared when he knew you fell pregnant, and suddenly realized the implications and what it would mean to be a father at 16 years of age.
It's a HUGE responsibility at any age, let alone so very young as you and he both are.
On average, most people aren't ready to take on the full responsibility of being a parent until much later.
At about the age of late 20's or early to mid 30's.
By which time, they are probably in a very steady and stable relationship and possibly married as well, and truly committed to each other.
Now that, is the perfect environment to bring up a child in.
By the time you are ready to be a parent, you would have probably done all the things you want to do before settling down in the first place.
Things such as travel, and finishing your education, as well.
You are nowhere near that stage yet, at only 14 years old.
It's wise to look at the reason you wanted to be a mother in the first place.
As you have parents who have drug addictions, you then had no real family life with them, so welfare put you into foster care, where you are now.
It's very possible, that the main reason you wanted to have a baby with your recent ex boyfriend, was probably to create the family life you never really had yourself, with your own parents.
And that makes perfect sense, it really does.
However in saying this, it would have been wiser for you to wait until your education was completed.
By which time, you would have other ambitions happening in your life that would have a much higher priority, and would be more in line with girls your own age.
By having a baby so young, it will dramatically change your life, to what it would have been otherwise, had you not fallen pregant.
It's too late for that now of course, however it is worth mentioning - just to clarify it for you.
The main thing for you to do now, is to finish your education to give yourself a fantastic future, which will be filled with happiness.
In the meantime, you MUST tell your foster parents.
They do need to know, so do not delay in telling them.
They will be able to help you, I promise you.
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A
female
reader, Beatriceandjohn  +, writes (13 June 2012):
I would go for an abortion in ur circumstances... Good luck
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (13 June 2012):
 You need to talk to a responsible adult, a social worker or your case worker might be good places to start. They should be able to talk to you about the options available to you, and give you all the information you need to be able to make the best decisions for YOU.
Dont leave it too long, if you are not comfortable talking to them, try talking to a school nurse or school counsellor.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2012): Are there not any counselors/advisors in the foster home? You sound like you could really use some professional, adult help right now.
If you're not far into pregnancy, terminating it may be a worthwhile option. Either way, your BF is liable to help support and raise the child if you choose to have it; he can't run away from his responsibility to the child by just leaving you.
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