A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've cheated on my boyfriend of 1 year 3 times, but that was when we first started seeing each other. I didn't like him that much at that time and was still quite hurt/ messed up from my last relationship, which ended 2 years ago but that was my first serious love. When I did that, I didn't know my bf already liked me as it was always me who initiated dates and thought he didn't care much anyway and thought I was not hurting anyone. I admit that I was seriously messed up that time.But as we see each other more, I started like him more and more and am completely devoted to him now. He brightens up my life again. 3 months ago, I kinda told him about me cheating, but only said I kissed a guy (actually I has sex with one of the 3 I cheated with) He is very upset about it and I can tell it did bother him quite a lot. I told him that I thought he didn't like me that time, but he said he did or else he won't keep seeing me. I can't imagine how sad he will be if I tell him the whole truth. I'm sure I won't do that again as I do love him now and regret very much what I did. But I hate that I'm such a liar as he always believe I'm an honest girl which I'm not.Should I keep the whole truth forever or be honest? I'm pretty sure he's going to break up with me if I do. though..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2012): Calmly surely it is cheating as you state that you also are allowed to see others.I recommend you tell him, I stayed with my partner after he cheated because stuff happens. We have gone on to have a better relationship because we are more open and honest about how we feel. We keep the relationship spicy. We have both hurt each other but we moved on and are happy.If you don't tell him the guilt you are feeling will just eat you up until it eventually breaks the relationship up. Also like others said you are building a relationship on lies and even if he finds out later it will hurt as much as it would now.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2012): No way, no how, never never never tell him
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2012): to Candid Cally: No, we hadn't have that talk when I cheated, we were dating only at that time. I didn't know that he expected me to be exclusive with him or he already liked me at that time. Indeed I didn't feel guilty about it till I saw how concerned he got when I "kinda admitted" I "cheated" I only felt bad about it when we became more serious but not exactly guilty. But now as we are becoming more serious and in love, the thing I'm hiding (whatever it's cheating or not) is eating me alive. I don't know if I should tell or not, I really don't mean to hurt, I would have never done it if I knew his expectation on our relationship at that time. I know that he's going to break up with me for sure if I tell despite knowing my reason and my commitment now.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (22 September 2012):
Had you talked with your boyfriend about being exclusive and only in a relationship with each other? If you hadn't had this chat yet, you were still DATING and not exclusively boyfriend and girlfriend. If you had not had this talk, then you did NOT cheat.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2012): I'm the one who asked this question.
to BondGirl72: sorry that english is not my first language. I cheated on him when we first started seeing each other, I mean the first 2.5 months when we were still knowing each other.
We've been together for 1 year now. I didn't cheat again after that first 2.5 months and am very regret for what I did and I'm very sure I won't do this again. The guilt of what I'm hiding already is too much and I can't bear myself hurting him even more. I do love him now and am very sorry for not knowing I would have hurt him with my earlier actions. If I knew that he liked me already in that 2.5 months, I would have never done it. I'm not saying it's his fault for not showing his affection more obviously, but I'm blaming myself for not being more sensitive. I really thought I won't hurt him and thought we won't last as he doesn't seem to be too interested nor care me. But I know nothing can justify my action and I made a huge mistake.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2012): You should definitely 100% tell him and let him decide for himself. Tell him or write here after x amount of years when your husband will want a divorce. Make no mistake, even if he finds out after 50 years his feelings won't change.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (22 September 2012):
 You need to talk to him about it and tell him exactly what you've said here if you plan to have a real relationship with him.
That said, I also think you need to look at why you started dating so soon when you were still hurt and messed up from another relationship. Will you do this again? If so, you may want to take a break from relationships altogether. You say you were doing this the whole first year you knew your current boyfriend. I am not sure I would trust you either, but you have to start building the trust some time.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 September 2012):
I have just been reading another post on another site about a woman who kept her cheating from her husband for 6 years. And then he found out.
Needless to say, her question on the issue was 'how do I make him forgive me', because he'd made a run for it.
If you choose not to come clean, then your relationship will just be built upon a lie, - and given that you've already partially admitted it, there's a good chance that he'll work it all out.
So, the answer is to bite the bullet and admit that you did what you did, and why. Then you have to hope that he believes you. If he doesn't, at least you can say you did the right thing, and you won't be living a lie. If you don't, eventually it'll come out anyway and just cause more pain.
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