A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My spirit is completely destroyed. I met the love of my life and we were together for two very happy years. We weren't just a couple we were best friends and planned to be married. We picked out the names for our future children and talked often about where we wanted to live and how we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We had an amazing sex life and a really close spiritual bond to each other. The only problem was that I was a secret from her family, as she is Egyptian-American and her family is a strict Muslim family and they would never accept her being with a non-Muslim man like myself. She promised me the whole time that she would stand up for our relationship when the time came but when it did, rather than acknowledging me in front of her family, she chose to marry the random guy they selected for her to marry because she was afraid of their reaction. She cried to me said she loved but still went and betrayed everything we ever had together. I have no problem dealing with break-ups because when they come they are usually for the best. However, in this case I had the closest person in my life ripped from me while we were still deeply in love and it's tearing me apart. Every minute of every day is absolute torture knowing that she is with another man. She had contacted me and told me that she hated him, that he was sexually inadequate (microscopically tiny) and an alcoholic who yells at her. This only makes things worse because to me she was precious and I would never treat her as though she were anything less. I miss her very badly, I love her, I'm angry at the world because it couldn't just allow us to be together, I'm angry at women because they always abandon there words when it doesn't suit them. My life has fallen apart since this happened and depression is crushing me to the point where I can no longer live with this in my heart. I can no longer cope with holding this inside myself. Please, what should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2007): It looks like this girl needs to make a serious life-changing decision. She either stays in her unhappy marriage where she is likely to be treated very badly or she decides she wants more for her life and leaves this man.I feel for both of you, but ultimately this comes down to her own strength of character. We all get in to painful experiences in our lives, usually from bad decisions that we make but it is then up to us to learn from them and move towards something better and this is something she needs to do now, and not in 20 years time, or worse, never.She has clearly made a serious error in going along with this marriage, she is effectively opting for a life time of misery, purely to be accepted by her family. It is understandable, yet sad, that she went along with her parents demands.If she is seriously willing to give up her own life for the acceptance of her family then sadly that is her choice, and as hard as it seems right now, it shows that despite how good you were for each other, she can't of been right for you because a girl who is perfect would have had the strength to choose you. This is especially true when her new husband appears to be so wrong for her.I think she is quite wrong to come to you and complain about how much she hates him, and talk about their sexual relationship. You should not be there to listen to her problems in this way, instead she needs to know that she is in control of this situation and if she is unhappy, only she can change it.It is lovely that you saw her as precious, and I hope you still do, despite the choice she made because we all make wrong decisions. But I think for your own sanity she needs to choose between her marriage and her family, or you and loosing her family. If she does not choose you, then you need to accept that she has made her choice - her own decision, not her parents, to be with someone else. You need to try and find strength in knowing that if she was the right person for you, she would have chosen you, regardless of what else was going on in her life. Stick with it, give it time, things will begin to make more sense and feel less crushing to you. You will get through this, either way, just try and remember that. All the best with whatever you choose to do.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI forgot to add that the man she married also has been convicted in court of domestic abuse against his first wife...this whole situation is unbelievable to even myself. This is all taking place in New York.
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