A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:if i was in the mood for sex and my gf isn`t and i did things to make her horney like foreplay is it safe to assume i can proceed? if she resisted at first but then gave in then it`s ok? its not rape if she ends up enjoying it right?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2009): i am married and sometimes i am not in the mood.
yes my hb tries forplay, i get in the mood, then start enjoying and so on............sometimes i feel some pressure from him but i consent to the sex. and yes i then want to do it. does it make him a rapist- NO, he knows what turns me on. just like i know when he is not in the mood and i am, what i need to do to get him in the mood. it depends on the individuals concerned.
so it depends in the manner you pressurised your gf. was it her first time. it depends on the situation itself. only you know what really transpired bet the two of you and how it progressed.
did you force her, was she pressured. glad you have been open to others points of views and glad that you have noted valuable points going forward.
sometimes we all need a little push start to get us in the mood BUT it depends on the partners and we KNOW when we have crossed the line.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): Hi. If your gf wasnt interested in having sex but she consented to you doing things to her (foreplay) and that put her in the mood for sex and then she consented to having sex with you, that is not rape.
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A
male
reader, Confuzzled012  +, writes (5 October 2009):
 Just apologize to her and let her know that you don't feel ok about it. Make it clear that you will discontinue your actions and that you don't want her to do anything she doesn't want to do. Be gentle and move slowly. You can't rectify what you did but you can make her feel better in the future. Feeling badly shows a level of morale but you should heighten that to a proactive morale.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni honestly feel guilty and sick of myself now. thanks for the honest advice. i thought talkin to people who agreed with my conduct like my bros would justify my actions. but the majority who responded from ppl i never met brings another opinion on the situation. i`m not sure how to deal with women. i thought it was ok since my gf allows me to do things to her. well wish me luck and thanks.
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A
female
reader, Sweety Pie  +, writes (5 October 2009):
 Well its not rape, but I doubt your relationship will last if you keep on doing it.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (5 October 2009):
What you are doing is NOT OK.
Its called sexual assualt/sexual abuse and it is illegal.
The point is she said no, and you continued to manipulate, pressure and coerce her into something she said no to. Even if she didnt no (but didnt say yes either) thats not giving consent. Silence is not consent to sexual acts either.
You need to respect her boundaires. What makes you think you have the right to do that to your gf? Dont you care about what she wants?
It doesnt matter if she ends up 'enjoying it', she didnt want to in the first place, and for all you know, she may not really be enjoying it. Respect her. What you are doing is illegal and will be damaging your relationship plus causing many emotional issues for your gf.
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A
male
reader, LessonsLearned +, writes (5 October 2009):
No, it's not really rape. Relax your not a rapist, your just being a shit boyfriend. You see, she's a real human being with feelings, thoughts, dreams and a right not to have sex if she doesn't want to. You need to learn to respect that. She will give in because she loves you and doesn't want anything bad to happen to you. But you, as a man, need to learn it makes you a bad person to continually put your girlfriend in that position.
In summary, don't be a selfish prick and think of her and you'll have a better life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): You're right in the middle of a gray area. Are you wondering about whether it's legally rape? Or are you concerned about your relationship?
If your relationship previously included sex, and all you did was persuade her, then that's probably just the usual stuff that goes on in a relationship. If it was her first time, and she said no, and you pressured her anyway? Different story.
Bottom line is what she thinks went on.
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A
male
reader, Confuzzled012 +, writes (5 October 2009):
It seems like an emotional rape but not a physical one. You didn't hold her down and force her with your body, but you pushed her into it and used words until she agreed. You should let it go and let her have it when she's comfortable herself without having to be pushed into it. And if you're feeling badly enough to ask us here, somethng is not right and you should apologize and fix it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): I wouldnt consider it rape. If she kept saying no and wasnt in the mood at all and you forced yourself on her, then yes it would be. It is disrespectful though. If she doesnt feel in the mood, you should respect how she feals and not go out of your way to change her mood. Just try to be patient with her and talk to her about it. You dont need to have sex to enjoy her company. Try to just cuddle with her and relax with her. Dont worry about sex unless she brings it up and really is interested.
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