A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 18 year old girl. Im pretty mature, not kiddish at all. I met a guy on a penpal site around 3 years ago and he introduced himself as just John (name obviously changed). He told me he was 24 then (should be 27 now) We eventually lost touch after a few months of chatting and texting. And we never really met up then. Well around a month back, I get a text from him. I was pretty surprised he remembered me after all this time. We got talkin again and a few weeks later made plans to meet up for a movie. He picked me up and everything went well. We talked a lot, he seemed to be a kind of guy who could make me laugh. I thoroughly enjoyed being with him. We made plans on meeting the next day as well. His job calls for him to travel abroad, so the only Time we could meet is on weekends. We went out on a long drive. It was raining and He kissed me! I didn't mind and it seemed perfect then.So since he travels a lot, I told him to add me on Skype so we could keep in touch. When he did, I was shocked cause his Skype ID contained his real name! It wasn't John! Also the d.o.b given there indicated that he would be 29 now and not 27!! I Tried looking for him on facebook, the name matched his Skype name and the birth date given there too confirmed his actual age! I'm in a state of shock. This guy is abroad till Friday! And we had originally planned to meet up Saturday morning and go for a road trip! From the way this guy acts around me, I think he assumes we're 'dating'!!! But for all I know he could even be married! I can't get this out of my head neither can I choose to ignore it. I don't know what to do. If he has lied about simple stuff like this, I don't know what more he could lie about! I'm not the kind of girl who usually talks to guys easily, so I wouldn't be able to question him directly! :( a little help on what I should do?
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (19 July 2012):
FWIW, meeting people online for relationship reasons is IMO a dicey proposition at best. Your experience is an example why.
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (18 July 2012):
Oh and I want to add, tell someone you trust about this, like friends and parents. He may seem harmless now, and he may turn out to be, but it's better to be safe than sorry and have a support system to back you up. Do you live alone?
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (18 July 2012):
Listen to your gut, OP. If you learn to do this young you'll reap the benefits for the rest of your life. You obviously don't feel right about this (as you should!) so cut contact with him and archive it as a valuable learning experience.
If he felt the need to lie about his name and age, it means he knows it's not normal for a guy in his mid twenties to try and hook up someone almost 10 years his senior. It also seems awfully convenient he contacted you again at 18, now you're "legal." The reason he hid his name is because he didn't want you to find out or control the time you do find out, in hopes of having groomed you enough so you won't object. In short, it means he's bad news.
Dump this guy. He's a predator. He's the kind of guy whose real age increases while his online age decreases. Your gut is telling you to get out of this. It's that uneasy feeling that propelled you to write this post in the first place. Learn to recognize it and listen to it and if you do, you may actually be as mature as you say. Just don't be too quick to add on the years of maturity, time will do that all by itself, quicker than you may like ;-)
As for how to end it, do it through text or e-mail as it is safer than the direct confrontational route. Plus you get to keep everything he writes back as evidence should you need it. Keep it clean, clear and to the point. Something like this should suffice. Don't make the mistake of writing something long and emotional he can exploit.
"Dear John, or should I say [insert real name]?
I just found out that you withheld your real age and name for me. You may be lying about a lot more than that. I do not wish to be with someone who cannot find it in himself to be honest about the most basic things. It means I cannot trust you and that everything you have ever said could be a fabrication to suit some ulterior motive I was not made aware of. Because of this I do not wish to continue our relationship (or whatever it was) in any manner or form. Please do not contact me again. Any messages or attempts to contact me will be ignored.
Regards,
[insert your name]"
Don't feel guilty about cutting him off like this. He had it coming. Be strong. Be mature.
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A
male
reader, primetime86 +, writes (18 July 2012):
Some of us guys are shy or just dont trust anyone either until we get to know them. But if we was 14-17 talking to 1 tgat would make more sense. Not sure you can trust him with that much of an apparent lie. Im 25 and would go out with an 18 year old if she were the right person, but then i would be upfront about it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2012): My best friend and I used to chat online with men all the time when the whole AOL/MSN chatroom era began many years ago.We too thought we were incredibly mature for our own age (which was then 14/15). We chatted with a few men in their twenties and those who were 19....And guess what we found out many years 6-10 years down the line? Those same guys are STILL talking to 15, 17 or 18 year olds. Why? Because they're creeps who prey on teenagers that don't know any better.Many lied about their age, pretending to be younger in order to appear less creepy.Many lied about their nationality, their likes/dislikes and their life philosophies. Many hid the fact that they're talking to teenagers exclusively. All I can tell you from personal experience is to NEVER trust an online person. And NEVER trust an older guy that is going after significantly younger women. As someone who has been thought it and as someone who is 28, I can tell you that any man that age going after a 18 year olds is a total sexual creep. Break contact and never trust anyone online.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 July 2012):
 iAmHereToHelpYou and So_Very_Confused are so very SPOT ON.
I would cut all contact... It's not so surprising that he's gotten into contact again, now that you hit 18.......
He is a Creeper!
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female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (17 July 2012):
 I'm sure he knew that his real details were visible on Skype so when he added you, he knew he would be giving himself away. A lot of people lie pointlessly on the net about minor things...and he might have lied to you three years ago for no particular reason or sinister design but merely because people tend to do silly things on the internet, sometimes for fun and sometimes to protect themselves by concealing their real identity. But after he got to know you better, he may have realised he doesn't need to hide from you anymore. It's a possibility. He might be what others have said he is...a stalker, a jerk out for easy sex etc. but maybe, just maybe, he's a regular guy who made a mistake. Don't go back to his place or invite him home. Don't have sex with him anytime soon. And it's best to confront him directly. Just a piece of friendly advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2012): So he was 24, trying to chat up a 15 year old girl? Doesn't that seem strange to you?
Be careful, there are some crazy people in the world!
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 July 2012):
 You met this guy when you were 15. He's been grooming you ever since. Of course he lied about his age. You were 15, gullible and naive, and he didn't want to lose the chance with you.
Men who pick up 15 year olds in chat rooms have something wrong with them. Seriously, they do. They are predatory types, hoping to score some easy sex from girls who don't know enough to be wary.
Cut contact and do NOT meet up with people you have no real knowledge of.
I'd tell your parents and/or your friends, so that someone knows about this guy. It sounds seriously creepy and rather dangerous to me.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 July 2012):
 you never should have let him pick you up in the first place
I'd not be getting in a car with someone you met online that you barely know....
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female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (17 July 2012):
 I do not want to be disrespectful here, but what did you expect? You met him ONLINE where people are known to lie about lots of things. For your safety, I would not meet him. A roadtrip with someone you really don't know could be dangerous. Please be careful when you get penpals online. I know it is the cool thing to do and can be a fun diversion, but even if you have talked to someone online for years, you have no way of knowing if they're being truthful or if they are lying. You also do not know how they really live, what their habits are, or how they behave around family and friends...among other things. Keep online penpals online.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2012): To be honest I'd steer clear. He's lied to you he couldn't be anyone be safe and cut ties
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female
reader, Sakari2  +, writes (17 July 2012):
 Wow, well I haven't personally had any experience with meeting people from online i'm still a little iffy when random people contact me through facebook! I would be worried and slightly concerned if I was you, as he has lied and he really didn't need to I mean the age difference between his suggested ages is just 2 years so why lie? If he did think that he wanted to date you properly then how could he think that you wouldn't find out his real name and age. But then again there could be a reasonable explanation such as he had a cover name for the penpal site he was on... and didn't want to tell you that he had a fake name because that could make him look suspicious.... It's hard really I wouldn't advise you to confront him incase he is married or something I mean anything could happen! Maybe over text/email or skype you could ask about his name and age change... he did give you his skype details afterall so of course you were going to find out!Good luck and please be careful!
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