A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:my ex, who i finished with 2 months ago because he was a bastard to me, slept wiv somone else lastnite and for sum reason I feel gutted. I feel like im gonna cry. I think that they are seeing each other as well. The thing that makes it worse is that this girl who he slept wiv, I was talking to her a couple of days ago and she was saying how nasty he was to me and that Im lucky to get away. Then I find this out. I really dont want to cry but it really hurts and i dont know why. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (26 April 2008):
I think its pretty normal how you are feeling. Often when a girl is in a unhealthy relationship they still carrying some feelings for their ex after its over, despite how bad he treated her. Obviously there would of been some positives in the realtionship, and thats what you miss. Those positives may be that he was nice sometimes (so he probably was putting on a mr nice guy act), just having someone there, not being lonely etc...
I know from personal experience how this feels. I used to have an abusive ex and I broke up with him. Yet when he moved on, I was jealous/sad. Even though I KNEW how bad he treated me, part of me was still jealous. This is just part of the process you got through. You WILL get to a point where you have no feelings for your ex, where you compeltely realise he was no good for you and you wont feel jealuos anymore. It just takes some time to get to that point. I have finally reached it.
It may also be upsetting you because hes moved on and you havent yet found someone. Thats ok though. Its ok to be single and wait till you find a guy who is right for you. Dont feel under pressure to find someone and dont let loneliness allow you to go into a relationship to fill that void.
As for crying, its ok to cry! Give yourself permission to cry. I think there is a theory out there that says part of the reason why generally women live longer then men is because women cry and men dont. Crying is healthy for you. Its unhealthy to bottle it up. By not crying you are botteling up your feelings and emotions and it will make you feel worst and more stressed. so let it all out :)
By the way, I think Datingshoes gave some very good advice! :)
A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (26 April 2008):
 It's a natural reaction - you don't want him, but the thought of him being with someone else feels horrible.
You say you don't want to cry, but that's probably the best thing you can do. Let it all out. Crying, on your own in private, lets out so much of the hurt and emotion. It's your body's way of coping and dealing with extreme feelings.
Have a good cry, and then try to move on.
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