A
female
age
30-35,
*lwayznd4eva116
writes:If your not in love with somebody you're pregnant by, should you keep the baby? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, alwayznd4eva116 +, writes (30 July 2010):
alwayznd4eva116 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Yeah, you guys are right. Thanks so much for your help.!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 July 2010):
 You can still go to school and become a veterinarian. You might get delayed in yoru education, but if you have the willpower a child is not in the way of getting an education. Especially not if you have good helpful people around you who can help you out.
Life doesn't always turn out the way we planned. Already it has taken a turn you didn't want, even if you do have an abortion. You said you didn't imagine yourself having a child before marriage. I am sure you didn't imagine yourself having an abortion before marriage either.
Maybe this can help you decide, what would you prefer to tell the man you will marry in the future? Do you want to tell him you have a little boy/girl, or do you want to tell him that years ago you had an abortion?
Both are tough choices. At only 19 I think it might be best with an abortion, since you are so young. Then again I know you will mature fast once you have a kid to take care of. It is really up to you. But in these situations I often ask: are you able to take care of a child? Do you have the money to feed it? To give it clothes? Do you have a place to live? If the real essential things are missing (and this has nothing to do with the baby's father), then perhaps it is better to have an abortion.
You are the one who needs to live with your decision.
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A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (26 July 2010):
I would say a lot depends on how many weeks or months old the foetus is.
If it's just a few weeks you could still have a pill abortion.
If it's 3 or 4 months then it's closer to being a real baby and you are going to have guilt feelings forever about aborting it.
Adoption is a good option if it's 3 or 4 months or older - it will be much loved as there are loads of couples desperate to adopt.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): I say go with your gut instinct. You seem level-headed and appreciate the consequences of your choices.
Please send a message to my mailbox; I think I can be of valuable help with my background.
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male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (26 July 2010):
How would you feel if you found out your mother was this close to abort you?? Not be cause of health reasons, but just because your dad was jerk?
You have a chance with this child...If it's boy, make sure you bring him to be a man any woman would be proud to have. If it's a girl, make sure she stays away from guys like him.
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A
female
reader, alwayznd4eva116 +, writes (26 July 2010):
alwayznd4eva116 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe father is a total jerk. He wants me to have an abortion but I'm not sure if that's what I want. I considered adoption because I don't think I can keep a child right now. But I also don't know if I'm strong enough to go through a pregnancy & then give up the baby for adoption. I just didn't want to raise a baby alone and if I keep it, I know that's what's going to happen. I know it happens a lot to women and it sucks but I'm only 19 & I have big dreams of finishing college & becoming a veterinarian. I also never thought I'd have my first kid before marriage, even though I DID know the risk when I had unprotected sex. I just don't know what to do.
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (25 July 2010):
 A mother's love for a child cannot really be described to someone who is not a parent. It is a truly unique bond and many women start to love their babies as they grow in the womb. I certainly did, but I couldn't have know this before I had my little man. I am fortunate enough to be in a loving relationship with the baby's father. However, if I wasn't I still wouldn't swap my baby boy for anything in the world. Your baby gives you unconditional love in a way that few other people in your life will. If the father is not around, there is still a child to give you a cuddle at the end of a bad day. I think having a baby as a single parent is a terribly hard thing to do. Babies can be hard work - nappy changes, broken sleep, feeding, washing etc. But there are many single parents in the world who are not with the other biological parent for all sorts of reasons. The majority no doubt feel that the joy of their child(ren) outweigh any hardship along the way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): I like chigirl's answer. It's noone else's choice to make. Only you know of your curcumstances.
Would you love this baby? Be able to care for it? Would you have the support you needed, for yourself and the baby. If not from the father, then from family.
Are you pro-choice? If you deperatly want an abortion and believe that it is ok to do so, then do. If you desperatly don't want the baby, but don't think you could deal with the sever mental trauma that can come with abortion, then perhaps adoption is more along the right lines for you.
If you want the baby, but fear that its family life might not be the norm, then you should have it. It doesn't matter if a child's parents are together these days. As long as they are loved and well cared for, that is all that really matters.
If you can, talk to your family or friends, or even the father about what the best option is for you. If you do wish to have an abortion, make sure you are 100% sure about it, and seek councilling to ensure you will be able to manage the after effects of this choice.
It is also important to note that abortion may cause infertility. So this might be something you want to consider.
Good luck, and remember that it your choice and your choice alone. Do not feel guilty if it is not what everyone else wants. It is your life.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (25 July 2010):
Yeah, I guess it is like others have said here: you might dislike the father, but you will love your baby. Your baby is not the father. It is it's own being.
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female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (25 July 2010):
 well I think you should, after all you had sex knowing the potential consequences, its not the baby's fault you weren't in love with the man. But if you can't handle it, I think adoption is a better choice than abortion, I'm sorry, I am not completely against abortions but I am when it comes to situations when the baby is a result of behavior instead of circumstance.
If you were raped, in serious danger being pregnant (like the pregnancy is harmful to you in some way) or if the baby is likely to be stillborn for some reason, then I think that an abortion is appropriate.
There are bright sides to keeping the baby. If you are a single mother, you get child support from the guy you don't love, and if you're in school you get a lot of help financially from the government. And you get a child that you will love so much, even if you don't love the baby's father. Its a hard decision, but if you don't think you can handle it, perhaps you should place the baby up for adoption to a family that isn't able to have children.
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female
reader, Emaz help +, writes (25 July 2010):
 if you want the baby then yes. its harder for the child if the parents split up when they're older. chigirl gives some great advice
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): i'd say its a personal choice - i'm not in love with my baby's daddy, actually i detest my baby's daddy but my baby is lovely and the best mistake i ever made :)
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (25 July 2010):
In all honesty.. a baby is a life of it's own, and not a creation of peoples feelings for each other. If they love each other or not, a child is made. So why should their feelings for each other have a say in anything?
The question is: are you for or against abortion? Do you want to have an abortion and give up the life growing in you? Or do you think it is okay to have an abortion? If you want an abortion, why? Just because you are not in love with the father? Then why did you have sex with the father... your feelings for the father I believe are irrelevant. The larger question is: are you prepared for a child?
Children can grow up fine in homes where the mother and father are not together. As long as the parents stay civil with each other and communicate well. I know plenty who grew up without their mom and dad being together, and they turned out perfectly normal.
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