A
female
age
30-35,
*hivon1705
writes:Hey,so im 14 8 months pregnant and for the first time im doubting if i want this baby, my ex who i was with for a year and 6months well he left me, spread lies about me denied he was the dad then refuses to speak to me, hes making it so hard, half of my friends arnt my friends anymore ive only got one person i can really turn to, and i keep getting really sharp pains in my lower stomache near the adomen, since this morning, it started in my back now its gone round to the front any advice onhow to make it settle?everones telling me how brave im being and things but they dont know how cut up i aminside about my ex, i really loved him and i cant believe hes done this to me, im scared i wont make a good mum and i dont know what to say if the baby asks for his dad, id otn really want the father in my life but should i let him in my baby's life?thanks for any help you can give
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female
reader, shivon1705 +, writes (31 July 2007):
shivon1705 is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks agen
A
female
reader, Confessions Of A Broken Heart  +, writes (29 July 2007):
 Mmmm This is going to sound nutts he wont have to do anything with the baby see the baby pay or anything till he's 16 or 18 depending the contry...just hold and you can do it...if you really want to get him..get him done for underage sex am not too good on english law sorry...You will make a great mum and dont let anyone any diffrent...take care of yourself and the baby hunn
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female
reader, angel-kate +, writes (29 July 2007):
 i know exatly what your going throught, exate same happened to me. but it shows you who your real friends are and as for your bf, not much better then mine , by the sound of it! but women are strong and with the help of your family you can do this, im not saying its easy, because its deffently not! on the bright side, babies areamazing, esspecally your own! you should be proud of your bump and show others that no matter what they say, you are happy and always wear a smile!
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female
reader, sexiestgirlalive18  +, writes (28 July 2007):
 Well I went through the same situation at your age. The guy left and said that the baby wasnt his and I had no friends or nothing. I got through it. My family helped me out. One thing that you will regret forever is if you give the baby up cause you wont know where the baby is going or anything like that. You will always know that the baby is yours and the baby wont know who you are. I didnt know what I wanted to do when I was pregnant and the father left but I kept her. My family didnt totally like it but now my daughter is 4 and her grandpa loves her to death. I dont know what he would of done without her and I dont know what I would be in if I didnt have her. I just thought to myself that if I could have sex and the get pregnant that it is my responsible to take care of the baby no matter how hard it got. I am so happy that I kept her but it is all up to her. Since she has been born her father only since her maybe 6 times and that is it. Now I am with someone else and she think that he is her father but when she grows up and finds out that he isnt her real father I will tell her the truth that he left cause he thought it would be to hard to take care of the kid but that I am still her taking care of her. Hopefully that helped.
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female
reader, shivon1705 +, writes (28 July 2007):
shivon1705 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, thanks everyone for your advvice and time, ive thought alot about what everyones said, i had a good long hard think that lasted several hours
ive decided im going to keep the baby i couldnt have an abortion and i cant give my own baby away
im not ging to bother with the father il let him decide if hes going to try and get in contact with us
and when the babys older i can let him/her decide if he/she wants to see thier dad
as for the pains ive made an appointment with the doctor for this afternoon so il find out what that is
someone asked why i cant tell my parents?
my mums dead and my dad has bin so through much already so i can keep this baby then you want me to turn rund and say i dont want it after all? it would be selfish of me to put even more preasure on him than i have already and i love my dad to pieces the only thing keepinghim going is knowing that hes got a grandson n the way and a daughter to look after how would he feel if i took one of them away in a moment of doubt?
but thanks to everyone els youve all helped alot and il keep you all posted
thanks again xx
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (28 July 2007):
 It is time to talk to adoption ajencies. The very best thing for this baby would be to give it up to adoption to a ADULT couple who can care for it and raise it properly. I have no doubts you could be a loving mother, but the most loving thing you could do for your child is to give it up for adoption. You need to give yourself a chance to grow up and experience life before you become tied down to a child. I applaud you for doing the very brave thing in having this baby rather than aborting, now do the even braver thing and make sure your baby is given two adult parents.
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female
reader, Ask_HanBan +, writes (28 July 2007):
 first of all dont doubt yourself about being a good mother, the fact that he left u and the baby shows that he is fearing the arrival of your child (congrats by the way) and doesnt believe that he will be a good dad.
well you are thinking maturely which is a brill thing, your baby needs a father but doesnt nessacerly mean it should the biological father. see how things work out with your ex i.e. arange days he can see the baby (thats if he wants to be involved) even get a paternity test to prove to him that he is the father then sort things out from there.
best of luk,
hannah :)
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female
reader, AskingCupid  +, writes (28 July 2007):
HI there, you are a very brave girl and you deserve a big hug. Firstly - once your baby is born make sure he/she has a blood test to prove that your ex boyfriend is the father, then he will need to provide financial support. You do not have to involve him in your child's life. If he wants to be a part of it then so long as he shows love toward the baby then that is great. I'm sure he must have some nice qualities for someone nice like yourself you to have chosen him as a boyfriend for a little while, so see what happens between him and the baby. You will need lots of support, babies are hard work but you can do it with some help. Make sure you see the Dr to sort of your stomach pains, also ask the Dr where you can find help and they will refer to all sorts of lovely people to show you how to look after the baby, and even give you somewhere to live if you need some extra help. The other option, as other cupids have mentioned, is giving up your child for adoption. The positives are that the baby would be raised by a family who are carefully screened to be people who will love and care for your child and that they are genuinely desperate to have this child in their lives. The other side is that with support, you CAN provide the love and care your baby needs, and later go back to school, get a career, and do it all. It WILL be hard, but the choice is yours to make. If you choose adoption, it will be hard handing over your baby, but then you would be able to concentrate on yourself and know that you have given the greatest gift in the world to someone.I do know that my daughter is my greatest joy to me and that children are a blessing. Do whatever feels right to you, whatever decision you make, make the one that lets you sleep best at night.Take care, you are a special and wonderful person and if you choose to bring up your baby on your own then you will do just fine.
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female
reader, rockelle +, writes (28 July 2007):
 Most importantly, if you are in pain you should see a Dr. Now, that you have made the decision to keep your child your biggest worry is no longer this dead-beat dad, it should be your baby. Being a mother is going to one of the most rewarding experiences that you will ever have, and it wont be easy but it will be worth it. The father of this child took the easy way out which was running away, so that means you have to be everything to this baby. You can do it. Do not be afraid to ask your friends or family for help when you need it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2007): Where on earth are your parents? You should be talking to them and being guided by them! Or, if not your parents, then who is your guardian or other adult responsible for you?You are not of an age to be responsible for yourself. You are not through with school; you cannot earn enough to live on your own - yet - and while I'm sure you would love the baby, your are barely out of childhood yourself. The best thing you can do for yourself AND for the baby, is to give him/her up for adoption. A hard choice, but for the best.
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female
reader, silly-heartache +, writes (27 July 2007):
Hey.
14, wow! i think its amazing you kept the kid and i envy you, im jealous , ive always wanted a kid and im a year older. The pains are nothing, my mum and sister both just had a kid and they had the same pains, its something to do with the baby moving and growing and your muscels.
The father seems an idiot, he must be stupid running from you and a baby. He should have been more careful about protection.
Your mates are perthetic leaving you at a time like this. thye obivasly arent good enough.
My dad left me when i was younger and my mum didnt want him in our life, so in the end i saw dad on weekends, now i live with him because i hate mum for loosin my dad. so you cant deprive your baby from his/her father.
I hope this was some help.
xx
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female
reader, sxcbabiegal +, writes (27 July 2007):
 i really admire you for keeping your baby i got pregnant last christmas and even though i would of kept it i had a miscarriage but now that you've decided to keep your baby you've kinda got to stick to that decision it's way too late to do anything about it unless you really want to give it up for adoption and as for the father you don't have to let your child see him and you can make him pay child maintenance but your kid needs a dad that will stick around and it's the fathers own fault for walking out on his child he'll be the one missing out on all the cute times and as for your friends ... if they've abandoned you just because your brave enough to have your baby then they aint your real friends and it's in situations like yours that we learn who our friends are keep your chin up your a brave girl and don't let anyone say otherwise hun xxxxx hope everything goes ok for you and don't worry about your doubts they'll soon pass when your babys born i'm sure you'll love him/her to bits please p/m me and tll me how things go xxxx lv jodie
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reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (27 July 2007):
 i hate to tell you that youre 14 and youre pregnant whats gone wrong with youth..its illegal to have sex under the age of 16 for more than one reason why wont kids learn..kids cannot face up to large responsibilities whilst some can but doesnt mean they should go out and get pregnant..with that aside if youre devoted to youre unborn child to be born then im sure you will make a fine mum as long as you give the child a future and make sure they dont make the same mistake..im sorry if this is not what you want to hear i know youre not the only one out their but jeez come on kids theirs a law for a reason not just for fun !!! hope this helps xxxx
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female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (27 July 2007):
 Since you are so far along, you should contact your healthcare provider about the pains you're having. They may want to check you. It's possible that you're having premature labor pains, or false labor. At any rate, your physician should see you about this immediately. As for the dead-beat guy you got involved with, I suspect because of his age, he's freaking out about the possibility of becoming a father. I can imagine what you are going through, which of course, he isn't even thinking about! Regardless of his state of denial, once the baby is here, you should get a blood test on the child, to prove that he is the father, then he will have a legal obligation to support you and the baby financially (unless your country does not follow those laws). You may not win his heart back, which is why it's always best to use some form of protection when having sex. You have had to learn this lesson the hard way, but nonetheless, you will have a wonderful, sweet little baby to take care of, and this responsibility, however tiring it may be a times, will be one of the most fulfilling and rewarding life has to offer. Buy some baby books, read up on stuff. You'll be a great mom. Take care.
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