A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone. I could really use your advice, sorry its a bit long.. IM totally confused at this stage as to what should I do next. Ive been married for 13 years and have 2 lovely boys. My husband and I have had some problems in the marriage over the years but there have been good moments as well. Over the past recent years, we have slowly drifted apart to a point that the we disconnected and it now feels more like roomates than married couple. It came to a point where I no longer feel anything for my husband, I can not even force myself to be affectionate or be physically intimate with him. Anyway, the affection was long gone but have been intimately involved once in a while over the years. I have been trying to make things better in our marriage and at times suggested things that would help us rekindle the flame but he wouldn't seem interested or would at times promise he would put the effort as well. But those have been empty promises. It came to a point where I gave up and felt I have tried to the best of my abilities. I came out clean with my husband last month and told him how I now feel about him and asked for some distance apart, so that I sort myself out and hopefully try and reconnect with him. He left for a week and stayed at parental home and then came back to live with because it was a financial strain to travel to work. We both agreed he can come back but I told him I was not ready yet to become intimate with him. I also opened up about issues in our marriage which I felt had contributed to me feeling the way I feel about him but he has not said anything about the issues up to this point or done anything to show he wants to put more effort for things to improve. Its a bit of an akward situation, he sleeps in the couch and I sleep in our bedroom. My main concern right now is that even though I had indicated I will seek counseling, I am no longer up to it. Reason being that at the moment I feel I would rather be single and alone than be unhappy and miserable all my life.But for the sake of the young kids, I would rather we stay under the same roof but remain separated so to speak..I honestly dont foresee myself living for another additional 13 years or more with him. I have had a religious upbringing and we are religious persons as well. So, its kind of taboo to even think about separation in our religion. Also, to the public we appear as the perfect couple and to our extended families as well, the idea of separation/divorce is just out of thier minds. They believe a wife should just hang in there but honestly Im not sure I can do that for long. My question is given the way things are in our marriage, how do I proceed now? Should I keep working on the marriage with the hopes that it would improve or be brave enough and tell my husband I no longer wish to continue with the marriage, given the fact that at the moment I am not feeling any different? Or should I give myself more time? Please help. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2011): Life is hard. But things can change as evidenced by your own experience over 13 years. If things change once they can change again. You are preparing to make a decision that will impact your family for 3 generations. I know that divorce seems like a way out, a fresh start. Believe me it is not, it is just the beginning of pain for the rest of your life. You say you love your kids. The best gift that you can give them is to love their father. Know that I am praying for you and your family.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2011): I am also sailing in the same boat as yours. There is no way to ignite the spark between you and yours husband once it has gone away for a long time. Just quit before it is too late.You will definately have a better life..
...............................
|
