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female
,
anonymous
writes: I am 12 and having problems with my mum. We argue all the time and I am getting depressed! There must be one of you out there who has gone through the same thing as I am now! Please just give me some advice on what to do.
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female
reader, Against arguments  +, writes (14 July 2010):
Hey I'm at that age too and while writing this just as I'm having an argument with my mum. I think when you argue u need to just get out of her way and not too make it worse I no it's hard tho good luck
A
female
reader, susu  +, writes (11 September 2005):
hi honey im 19 and i still argue with my mum its natural and we are both hot tempered if u get what i mean its meant to be a part of growing up so your normal and so is your mum try to loosen up a bit and like the other replier said dont fight over stupid things its not worth it i feel really horrible when me and mum arent speaking it really hurts. my mum is a worry wart over me and that kills me im nineteen and have been working for three years and my mum still treats me like a baby yet she wants me to act grown up on other terms we fight about what i wear what i eat who i see even who my friends are she says my trousers are too tight or my tops too short and she hates me wearing make up i used to think my mum wants me to be a nun or something but shes just scared. dumb as though it may seem to us now we are meant to appreciate it when we grow up im sure we will. talk to your mum about it tell her how you fel but honey talk about it not argue about it
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reader, HappyTimeHarry +, writes (27 August 2005):
I realize that as an independent mind, you have to argue sometimes or get stepped on. It's wise to pick your battles and not argue on petty things. Like, if you're mom tells you to do the dishes, and you don't want to cuz you're on the phone, it's not worth it. Less arguements means less tension. You can speak your mind without getting angry and causing pain. When I reach a point that I know things are going really bad I just tell myself "I can choose peace, or this". If you can calm yourself down, you can cool the situation off, and if you can't, it's better to leave so you can chill out.
"All that you need is in your soul" Lynyrd Skynyrd
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (26 August 2005):
 Hon, I think it's probably fair to say that no one who has ever lived past the age of 12 has ever *avoided* arguments with their parents. That comes from being an adolescent.
Here's a little pseudo nature-lesson to put things into perspective for you: When a lioness has a litter of cubs, it's all play-fighting and mock attacks and chasing Mum's tail, until the cubs get to be about 6 or 7 months old. That's when cubs start to mature into lions. Suddenly, the lioness isn't nearly so indulgent with them. She cuffs them and growls and ignores them when they're hungry. The cubs hate it, and they growl and snarl about it, but it forces them to start looking after themselves more and more. They learn to hunt, they go hungry, they find other prides and they grow up to have cubs of their own. But they wouldn't have been able to learn to do any of that if the lioness hadn't growled and snarled and forced them to grow up.
The same thing happens to people. You reach a certain age - usually 12 or 13 or 14 - and suddenly everything just seems stupid and wrong. You get upset about everything and yell at your parents... and they yell back at you.
It's not fun by any means, but it's completely normal and it happens to EVERYBODY. It's just a natural progression from child to adolescent to adult, and it's a way for you to start to get ready to live on your own (in a few years, obviously).
So, when you start to get angry and you feel an argument coming on, stop yourself and say out loud, "I don't want to argue about this. I want to think about it for a little while." Then walk out of the room. Stop yourself from getting too mad while you think about what you're actually mad *about*.
Sometimes you argue about little things that aren't even the reason you're angry, like arguing over where you left your school bag, when you're actually upset about the way a friend insulted you. That's called displacing, and almost everyone does it to some extent. Just try to focus on the thing you're actually angry about, then resolve that you want to *fix* that problem, not argue about it.
That's the other piece of advice I want to give you: try to think of ways to fix the problem that you're arguing about, not just vent your unhappiness about it. That's a big ask, I know, and it's something that escapes even people decades older than you. But it doesn't mean that you can't try!
When all else fails, and you end up arguing anyway, don't underestimate the value of just saying, "I'm sorry that we argued", because I'm sure that your mum is sorry too, and she'll appreciate your saying so.
Hope that this is some help.
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