A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My question is if you had a bf/gf who was shy around your friends (but not you) would you be annoyed/upset? And would you go as far as dumping them because your friends didnt approve of your gf/bf due to their shyness?Ive only had two bfs and my first one after 8 months said he got sick and tired of me being quiet/shy around his friends. He said if I didnt change into a outgoing overly talkative person then he would dump me. I told him I give it my best shot at being less shy around them next time we saw them. So I did. I honestly tried so hard and I think I did make some improvements. I started a couple of conversations with a couple of his friends, but not all of them, I was just taking baby steps, working my way up you know. But after that night was over my bf startd yelling at me because I still wasnt rid of all my shyness. He was angry because I didnt talk to ALL of his friends (although I did say hello to them all) I tried explaining again to him my shyenss and how its not something I can just get over, I need to take small steps and work my way up. But he didnt understand and he didnt appreciate the effort I made! Not long after that I broke up with him because I couldnt be who he wanted me to be and I knew soon enough he would end it anyway.After him I started dating another guy, and we experienced the same problem with my shyness. I wasnt really shy around him, just being in a big group with all his male firneds. He said to me at first when he realised that I was shy around them "dont worry, I will show you how to change so you can be better, not be shy you know" I warned him that its not something that happens overnight...After a while I think he realised this and because his friends didnt like me because they said I was too quiet, conservative and 'clean cut', he dumped me.So yeah I would like to know if anyone else would do the same thing if they had a bf/gf like me?? I just feel they werent very sensitive or understanding.
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female
reader, cute angel +, writes (26 April 2008):
 hey hun to be frank guys like showing off their girlfriends especially in front of their friends..u know just go flaunting..well maybe he wanted you to mingle with everyone,so that his friends realise how much fun and nice your are..the fact that his friends told him nasty comments about you being shy made him feel may be inferior to have you and lead to the present situation..my advice to you would be more socialable, by talkin to people you have nothing to lose!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): i have the same problem - i am too shy around my bf's friends. he would always get mad at me for 'not making an effort' but i thought that was so unfair, because his friends were not making an effort to talk to me either!anyway, im still with this guy, have been for 2 years. while i do get on with most of his friends now, there are still some that it is soooo hard to strike up a conversation with.my advice - just put yourself out there. i found that i was shy around his friends because i was scared that they wouldnt laugh at my joke or whatever, but seriously, if theres anything that comes up in conversation when all his friends are talking that you can relate to, just say it!! dont be afriad to tell them funny stories or whatever. your bf will love you for it
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A
female
reader, mskate  +, writes (26 April 2008):
different people are attracted to different things... some people are open-minded and will love you for your personal uniqueness. however, there some people fancy their ideal mate to be an out-going party animal, or be book-smart, or be stick skinny, or love animals, or tall, or have friends' approval... what i'm trying to say is that sometimes, guys are attracted to things beyond your control (ex. you cannot change how his friends think of you).
i know you're thinking, "i was always shy (even when i met him), what changed?"
when someone is in love, everything about their beloved is cute. however, after all that cuteness wears off, they may re-think the future of this relationship. don't worry! that happens to everyone and regarding everything from too shy (like you) to too loud to too wild to too lazy to too busy.
again. don't worry. it takes a lot of trial and error to find a perfect match.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (26 April 2008):
 Well your feelings are right, they were assholes.
It seems you are dating the wrong kind of person.
For some people the opinion of their peers is all that matters, they are not intrested in you as a person but in how you make them look to their social circle. If you want that, well then you better loose that shyness.
You might well be quiet, conservative and clean cut, find a guy who wants this type of girl. On the whole stay away from people who want to change you or cure you of X. They are freaks and tend to use this to put you under their control.
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