A
male
age
36-40,
*elfMade15
writes:Hey! I am 27 year old male with college degree and stable job. I am financially stable and have established lifestyle. I met a 20 year old girl on facebook and have been talking on the phone and through text. She is from Texas and I am from Kentucky. I have nothing holding me back from relocating and she is a full time college student. The age doesnt bother me but it really bothers her. She also has a friends with benefits that has some crazy hold on her because he stands her up and only talks and sees her when it is convienent for him. I really like her and want to meet her in person. She says she likes me and wants to meet in person but she cant throw her FWB away till she knows 100 percent she likes me and wants a relationship. What should I do stick with it till we meet in person? or should I leave now before I invest feelings into someone I have no chance with? PS we talk on the phone on average of 5 hours a night when we both are free. She says she hated talking on the phone but that she loves talking to me. Please help me out. I dont want to get hurt here
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female
reader, Kindpigeonette  +, writes (12 February 2013):
The age gap isn't large at 20 and 27. It's an excuse to cheat in your face. She likes you because you give her the attention the guy she actually likes doesnt. Grow some self esteem and get out.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 February 2013):
 You write: "What should I do stick with it till we meet in person? or should I leave now before I invest feelings into someone I have no chance with?"
Leave now. It would be silly to try to make some form of a relationship with a young (and immature) woman who gives you so many signs of having not yet matured beyond pre-pubescence, and hormone-driven naivity.......
Good luck.... and stay in Kentucky....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 February 2013):
 K_c100 has covered all the points well.
The difference between 20 and 27 is huge. The difference between 27 and 34 not so huge. At 20 she does not know what she wants.
LDRs are impossibly hard. Especially if you meet online and have no idea if the chemistry will work face to face or not. A visit might or might not help in this case.
Her FWB having a crazy hold on her is her trying to make it work with him. She gives him FWB in hopes of him changing his mind and being with her as a real gf…
You could go and meet her and see how it goes but that is not an indication that it will work long term. And relocating for an LDR needs to be done at the end of the relationship not the beginning.
IF you go and you meet her, and it works out, you will not relocate right away… her FWB will still be local and you will probably wonder when you can’t find her if she’s with him.
I understand not wanting to walk away without knowing…but having done an LDR, I can tell you they are not fun, they are not easy and they are not for the young…
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (11 February 2013):
 I cannot think of a single reason why on earth you should continue talking to this girl - she is clearly so incredibly immature that giving up your entire life on a wing and a prayer would be beyond stupid.
Lets look at this closely:
1. She is 20. Ok so the age gap doesnt bother you, and 7 years is not a big deal. HOWEVER it would be fine if, for example, she were 25 and you were 32 because you both would be mature enough and in a similar stage of life. Unfortunately for you, she is only 20. She is barely out of her teenage years and wont be very mature at all. Her life will be college/school, partying and having fun. Careers are not on her mind yet, neither is settling down and getting serious. You are at completely different stages in life, wanting completely different things at the moment. So if you took a chance of being with her, I would put good money on the fact that within 1-2 years she will change as a person, she is still maturing so you will grow apart, she will feel she has wasted the best years of her life pretending to be a grown up and she will rebel - wanting to party and meet new guys.
2. The 'FWB'. You said yourself, this guy has a crazy hold on her which is a VERY BAD sign. She is clearly so immature that she is into the whole 'bad guy' act, hanging onto some guy who treats her like trash - she enjoys being treated like crap, so a nice normal guy like you isnt going to cut the mustard for her. Young girls like drama, they are addicted to it and a sensible grown up relationship just doesnt provide the drama they thrive on. They like to be crying to their friends about their troubles, then feeling the high when the guy they like calls them, and then revelling in the low when he goes quiet again. She is obviously wishing this guy could be more than just a FWB otherwise she wouldnt put up with this, FWB are supposed to be easy and convenient for both parties so if one person is getting used and hurt, then it is clearl that person has stronger feelings than just 'friends'.
3. The comment that she wont leave her FWB until she is 100% - what a joke! That basically means that she isnt sure about you, she really likes her FWB and wants to keep you both in her life until she chooses to make a decision. That just sums up her maturity levels - that she wants 2 guys in her life because it is easier than having to make a decision.
4. Long distance/relocating. As I'm sure you are aware, LDR are really hard, and you are going to struggle to maintain it long term. So your solution is to relocate, giving up your entire life on the hope that it works out with an immature 20 year old. What happens after a year when she dumps you because she wants to 'live life' and be 'single'? You are left alone, with no friends and family, having given up a good job for nothing.
Overall you have an immature little girl on your hands, who is hung up on her FWB and is too immature to stop the drama in her life and make a choice on who she wants. You havent even met, so this is just a figment of your imagination at the moment. She is way too much of a risk to relocate and give up your life for her, and she is only going to bring you grief.
I'd leave this one alone and dont waste your money meeting up with her - any girl that is remotely involved with an ex or FWB is not worth the trouble. Stay well away from her, and move on. There will be thousands, if not millions of other girls living much closer to you, who are 100% single and not quite so immature.
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