A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:If I am going to break up with my husband. What things do I need to consider? I think I have enough reasons to do it.Do I have to go to a councillor before I can see a divorce lawyer? I am not sure how this works. Why do I think I have enough reasons to do this? Oour problems are recent, but they crept up on me and I blame myself for not noticing it. But he has not done this before. I should have seen it but I did not.I am doing it for his infidelity. and for his lieing to me. And for his wish and wanting to test run the new girl at his work. It has all come out tonight and I am very very upset. Livid. Shocked. Never expect this. Steam coming out of my ears. I know I have to calm down a moment or two. He's driven off to see her and explain things to her. What aboout explaining things to me? Ah, but I can wait it seems. She has feelings for him. And he has to work with her. And he doesn't want her upset as she is going for an important work interview next week. Oh spare me please.I need to get a handle on my emotions right now. And I will try to calm down a bit. Do I pack his things? Or see a lawyer first? I own the house, not him as it was mine, bought by me along before we met. He says he will make things better when he gets back tonight. But I have already made up the spare bed. For him.
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female
reader, rocc  +, writes (28 May 2011):
Do what my friend did to his ex-girl friend. Before he is back, pack all his stuff and keep it ready for him to pick hem up quickly and leave.
Lawyer. You need to see someone.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2011): Stop.Think.Don't just react.Do you have kids? If so, then try to stay sanely in control, or at least a semblance of that (I know it isn't easy, been in this situation myself).If you don't have kids it will be easier.That is when you see a divorce lawyer, separate, and end it, but keep one thing in mind.His cheating has nothing to do with you. Really, it doesn't, but you probably don't feel that way. It has everything to do with him.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 May 2011):
 see a lawyer first.
a counselor is a great idea for you just to learn how to cope with this huge change.
and each day eventually will get better.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (27 May 2011):
 I am sorry you are going through this pain and confusion.I have gone thru a divorce. My suggestion is to FIRST seek EMOTIONAL counseling.Divorces are ugly, painful and ungodly exspensive ordeals.Do you have children together? Is there ANYTHING worth salvaging in the marriage. How does your husband feel about the marriage? Does he have any attitude towards keeping it and WHY.Even if you follow thru with the divorce, you want to go into court strong and absolutely sure you WANT and NEED to seperate your lives. Make a choice from your HEAD and HEART.Frankly, I would pack his bags and tell him to find OTHER living arrangments while you sort your head and heart out.He is far more concerned with the other woman than the state of his marriage. I say toss his things in a trash back and change the locks!Do not take the entire responsibility on yourself. He is a grown man and made a choice too. You are either in it together or going to be on your own in seperate lives.I do believe some marriages CAN heal and repair from infidelity, but it will only take a great amount of mutual love, time, and teamwork to make it strong again.
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A
female
reader, me81 +, writes (27 May 2011):
 I would suggest you ask him to leave for some time... I'm divorce too, and there are a couple of facts you need to take in consideration, do you have kids? if you do, try not to make it hard on them, if you don't, well it's much better. You are feeling much anger right now, and what he did has no excuse, especially if what he's doing is caring more about this girl's feelings then yours... not good. I would suggest, separate, pack his stuff so he won't have to spend to much time in your house and see a lawyer for legal advice. Good Luck with everything! we all deserve to have what we need and make us happy, going thru a divorce is hard but you'll be ok.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (27 May 2011):
 Seek a divorce lawyer. You have reason enough to ask for a divorce. Counseling will not help you forgive him for being unfaithful to you because there is no legitimate reason for disloyalty. This marriage is done.
I hope that helps.
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