A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my wife now for almost 8 years now. Married for 2yrs with a house and a baby girl of 7 months. She is from overseas and is currently back with her family with our baby while we were getting back on our feet(so far 4months). Inspired by her constant looking thru my emails I decided to look at hers. Everything seemed cool as I thought then I looked in her sent mail to find emails dating back to 3 years b4 we met to late 2009 with this much older guy. So I read on... only to find that in 2008 while we were buying our house together she met up with this guy and they met and had intercourse with details of the event in these emails. Wats worse is that we were overseas together visiting her family and I had to go back earlier. She came back 2 weeks later and met up with this guy within that time in another country. I am totally destroyed and just don't know wat to do. she says she is not in contact with him anymore but wat pisses me off more is that she talks about me 2 him, he has a wife and a child too, and in every email after the event she talks about how much she wishes she was with him again even contacting him on my birthday. Also she has sent him pics of our wedding and our baby girl. I have confronted her and she says she is so sorry and we both made a conscious decision walking down the isle to commit to each other and now have a child. Wat do i do, do I stay or go??? If we break up she will take my child and won't be in Australia where I am and our government can't do anything about it. Am so lost
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010): Have been to lawyer, since she is already out of the country and this is come out, she says she won't be coming back. Thats why I said Australian government can't do anything because the country she is in has no agreements with Australia and literally can't do anything. Hence my dilemma
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2010): Get a lawyer.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (14 September 2010):
I would check with a lawyer exactly what you can do. Because I find it hard to believe that they'd just let he take your child out. I would have a serious talk with a lawyer and make sure you know exactly where you stand, to the letter of the law.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity  +, writes (14 September 2010):
 I find it hard to believe that Australia doesn't have any laws that prevent a spouse from leaving the country with a mutual child involved. I mean she's out of the country now, right? When does she get back? You have to ask yourself if you are willing to live happily with the fact that your wife had an affair. Is this something that you can get over? These are questions that only you can answer. If I were you though, I'd see a lawyer and ask him some questions regarding what your options are. Staying together 'for the kids' usually doesn't result in a happy marriage. And I have said many times before that cheaters aren't really worth the time. So I would get some legal advice before you make a big decision. Best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, SophieF +, writes (14 September 2010):
I really feel for you, this is such a horrible situation to be in.Right now all you are feeling is hurt. You need to decide whether you can stay together. This will be a very tough decision and I understand that access t your child is a factor.Have you thought about writing your wife a letter? I know it sounds cliche but it's a lot easier to get your worries, feelings and emotions across if you have the time to write and rewrite it. Tell her how hurt you are, how you are worried about your marriage and how you are scared of losing your child. Avoid being aggresive or accusatory (she knows what she did was wrong).A relationship can bounce back after an affair, it just takes time and understanding from both sides.
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