A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi readers.My daughter won a Scolarship at the Catholic Agricultural School in Bindoon. She has been there for 2 weeks and wants to come home already. She says that she is trying to stick it out but she wants to know that if she wants to that she can leave after term 1. I am a single mum and do not have any support in Perth from my daughters father who is a drug addict and my sister who is also a drug addict. My Mother is forever in constant drama regarding my sister. They are both co-dependent on one another and when my daughter was in Perth she would be subjected to this at times despite my many attempts to shelter her from it. I am trying my very best to complete a Uni degree, pay a mortgage by myself and up until know raise my daughter as well without any support.My daughter went to a school last year and wasn't happy there and wanted to leave. I made her stick the year out and she was quite miserable and didn't like the school, nor did she make one friend and would just sit with me on the weekends on her LapTop as she didn't have any friends to mix with.My daughter has always loved horse-riding and the country and she wanted me to apply for a Scholarship to the Agricultural School. Hundreds of applicants applied and she was fortunate enough to win one.Another reason I thought it would be good for her to go the Boarding School would be so she could hopefully make some friends with common interests such as the horses. The Residential ladies that work there text and call me and say Miranda is mixing well and making friends which I think is great.My daughter however says she is not happy there and wants to come home.I feel that the Scholarship is also a wonderful opportunity for her to be in an emotionally and socially healthy environment. My only concern is that if I insist that she stick it out will this damage her and her mental health long term, or will it teach her to become stronger and more resilient for her future years? My Mum believes that human beings are like branches so to speak. Some come bend to changes, some break. This has got me worried. Please can any readers help me with this decision as I don't know what to do. Thanks
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): No it won't damage her mental health in the long run, it will benefit her. You're over thinking this. If she can't adapt to life in this place and settle down then how is she ever going to cut the apron strings.
If you want her always to be over-reliant on you then bring her home. But she has to learn the value of independence too. She has to learn the value of following through with commitments, of keeping things going, of not giving up Op she has to learn how to cope with life without retreating all the time.
Take off the kid gloves and do not let her have her way here. Yeah she's had a bit of a tough up bringing with your family situation that doesn't mean you have to wrap her in cotton wool and you certainly can't let her just give in every time she feels like it. She did this in her last school too. She has to stick this one out too. OP she has to learn to adapt to life she can't come running home to mammy every time she feels like things aren't going her way.
Life throws lots of pain and obstacles in our way OP you know this, but running away is the worst trait you can have. OP if she can't cope with this how is she going to cope with more serious situations. Of course you help and support her but you should never support her in giving in.
Look it's normal to be worried and it's normal to be aware of how things may effect her but molly coddling her is the opposite of what she needs.
Life is tough OP if she can't deal with something like this then she'll fall apart in the real world when things get serious. You see OP her experience seeing drug users and having them in her life is that escape is the best mechanism for coping with life's problems because that's what drug users do. OP she's in real danger of going down the same path unless you show her that she needs to fight, she needs to work hard and never give in. She needs to learn to cope with life in a way that she knows that escape never solves anything, you can't run away from life OP, you can't run away from things when times get tough, because the problem will never go away.
If she's having trouble then tell her to talk to the school counselor in fact that might help a lot.
But seriously letting her escape from this because she's finding it tough is exactly the kind of attitude that led her father and sister to drugs. They're still escaping their problems OP and you know first hand that their escape and all forms of escape from issues are only another issue in itself.
Screw the branches analogy OP if that was true then she has no chance in life anyway so there's nothing you can do to stop her breaking, but you know that's not the case. You yourself could have broken a million times in your lifetime and might have even broken once or twice but we're human OP we can fight back and bounce back. But only we've been thought that we can overcome anything that life throws at us, we can pull ourselves through any situation as long as we stay and fight, as long as we always get up, dust ourselves off and keep going.
Pulling her out of this school after two weeks is the opposite of that.
A
female
reader, sammi star  +, writes (15 February 2011):
 2 weeks is a very short time and certainly not long enough for her to adjust. At the moment she won't just be having difficulty with adapting to her new school and finding new friends but also being away from home.
You say she was spending much of her time with you so I suspect that she's just homesick. reassure her that things will get better but she must stick it out. let her know that you're still there for her whenever she needs you, you're only a phone call away.
If you tell her she can come home after the first term if she's still unhappy then that's exactly what she'll do regardless of how well she may already be doing.
As a mother I understand it's tough when you're kids are reaching out to you and you have to take a step back. But you're doing it with her best interests at heart and I'm sure she's going to thank you for it one day.
If the school said she hadn't made friends and wasn't happy there would be a lot more to worry about but seeing as she's mixing well I think she just needs time for the home sickness to pass.
...............................
A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl  +, writes (15 February 2011):
 Your daughter has only been at school for two weeks, so it is way too early for you to even think about letting her come home. She is likely feeling homesick, and this is to be expected. When I first went away to a University a couple hours from my home, there were times when I wanted to come home too. These feelings will subside the longer she is there.
Be loving, supportive, and understanding, but tell her she needs to stick it out for at least a year. She needs to learn to adapt to her environment and make lasting friendships. If she thinks she is coming home after the first term, she will not make an effort to adapt. Also, if you let her run every time she is put into a tough spot, she will continue doing this throughout her adulthood.
If you think she is depressed or having problems, then find out if the school offers counseling. I imagine it does. If she has a counselor there to talk to once a week, this will help her tremendously. Have you looked into this?
...............................
A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (15 February 2011):
 Do you know why she is unhappy? How unhappy is she? The reason I ask is because you must determine whether or not she is so unhappy, she is a potential danger to herself. It does not sound this way, as you have objective reports from the residential ladies. It is also quite natural for a child to be homesick within the first few months. I think it is a good sign that she is willing to stick it out until the end of the semester. She may have an entirely different attitude by then.
Sometimes the first year away from home requires a period of adjustment and to feel unhappy is normal. Sometimes there is something deeper feelings of unhappiness grow into depression. Find out where, on the unhappiness scale, she is. Is there a school counselor she can talk to? Is there a counselor in your area that you can take her to?
It does sound like her home environment is not a healthy one, and that the school is a better place for her. You might want to have a frank discussion about why you think boarding school is best for her. You are thinking about her well being and future.
...............................
|
