A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Mod note] Two questions condensed.Hi,im 23 and a single mom,been seeing this lad for 5months now and his treated me better than anybody ever has,an i really am happy with him,the only thing is his only 20,i have my own house with my 2year old son,and iv the other day i was offered a full time job that iv been trying to get for ages,i really want this job and its a great place to work,the only thing is,on the same day i found out that i was pregnant,only about 5weeks,i really want this job but on the other hand im happy about being pregnant,im booked in for an abortion,but my boyfriend is really begging me not to go ahead with it,also my parents dont even no i have a boyfriend,havnt told them because my ex was very violent,plus my dad is asian and quite strict,im confused!!wat can i do??Just been offered a great job and have found out im pregnant,really want the baby,but then i no if i keep it,it will ruin all of my plans i have at the moment,if i have an abortion,will i go to hell??and im worried that im a really bad person,so upset and confused....
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): I personally don't believe you will go to hell. I had one about a year and a half ago. I have never one second regretted it at the time it was the right thing for me to do, but I talked with many different people including my spiritual advisor, a health professional, my mom (that was really the key for ME), friends without kids, friends with kids, a counselor, my prolife grandma. I weighed my options and that decision to me was the best I felt for me, I also have never wanted children. But it is up to you and you alone. It is good to have lots of good support regardless which way you choose. Some women do have deep emotions when they get one, but some like me have no regrets and I attribute that to I was 110% sure that it was the decision I wanted to make. And I didnt let anyone pressure me into doing something I did not want to do. Good luck with everything. Life has a way of working itself out regardless of what you choose.
A
female
reader, kayla20 +, writes (20 August 2009):
 you should start by being honest with your parents obviously they cant expect every person you get with to be violent. your boyfriend seems quite keen for the baby and in my opinion so do you but no one can tell you what to do in this case its intirely your decision. Everything happens for a reason so whether you decide to take the job or have the child things will work out for you in the long run as everything sorts itself out. I wouldnt say you'd go to hell for having an abortion but it wouldnt be a nice thing to go through, however loads of people go through it. The only advice i could give you, which was given to me when i found out i was pregnant for the first time is do not have an abortion unless you are 100% sure that is what you want if u have a doubt in your mind you shouldnt go for it. i booked 2 abortions and i couldnt turn up to either it just wasnt for me however it could be different for you so have a good think about it just remember what ever choice you make it could change your relationship but do not be so worried about your parents as it is your life and your body to do what you want with it.good luck
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (20 August 2009):
 The only advice you should get for that question is "don't listen to any advice".
Abortion is a matter for you to decide, and no one else. No one's opinion or feelings matter, except yours - although that doesn't mean you should simply ignore the feelings of those that are close to you, because you have to live around them afterwards. Take how they feel and how they're going to react into consideration, and then make YOUR decision not theirs.
A few points to consider:
Some women who have had an abortion regret it deeply later.
Some women who gave birth when they might have had an abortion have a far more difficult life than they would have had otherwise.
Nearly all women, regardless of how inconvenient it might have been to have another child or the difficulties that bringing up a child imposes on them, LOVE their child deeply - and often much more so because they even considered abortion as an otion - and a child will usually bring deeper joy (and greater stress!) than any lost career or lifestyle could ever bring.
Morality? That's a matter for you. I don't think you'll go to hell, but then I don't know for sure - and neither does anyone else. It seeems unlikely to me. If it really feels wrong for you, then don't do it.
You have one child, you said. You're 23. Opportunities like this job offer will come up again. Think about it carefully. Think about ALL the implications - now and in the future. Then make YOUR decision.
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A
female
reader, natmarie +, writes (20 August 2009):
 I'm sorry to hear you are in such a predicament. I would deiced what;s going to make you happy long term.A job is not everything - a child is. I personally think you should go and see you doctor asap who will refer you to an abortion councelllor/ specialist , and you can discuss your options, and you can make an informed decision as to weather to go ahead and have the baby or not.
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