A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so i have this strange problem with my friends. At first i thought it was just one particular friend, but now i'm starting to think the problem lies within me. Basically, i get irritated and start finding fault with people once i spend too much time with them. I just realised this when i got back from an outstation trip of four days. It was a school field trip, and two of my close friends, one a guy and one a girl, were also coming. The whole time, i felt this strange revulsion towards the female friend, let's call her "H". H was one of my tent mates, and i just really didn't want to talk to her or spend time with her at all, even though she was initially sweet and normal and friend- like to me. We've had two major fights in the past, both because of her own moodiness (my other friends agree, so it's not just my perspective) and both times it was me who fixed the friendship. This time, it was me who was avoiding her for no real reason, and my guy friend (let's call him "J") kept telling me how she was feeling sad about the fact that i wasn't talking to her. As for J himself, i'd always gotten along with him. I'm not attracted to him in the least, but somehow i get sickened when he admires other girls. i feel he's perverted. idk why, i just feel that he ignores me a lot, whereas i always listen to him. i know it's childish and confusing, but that's how it is. i love the feeling of getting closer to someone new, like two other boys on this trip, tent mates of J. Infact i was so not looking forward to sleeping in the same tent as H and the other girls that i slept in J's tent with four other boys on the last night. now i know that sounds weird, but it wasn't at all. I feel like i'm constantly drifting away from friends, like they come and go, and i get sick of the feeling of being close to someone for too long. there are plenty of people in our group, so it doesn't get awkward, but i'm just scared- what if i never have a constant friend? also, i have a similar issue as far as my (non existent) love life is concerned. I never like people who have liked me, people who can like me. i always get infatuated with people far beyond my familiarity, like i always want something rebellious and different. it's like i'm scared of a relationship, bt at the same time i really want one. i always seem to attract people i want to repel. boys who drink and smoke and don't give a damn about commitment and stuff, so much so that i've even tried to force myself to somehow become a lesbian. it's confusing and i don't know what to do. if it was just the prospect of relationships, it would be fine, but this thing is affecting my friendships, too!
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