A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What iF You're 15 And You And Your Boyfriend Want To Have A Baby?!? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2011): hahaha 15 responses and not one of you actually answered the question."If we're both fifteen...what happens if we want to have a baby?" Nothing at all, that would just makes you a 15 year old that wants to have baby. Don't worry, wanting to have a baby isn't enough to get pregnant. You have to have sex and stuff like that for it to happen the *want* alone isn't enough. "What iF You're 15 And You And Your Boyfriend Want To Have A Baby?!?" Exactly, what if. It's okay to want a baby, just not a good idea to actually *have* one.
A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (3 May 2011):
 You would mess up 3 lives (not to mention your parents) and spend the rest of your life trying to make up for it. Few succeed.
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (3 May 2011):
 You work out what would happen with school, where you would live, how you would support yourselves, and you think very very very carefully about what your plan would be for the first five years of your child's life - who would be around your child, who would love and care for him or her, who would buy the diapers, who would pay for nursery or childcare, who would buy clothes and food ...... and then you think about whether you are ready to put your own lives totally in the background, and focus all your love and energy on the little life that will come to you naked and totally dependent, and whose happiness will depend on how good you two are as parents.That's what you do. And if you aren't certain, you don't risk the happiness of your child. You wait until you have a really solid plan.Don't get me wrong - I totally support young families. And I totally understand the desire to have a baby, trust me. But you have so much time to do this. Maybe get a few things sorted out and under your belt - like home, money, continuous income (which depends on education/training as well) ... before you let yourself go with this. Just pause for a moment and think. Take stock. My son is 15. He can't find his own socks. Are you like that? Because if so, the dream of a baby could become the very stressful and sad reality of an unhappy family, a lost education and teenage years, and a suffering child.BUT, and only you will know this, if you are the right sort of people, well, then, make your plan, and follow it through.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2011): Not normal, just wait!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 April 2011):
 I think it's a dreadful idea.
Babies are not toys
Babies grow up to be toddlers
how will you support this child?
rent
food
diapers
formula (if not breastfeeding and let's talk about breastfeeding.... ties you to the baby, best for mother and baby... leaking saggy aching breasts... telling the 16 yr old daddy "don't touch me I'm all touched out" because the baby is teething and needed to nurse 6 out of the last 8 hours....
what about school?
babysitters cost money
how do the future GRANDPARENTS feel about this?
babies get sick
they need money
they need meds
they need constant care and affection
they are demanding... they stress relationships...even the BEST relationships.
if my 15 yr old came to me and said she wanted to have a baby with her BF I would tell her no... and if she blew me off... at 15 I still "own her ass" and I would make sure she was kept away from the BF during any time that might enable them to make a baby.
I would put her on the norplant or something so that she could not easily conceive.
I swear you should wait but if it's about sex... be safe use condoms and BCP and have sex... DO NOT HAVE A BABY
at 15 you would be babies raising babies... I KNOW you think you are old enough and mature enough...
trust me I still remember like yesterday thinking how mature and ready I was at 15 to be a grown up... I'm 51 now. I didn't become a grown up till I was 35... and I had two kids already then.
Babies are HARD work. they demand more from you than school or work or your parents or your friends.
there are programs where you have to have a "make believe baby" and it's battery operated and you have to care for it. See if you can find a program like that so you can PRACTICE being a mom and dad.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (26 April 2011):
 Did you click the wrong age bracket or are we talking about your kid sister?
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female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (26 April 2011):
 I think @k c100 said it all.
I also want to add that anyone mature enough at that age to be a parent makes the decision to wait 10 years to do so.
Choosing to have a baby before being finanacially and emotitionally stable is incredibly selfish and irresponsible.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 April 2011):
 You would regret it, that's what would happen. Not regret the child of course, but regret that you didn't wait to have it. Do you think you would be a better parent at 15 than at 25-30? Do you think you would be more financially stable at 15 than at 25-30? Do you think ANYTHING AT ALL, is better about having a baby at 15 than at 25? If not then you know what to do. Wait until you are an adult.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (26 April 2011):
 First things first - having a baby when the age of the mother is under 20 puts both you and your baby at some prety major risks of birth defects and health problems. Here are the main ones:
- Teenage mothers are less likely to gain adequate weight during their pregnancy, leading to low birthweight. Low birthweight is associated with several infant and childhood disorders and a higher rate of infant mortality. Low-birthweight babies are more likely to have organs that are not fully developed, which can result in complications, such as bleeding in the brain, respiratory distress syndrome, and intestinal problems.
- Pregnant teens have a higher risk of getting high blood pressure - called pregnancy-induced hypertension - than pregnant women in their 20s or 30s. They also have a higher risk of preeclampsia. This is a dangerous medical condition that combines high blood pressure with excess protein in the urine, swelling of a mother's hands and face, and organ damage.
So basically, having a baby at 15 will massively increase your chances of having a poorly baby, or you will have some serious side effects that will stop you from living your life normally. Is it worth these risks just because you 'want' a baby right now? There is are hundreds of reasons why most people wait until their 20's to have a baby, and this is a pretty big reason.
Aside from putting your health at risk and your unborn child's health at risk, here are the other issues you need to consider:
1. Are you in a stable, long term relationship where the chances are you will get married in the near future? How long have you been with your boyfriend? 6 months? 1 year? Chances are you will still be in the honeymoon period and will have not put any real strain on your relationship, you will have no idea how your relationship would cope under any pressure, let alone the serious issues that a baby creates. And read around other teen mom questions on this site - so many girls come on here wanting a baby aged 13/14/15/16/17, all of them saying their boyfriends really want a baby too - and then, as soon as its born - boyfriend gets the shock of his life, he is not ready for the responsiblity and does a runner. All the girls come on here massively upset, saying "he really wanted a family with me, he was so excited before the baby arrived about being a dad" but off he goes when the going gets tough. Men can just walk away from their children quite easily, because they have no real ties to it. Whereas women have the bond of carrying it for 9 months, there is no way you can ever run away from your responsiblities.
2. Do you own or rent a house big enough to have a child? Or are you expecting your parents to house the child, while still keeping you (their own child) under their roof, and looking after it while you are at school? Is that really fair on your child and your family? Or worst of all, are you going to expect the tax payer to fork out for your whims, so you live for free off normal hardworking people?
3. Do you have a good career with future prospects? If you are at school, then the answer is no and if you have a child you will never be able to have a good career because no-one will hire a woman who needs to start at 10am and leave at 4pm due to the child. You will not be an attractive candidate for a good job with a child - simple as that. Yes you could get a job in a supermarket etc where you can work shifts - but you will never get a really good job that has a good future, you will just have dead end jobs available to you.
4. Does your partner have a good career where he can support you and the child? Again, if he is younger than you or the same age then the answer will be no.
5. Have you finished your education? I bet the answer here is no - and dont try and fool yourself into thinking it wont be a problem to carry on with it once baby is born - you will be getting 2 hours sleep a night if you are lucky, you will be exhausted and your school work will suffer. Even if you make your parents become free childcare while you are at school, your grades will be terrible and it wont even have been worth going back.
6. Do you have a car? Well you are 15 so that isnt likely. How do you think you are going to get around with your baby? What if it needs to go to the doctor and your mummy and daddy arent around to be your taxi?
7. Do you have some savings ready to fork out the initial costs of having a child? Like buying all the things you need in preparation for a child?
8. Do you have a supportive family network around you? That does not mean you can abuse them - as much as your mum and dad will like being grandparents, they wont be able to afford to support you plus another child, and then be the free childcare serivce as well. Unless you can have this baby completely alone (i.e. with no help from mum and dad) then you should not do it.
9. Are you ready to give up going out with friends, having any money to buy clothes/make-up etc for yourself? All for the baby? You will have no time or money for yourself so you need to be ready to give up a lot for this child.
Think about it this way - you want to give your child the best life you possibly can, but is this possible at your age? Or would you be able to provide more for your child, like educational toys, days out, more knowledge and wisdom, a better family environment, if you waited a few years?
The reason why most people wait until they are in their 20's to have kids is so they can finish their educations, get good jobs that pay well (children are SO expensive, they estimate it will cost over $100,000 until the child is 18), and more importantly - so that you are wise enough and knoweldgeable enough to raise a child well. When the child comes to you asking for help with its homework, or wants to know some deep question about life, normally you need a good amount of life experience behind you to really give your child the knowledge and values it needs to set them up in life. And if you have not lived, and all you have done is quit school to have a child, you are not going to be able to give it the rounded, knowledgeable childhood it needs to turn the child into a well-rounded adult.
Think about if you are in a position to give the child the best life possible, or if you need to get your life sorted first. There is never any harm in waiting, if you have a child at 23/25 you will still be a young mum but at least you will be in a better place in life to handle having a child.
Having a baby now will not make your life better - it will only make it worse. You will have no money, no friends, and no future. The baby wont show its love for you for a few years - at first it is just a pooping, eating and sleeping machine that is only interested in the people that feed it. Love is not enough for a child - it needs the support of 2 adults (mum and dad) who are mentally and emotionally ready for a child and the hardship it brings. You cannot give the child all it needs on love alone, a baby needs so much more.
Even if you are in love with your boyfriend and are happy, just enjoy being young and in love for a few more years - babies can wait. You have the rest of your life to be a mum, but you only have your teenage years once and these years should be the best of your life. See what your relationship is like when you are 20 and see how your lives turn out - then you will be in a much better position to have a child.
Quite simply - your hormones are making you feel this way and it is totally normal. All girls go through pangs of wanting a baby, purely because we are designed to feel that way. Some girls have the urge stronger than others, and for some it stays with them until they actually have a child. But the main thing is to realise that you are more than just your hormones, and there are very good reasons why having a baby at your age would be a terrible idea. Just because your hormones say so, does not mean you should act upon it.
So please, just do the right thing and wait. You have all the time in the world for babies. If you had one now you would be making a huge, hormone driven mistake. So be rational and logical here, if you really are such mature teenagers then you will be able to see past your own selfish wants and realise that having a baby now is not the best thing for the child.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (26 April 2011):
 You become a burden to everyone around you. Not only will they have to feed and clothe you, but they'll have to look after your kid too, since your too young to work and don't even have enough money to buy yourself toilet paper.
You'll bring up your child in poverty, and since your uneducated you'll be too stupid to teach him anything useful.
You may have love, but that's no good to a child who is wet, cold, hungry and worried about a mother who doesn't know what she's doing.
If you love children, get an education, get a job, save some money and learn something about life, so they can become proud of you and not be ashamed.
It's not sensible to plan to bring a child up in poverty.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2011): Bad decision. Being parents is a huge responsibility, you're responsible for someone else's life now. At the very least, how are you going to have the money to provide your child with food, clothes and so on if you're too young to even get jobs? Are you are going to rely on your parents to provide you with the money? that's irresponsible. You shouldn't become parents unless you can provide for your child. you have many years ahead of you to have a baby, these are not the best years because you will miss out on a lot of things like prom, dating, going out with friends, having fun..you will find yourself stuck at home feeling like you're 30 when you're only 16 (I'm past 30 so I know how that feels). and seriously, a 15 year old boy wanting to have a baby? I'm sorry but it is NOT normal for a 15 year old boy to want to become a daddy. I think he just wants to make a baby - have sex with you - that's all. But not to actually raise a child for real.
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (26 April 2011):
 If these fifteen year-olds were to think carefully and deeply upon it, they would know to wait until they are truly ready. They may feel as though they are ready now, they may feel as though they are in love and they are completely ready physically and emotionally to have a baby but the reality is that they are not ready, it would be a mistake. How long have these two fifteen year-olds been in love and are they so sure it is in fact love? During that period of life, emotions are bewildering, enthralling and confusing, often changing as they grow. Not an ideal time to have a child. Who am I to say whether or not they are truly in love? Indeed they could feel strongly about each other and if they are lucky, it could last through to adulthood but only then, when they are truly mature and they have dealt with all they need to, can they bring a child into this world.
I hope that helps.
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male
reader, FJB  +, writes (26 April 2011):
 if that happens you life will be destroyed like you will stop studying and so much more
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female
reader, mima  +, writes (26 April 2011):
 Wait till you are not so young anymore, then you have one.
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female
reader, virgin18 +, writes (26 April 2011):
 Oh Jesus no No NO!!! get that idea out of your head, you are a child yourself!! why would you bring some innocent life into the world to suffer hardship because not you or your bf are ready for such a responsibility. Heck I'm 20 and my bf is 25 and neither of us feels like we are emotionally and economically ready move to such a big step. Don't do it hun!!! Having a baby is a blessing but only we you are economically and emotionally stable to handle it... You are way to young to be thinking of such a thing.
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