A
female
age
36-40,
*rincessjasmine
writes:I need to know if Long distance relationships work. So for all of you in happy LDR's, please respond and tell me that they work and you're happy. Also, how often do you see eachother? the guy i like is 6 hours away from me and we both are broke students who can't afford to see eachother, i do plan to see him once before fall semester, but then i know that i wont be able to see him that semester at all...do they work?
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female
reader, mediocreland +, writes (23 June 2009):
They do work! It just takes tons of effort. Make sure you set aside time to talk to him every day via phone, webcam or instant messaging. It will take the both of you to be commited to making it work, so you should double check that he's ready for it. If just one of you is doing the work, it wont be a happy relationship.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): Have you ever met him? The only LDRs that I have know that have worked is when the people have been going out a long time and then one has to move temporarily. If you just met him online and don't have the money to see each other the odds are really stacked against you. Usually these just last a couple of months talking on the phone and emailing and then fizzle out. You have to remember that men have needs and if you only see him once in a blue moon the likelihood of him meeting someone else or wanting to meet someone else is going to be very high. I think if you can't see one another on a regular basis then you should probably just keep it casual so you don't get hurt.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): LDR do take alot of work and trust.First of all,is this person really someone you could see yourself with for maybe ever? If you can honestly say yes to this,then you just have to do whatever it takes to make it work.
Being students I know money can be very tight.So how about pooling a little bit togather on both ends.Find a mutal spot in between the two distances where you could meet.If your relationship is there,you can always find clean ,cheap motels to stay a night or two.Pack a nice picnic style lunch.Cheeses ,crackers,fruit,etc. Try to have a place to met that may have a nice river park to go and sit ,have a picnic and just talk.Spend quality time.It is the quality of a relationship that reassures it is worth keeping.
I was married for 29 years and when he passed away I never thought I would find that special person for my life again.I did and we too are doing that LDR ,it is hard but gee what a great time when we do see each other.It does make the heart grow fonder. Good luck sweety.In Love in Tx.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): I was in a LDR for 2 years and it definetly took work. me and my bf were across the country from each other and only saw eachother once (maybe twice) a year. Eventually i moved and we got out place together. Our relationship was good when we were apart, but was perfect when i moved! it takes work when your apart. you will always have doubts in the back of your head and little things will make you go crazy. but if you think it will be worth it in the end then hold on to it and make it work! You both have to be in it for the long haul to make it work out and know that you will be together someday soon.
If you dont plan on being in a serious relationship together after your out of college then it may not be a road you'll want to take
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): Whether it works depends on how much you trust each other and how commited you are, obviously seeing each other is important, but how often is up to yours and your boyfriends prefrences, talk to each other about it. Figure out how your going to make it work with him first, so you know what your doing and whats planned
Personally, my boyfriend and I are 4-5 hours apart and have been going out for nearly 2 years.
We see eachother for about 1-2 weeks every 6 weeks.
So in my personal experience, yes they do work (so far), if you stick at it through thick and thin.
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A
female
reader, mima  +, writes (23 June 2009):
 yeah dear they work a times but mine was hell. let me gist u. he was in malaysia and i was in nigeria. u got that? ok. so he was this kind of loving coz sometyms he cried for me when we had silly fights. his sister stays somewhere around my block in nigeria. after few months, he started ignoring my msgs and wudnt call me for weeks. may be two or so and i complained a lot about it but he kept saying he was busy n needed to do away with distraction. I WAS THE DISTRACTION. LOL so now he is back and i told him b4 he came back that i was tired of being in the rel alone and i had found a new boyfriend close to me. now that he is back he is all over me, like a lion on raw meet and i cant take the chance anymore. he even insults me coz i dont relate to him alot.
its full of shit. i think rels are develped by togetherness. has ur boyfriend ever stayed a week with you? he might be pretending on some things and u myt be doing same. well, i hate LDR with passion
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (23 June 2009):
 ok you will get 2 types of views on this. I'll start with the 1st view:
yes long distance relationships can work if the two people are committed and love each other & are willing to make sacrifices..
for example my husbands brother, him & his wife; they had a long distance relationship for TWO YEARS before they eventually lived together in one place.
from what she told me it was very hard but they were both very patient and kind to one another during that time. they used to have regular phone calls or emails. they regularly was on msn chatting away.
they wanted it to work failure wasnt an option for them. they worked as a team. after 2 years of seperation they finally settled together and had a baby. they are very happy.
the other view is that long distance relationships dont work, i myself was in one years back, and to be honest sometimes you just want someone closer by who can you see regularly rather than long worn out phone calls.
have u spoken to your bf and asked how he feels about all of this? it depends on both of you if this long distance thing is gonna work.
you'll just have to see what happens but am sure if you both comprimise & want it to work , it will!
good luck!!
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A
female
reader, TwiggyCA +, writes (23 June 2009):
 I think they can work, if you are strong and determined. I was in a LDR with someone... it was a 4 hour drive from each other and I would make the drive every other weekend, or every third weekend. This went on for 4 months, until I met someone in my city that I liked more & ended up dumping the LDR guy. I think with LDR, you just have to make a go at it... flying by the seat of your pants and see how it goes. Don't have these set expectations. Just agree that you're going to try to make it work and take it day by day.
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A
female
reader, advicegem +, writes (23 June 2009):
 Craig and I had to do long distance twice in our relationship. The first time was when I transferred from a JC in California up to Washington State University. This was quite earlyon in our relationship, and it was actually not too bad. Having our relationship develop over the phone meant we got to know each other a lot faster and a lot more in depth than if we were in the "normal" early relationship environment. After about 6 months of long distance (seeing each other about 3 times during that 6 month period), Craig moved up to be with me. He was lucky that he had a job that allowed him to work from home.
We lived together for almost three years before we were tested again... this time, I am in the Netherlands, while he is back in California... talk about long distance!!! I am from the UK so the previous visa I was on was a student visa, which expired when I graduated, I therefore had to leave the country. Since then we have been working on the visa process to get me out there.
So how did we get through it? It has not been easy... least of all financially as we are paying 2 rents, 2 sets of utilities and traveling ot see each other. Add in to that that each time we see each other costs the best part of $1000 to get there! So in this year apart, we have seen each other twice. The first time, he proposed to me... and this last time, in May, we got married at my father's house in France. Now he is in California and I have just been approved for my visa to go to be with him next month.
It was definitely not easy... but hopefully knowing someone has been through it and come out the otehr side stronger and more sure of our relationship than ever.. even getting married!!
I think you just have to go with how you feel. You just have to remember that if you love each other, then it will work. Craig and I both had our fair share of temptations and frustrations, but when it comes down to it, we would rather be with each other, regardless of how far, than doing something stupid that would risk it.
Also, take advantage of it. Grow individually and learn about each other in new ways... it's amazing how talking develops when you can't see each other, and how you have to learn how to communicate your feelings to each other when you can't go into the bedroom to demonstrate ;)
Overall... we will never do it again.. but both of us agree that we are able to be at this point in our relationship so confidently because of having been long distance. We got to feel what it's like without each other, and without breaking up, so we never had to get to that point of wondering if we were missing out on something else.
It was hard work, but we did it and have been rewarded for it.
Just stick it out and be honest with each other when you are feeling sad or mad about it... he probably feels the same way. If you are right for each other, this will only make you stronger. Good luck.
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