A
female
age
,
*o_Very_Confused
writes:I need some emotional support... It's a health issue. I am 52 years old with the back of a 72 year old woman.I found out yesterday that I have 3 compressed discs in my spine and two bulging discs (different from the compressed ones) My spine is currently at 20 degrees bent and it's growing. WHEN it gets to 30 degrees off center they will HAVE to operate. It's not a maybe... it's a given that I will eventually (years hopefully) need this surgery. The surgery will not fix the problem it will only prevent further damage. The problem is that the surgery is so difficult that they won't do it until they have to do it. This is the most overwhelming health issue I've ever experienced.Currently the doctor wants to do Facet blocks (injections done by x-ray into my spine) and then perform Rhizotomy (radio frequency Ablation) where they will burn the nerves in my spine to relieve the pain. Hopefully these procedures will provide enough relief that I can return to yoga and exercise which I am really missing and really do help in the long run.Is anyone out there that can speak to spinal problems and how it's affected their relationship?My partner and I are not married. In fact, we are only together about 15 months now. Before we got engaged (yes I asked him on Wednesday as he requested and of course he said yes) I went to him and told him that I understood if he at 38 wanted to bail out on the relationship because he could not bear the thought of having a crippled wife in 10 or 15 years.I really did not feel right burdening him with a woman that might need diapers at 70 (spinal stenosis can affect the bowels and bladder) and not be able to walk or have sex or take care of him. I was deeply touched that he was shocked that I would even suggest him leaving me. So we are in for a penny in for a pound so to speak.I'm scared. I hurt. I feel useless as a person since i can barely walk right now much less lead a full life of running around, cooking dinner, making love or even sitting on the couch cuddling without pain...
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 March 2012):
So_Very_Confused is verified as being by the original poster of the question
Thank you Bardia and Orbiter for your replies. I appreciate the support. I do get the whole in sickness and in health thing.. but if we married 20 years ago and he got this news I would agree with you both.
BUT what amazed me is that we are not together that long... it's the first time he's had a real long term serious relationship... and as we watched his grandmother die a year ago he told me "I will not be around to watch you die I can't"
and yet here he is firmly by my side...
My mother died at 58 from cancer. Her sister at 53, their parents both died in their early 60s of cancer.... i live every day like i"m dying so that's not the issue... I mean I'm taking the chance and marrying again for the fourth time with this man...
I just think that the pain I have right now is so overwhelming... it colors everything I do from how I stand, where I sit, if I can sleep. I spend most of my time at home in bed on a heating pad right now...
A
female
reader, Orbiter  +, writes (3 March 2012):
Two people close to me are in a relationship where one of them has MS. So far he's completely paralysed from the waist down. They cope by dealing with it as it comes. They don't dwell on the negative and what might happen or what the future holds. They live for and enjoy the moment. It's not always easy for them and they have their ups and downs like all relationships but from what I can tell, it's never affected how much they love each other.
Good communication and trust also helps them.
No one is a useless person. Your partner stays with you because he loves you and who you are, not just because of what you can do for him. He enjoys being with you, that alone is giving him something positive.
I know it must be hard and after having a health problem diagnosed myself, I know how scary it can be. The what ifs can really get to you.
From what I know and have seen, it does get easier, once you've come to accept it and gotten over the shock. You'll adapt and realise there are still plenty of things you can enjoy in life, like just spending time with your partner.
I wasted many years of my life when I had my health, now my future is a little more unknown, it's only made more determined to enjoy what I can, when I can. The truth is, as bardia was saying with sudden illness/injury, no one knows what tomorrow will bring, so make the most of what you have now, even if it's less than what you had before.
It may sound cliched but think positively (trust me, it's far easier in the long run than thinking negatively), you have a supportive partner, the stenosis might not affect the bladder or bowels, these procedures might help relieve the pain etc.
Rise to the challenge.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, bardia +, writes (2 March 2012):
 I recently had a discussion about the effects of long-term chronic health issues on a relationship with someone 12 years younger & in pursuit of my heart. I've feared that I would never find someone who would understand and accept that about me, knowing what the future may bring. He was unbelievably supportive! He got on my case that I even worried about it in the first place! (He's got his own health issues, himself.) I think you & I also need to keep in mind all the relationships touched by sudden illness or injury, requiring significant lifestyle changes (cancers, loss of limbs, paralysis). That's why the vow is "In sickness & in health...". If the person we're with can't consider the possible tragedies or difficulties we may encounter & be able & willing to support us through it (as we would for them), then they're not the loving, giving person we need & deserve. I'm with you in sprit on this! Grace & peace!
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