A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Very tricky problem! My boyfriend of 2 years recently went to pick my younger sister up from school (she is in year 11) it was after hockey practice and she wasn't at the front of the gates like usual so he went inside towards the all weather pitch and saw inside the PE storage, herself and a PE teacher kissing! His hands were all over her. My boyfriend freaked and just waited near the front gates (don't blame him he didn't know how to act). She came pretty soon after and he drove her home without saying anything. As soon as he saw me he took me to one side and told me everything. I was shocked I am only 18 and went to the same school and I know the teacher. I felt that I had to confront her and give her the chance to tell me everything. When I did she went mad at me and I lost it, she wouldn't tell mum even when I said if she wouldn't I would. When I asked her if it had gone any further she just looked at me. Me and my sister are extremely close and I knew if it wasn't sex then foreplay had gone on. I had no choice, she is not 16 yet and it just knocked me for six, this teacher taught me and he was always very friendly but I never thought anything of it. I told my mum and my mum cried and doesn't want my dad to know. She won't go to school to report it and has begged my sister not to go near him and she has promised not to but I don't believe her. I screamed at my mum to tell my dad and the school and said I would. My mum went mad and said if I did I would be the reason behind beaking my family up. How could she say that to me? I want to do what's right and to keep my dad in the dark is tearing me apart but if I tell him I lose my mum and my sister. I have to stay at my boyfriends at the moment and feel like I have no family... please tell me have I done something wrong? Shouldn't my dad know and this teacher be punished? She is only 15!!! and he may have had sex with her! I need to tell my dad but then I lose my mum and my sister, what do I do? Even my boyfriend doesn't know and wishes he hadn't told me!! PLEASE I'M DESPERATE AND BROKEN!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAm sorry but the last poster who are you? You dont even know my sister so if you haven't got anything helpful keep it to yourself!! Everyone else thanks very much! xx
A
male
reader, fuglyone  +, writes (21 April 2009):
 Maybe tell your sister to stop offering sex to the guy.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 April 2009):
 Definitely tell your Dad while your mother is present. If she pretends that she didn't know about this, then let her, but you and she will know the truth. This is a job for Dad, he'll know exactly what to do. Your sister will get over this and will realize that you were truly looking out for her best interests.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): Tell your dad, but don't say that your mum knew! You should have told them both at the same time
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2009): You're quite right, you father has to know, and it is up to him to deal with the situation. If you confront the teacher yourself and threaten him, you could be breaking the law -- he could conceivably charge you with extortion.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow can I not tell my dad though does he not have the right to know and he is what 48 and I am 18. I know this man very well whereas my Dad dosen't. Wouldn't it be best for him to handle it?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2009): There seems to be a general trend of advice here, but I'm going to offer something slightly different.Perhaps you, your boyfriend, or the two of you together, need to confront the teacher directly. Tell him exactly what you know, and that you are perfectly prepared to go to the cops. Let him know that you are willing to see him rot in jail. Then tell him that he needs to quit his job and move to a different town. Impress on him how much less this will f**k up his life than if he were sent to jail for statutory rape. Tell him that if he is still teaching at the school in a month, that you will file charges with the police.If he has a wife, you should contact her and tell her what you know. You should also tell her the ultimatum you have given him.This way you can protect your sister, and not tear your family apart.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2009): Anon, if you think it would help, I've found two links to news clippings about the case I mentioned, where one of the victims sued the school board over the harm that was done to her (she was 12 when she had the 'relationship' with him, and was 35 at the time of the article). PM me if they'd be of use, perhaps one day when your sister starts coming around about about why you intervened.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2009): Your instincts here are right on the money. I'm sorry you're caught in the middle of this mess, and even more sorry about your mother's reaction.
We had a PE teacher in my junior high school who was amazingly sympathetic. All kinds of us felt we could confide in him, and I left the school thinking of him as a friend. Quite a few years later, a string of girls came forward to tell of their relationships with him. Three, I think, from my school, and others from schools he taught at before and after. They'd all been fairly willing to have sex with him at the time, when they were aged maybe 13-15. And all took the stand years later to tell the court how they felt that decision had completely messed up their lives.
The point, as you know, is that at 15 you're not making the best decisions, which is why we have rules against older men in authority doing this stuff. You are absolutely doing the right thing, as much as your sister doesn't, right now, agree.
Good for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2009): Your mum and sister will forgive you. Give your sister a couple of years and she'll look back and realize it was wrong. Your on a higher moral ground here as you are in the right. If your mum isn't going to look after her daughter then you got to step in and stop it. This PE teacher isn't to be trusted with teenagers.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all of you for taking the time to read it and answer. It is so hard for me at the moment. Me and my sister arent talking and Im furious with my mum. I know to keep it hidden from my dad would mean my family was living a lie which would tear me apart. I think I know what I have to do which is tell my dad and I know he will be an adult, a father and sort this mess out. the problem now is do I tell my dad my mum didn't want him to know? How hard it has been for me? I have to risk my relationship with my sister because she is at risk and hopefully will forgive me in time. As for my mum I feel betrayed by her and can only hope she isn't thinking properly and that it is shock.
Thanks again xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2009): you know in your heart what is the right thing to do.
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A
male
reader, blazee +, writes (18 April 2009):
 hey.
tbh there is not much you can do. If you get involved to much all you are going to do is strain the relationship between you and your sister and shes going to become more and more distant from you. You can give her advice, influence her down one path, even call the cops on this guy and get him fired since what he is doing is illegal, but your sister will always feel as if you are invading her life, and that it is her decision. I think your dad should know, however i dont know what the repocutions of that would be, how your mum would take it or your sister.
you really need to think about what to do, and with a subject so close to you and your family as this i think its best you make the final decision, and dont let anyoneelse on here or in your life tell you what to do.
I think the final decision you will have to make is what you value more, the well being and protection of your sister, or your relationship with her?
all the best, i hope things are ok with you x
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female
reader, Eyesliketheocean +, writes (18 April 2009):
Look. I'm sure you know this is illegal ect. You need to report it to someone. Tell your dad, he has a right to know. You need to tell the police. This could be like sexul assault or whatever it's called :S good luck, you need to do what is right and what you beleive is right
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female
reader, toxic_oreos +, writes (18 April 2009):
 I am 13. You should tell your dad and report it, the teacher might be a child molester who knows. Would you rather tell and get the teacher totaly out of her life or do you want your sister to get raped and never again see her? If I were you I would tell. Your sister is a kid, she doesn't know the full consequences. I have a sister, she's 22 and I tell her everything but if something like that happend to me I wouldn't tell her either right now your sister is lost and doesn't fully know or understand what she did.You need to tell her how bad it could be next time she goes next to that teacher. You need to help her, she's still young and is very confused.
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